Well I never, watching Britain's Got Talent and Pudsey, didn't he used to be a bear? - oh well never mind. Re-inventing yourself is a good thing.

So, half a million quid in the bank and millions to come from advertising. Just shows how life can surprise you.

Anyway worthy winners, so i am thinking of changing the first line of my WIP to, "Woof, woof, woof, sausages..."

It'll be a Pedigree production so if you want t be my chum, please PM me....

So you've probably read my post about the RSPCA approaching me on the field the other day, saying my dogs were fat

"Well I couldn't bloody believe it," I said in a Victor Meldrew style voice. Another person came up to me today. This time a woman. She said, "Are you Gary Compton?" I nodded and swallowed nervously.

"I'm from the RSPCC," she said gleefully. "And I want to talk to you about cruelty you've been inflicting on others."...

So I was on the field today walking the dogs. I was minding my own business when man approached me. He said he worked for the RSPCA and thought it appropriate to tell me my dogs were overweight.

Well I thought, you cheeky bas**rd. He had more chins than the Chinese telephone directory and had obviously been in charge of the pie factory in his previous job as he'd clearly eaten all the stock.

Well you can imagine what I told him to do. Most of which is not publishable...

Okay, picture this, lights in my living room are off. TV on, laptop on and I'm watching election results. My Basset hound, Murphy jumped on the settee and rested his front paws and chest across my lap.

So the Wife, bless her, is asleep upstairs, as is daughter. Son has left home a while back. Harvey, the other Basset has gone to bed with Mam.

So back to Murphy, he moves his head back and stares up at me. I could've sworn he puckered his lips. I moved my face toward...

Glorious adventures in Con-land (Olympus 2012). Follow these red letters with your pointy cursor-thang...



(There may be some slight rude language- can't remember)