OK I'm lazy but I do have a lot of ideas floating round my head. It is time I think I started putting them into words. If I do it here rather than on critics only those who really want to read what I write will need to be subjected to it rather than inflict everyone with my inane ramblings
Mind you how many ideas are my own and how many are long forgotten reads I'm unsure.
I think I'll make my first piece historical rather than pure fiction.
Mind you how many ideas are my own and how many are long forgotten reads I'm unsure.
I think I'll make my first piece historical rather than pure fiction.
Matilda
Posted 20th January 2009 at 02:13 PM by nixie
OK I said I'd start writing here so here's the first entry. Its not finished yet but please feel free to comment and critises all feed back will be welcome.
Matilda
I went to my mum’s straight from work, there she sat as bold as brass. I shuddered when I saw her, memories came flooding back from an earlier time.
I opened the bedroom door, my granny’s voice following me “you can play in there but do not disturb Matilda; you know she doesn’t like it, if you annoy her she’ll get you well you sleep”. I glance nervously at Matilda, who’s sitting smugly on the stool, dressed in red velvet edged in white, her dark hair perfectly curled, her blue eyes watching my every move. I go to the dresser and lift granny’s jewel box and place it on the floor. Opening the lid to hear the music, and get to the treasures inside. Necklaces, earrings, brooches, rings are just a few of the delights I’ll find inside. Then I feel her eyes on me, making my back itch, all the pleasure I feel for the music and jewels evaporates quickly as those cold blue eyes bore into me , I hastily return the jewel box to its place on the dresser and flee the room, Matilda’s snigger ringing in my ears.
I go into the sitting room and climb onto a chair, knowing I had to sit quiet and still. Children should be seen and not heard as I well knew. Silently wishing my auntie was here, she’d have took my hand and led me to the dinning room where we could both sit at table and play lots games. If I wanted the jewel box she’d have got it for me. Matilda couldn’t do anything to her.
My thoughts turn back to Matilda, she spoils everything. Why can’t she stay in her own room I fume, why every time I’m here on my own does she decide to sit in granny room? She has got a perfectly good room up in the attic. I haven’t seen it but I know because granny told me. She’s horrible and I hate her. I sit quietly and still, wishing my auntie was here, even my brothers would do, least then we could play in garden, but I’m not allowed on my own.
I climb off the chair and wander over to the piano, my granny calls from kitchen “don’t touch that, you might break it” How does she knew she can’t see through walls, bet Matilda was spying and told. If mummy has to leave me why not with my other granny, I could help with the cooking or watch granda in the garden and he’ll tell me all about the pixies.
Matilda
I went to my mum’s straight from work, there she sat as bold as brass. I shuddered when I saw her, memories came flooding back from an earlier time.
I opened the bedroom door, my granny’s voice following me “you can play in there but do not disturb Matilda; you know she doesn’t like it, if you annoy her she’ll get you well you sleep”. I glance nervously at Matilda, who’s sitting smugly on the stool, dressed in red velvet edged in white, her dark hair perfectly curled, her blue eyes watching my every move. I go to the dresser and lift granny’s jewel box and place it on the floor. Opening the lid to hear the music, and get to the treasures inside. Necklaces, earrings, brooches, rings are just a few of the delights I’ll find inside. Then I feel her eyes on me, making my back itch, all the pleasure I feel for the music and jewels evaporates quickly as those cold blue eyes bore into me , I hastily return the jewel box to its place on the dresser and flee the room, Matilda’s snigger ringing in my ears.
I go into the sitting room and climb onto a chair, knowing I had to sit quiet and still. Children should be seen and not heard as I well knew. Silently wishing my auntie was here, she’d have took my hand and led me to the dinning room where we could both sit at table and play lots games. If I wanted the jewel box she’d have got it for me. Matilda couldn’t do anything to her.
My thoughts turn back to Matilda, she spoils everything. Why can’t she stay in her own room I fume, why every time I’m here on my own does she decide to sit in granny room? She has got a perfectly good room up in the attic. I haven’t seen it but I know because granny told me. She’s horrible and I hate her. I sit quietly and still, wishing my auntie was here, even my brothers would do, least then we could play in garden, but I’m not allowed on my own.
I climb off the chair and wander over to the piano, my granny calls from kitchen “don’t touch that, you might break it” How does she knew she can’t see through walls, bet Matilda was spying and told. If mummy has to leave me why not with my other granny, I could help with the cooking or watch granda in the garden and he’ll tell me all about the pixies.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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That's a good start Nixie! I like the way the hate between you and Matilda show through. Looking forward to the next installment.
I'll leave any grammatical errors, if there are any, to the experts!Posted 26th January 2009 at 04:54 PM by Rosemary
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I'll leave any grammatical errors, if there are any, to the experts! I suspect that means me
Matilda
I went to my mum’s straight from work,two complete sentences separated by a comma there she sat as bold as brass. the "she" should probably be capitalised, or italicised, to make it plain that it does not refer to "mum" I shuddered when I saw her,two complete sentences separated by a comma, or take out the "came" after memories came flooding back from an earlier time.
I opened probably "open", as the rest of the section is present tensethe bedroom door, my granny’s voice following me “y capital "Y"ou can play in there but do not disturb Matilda; you know she doesn’t like it,full stop if you annoy her she’ll get you wellprobably "while" you sleep”. I glance nervously at Matilda,probably no comma who’s sitting smugly on the stool, dressed in red velvet edged in white, her dark hair perfectly curled, her blue eyes watching my every move. I go to the dresser and lift granny’s jewel box and place it on the floor. Openingpossibly "Open" the lid to hear the music, and get to the treasures inside. Necklaces, earrings, brooches, rings are just a few of the delights I’ll find inside.repetition of "inside" Then I feel her eyes on me, making my back itch,semicolon? Possibly an "and" all the pleasure I feel for the music and jewels evaporates quickly as those cold blue eyes bore into me ,full stop I hastily return the jewel box to its place on the dresser and flee the room, Matilda’s snigger ringing in my ears.
I go into the sitting room and climb onto a chair, knowing I hadhave (you're in present tense) to sit quiet and still. Children should be seen and not heard as I well knew. Silently wishing my auntie was here, she’d have tooktaken my hand and led me to the dinningdining room where we could both sit at table and play lots games. If I hadwanted the jewel box she’d have got it for me. Matilda couldn’t do anything to her.
My thoughts turn back to Matilda,semicolon she spoils everything. Why can’t she stay in her own roomcomma I fume, why every time I’m here on my own does she decide to sit in granny's room? She has got a perfectly good room up in the attic. I haven’t seen it but I know because granny told me. She’s horrible and I hate her. I sit quietly and still, wishing my auntie was here, even my brothers would do,at least then we could play in garden, but I’m not allowedto? on my own.
I climb off the chair and wander over to the piano,full stop my granny calls from kitchen “d capital "D"on’t touch that, you might break it” How does she knewknow question mark she can’t see through walls, bet Matilda was spying and told. If mummy has to leave me why not with my other granny, I could help with the cooking or watch granda in the garden and he’llhe'd tell me all about the pixies.
I've corrected a few things that you might have put in deliberately (or left out deliberately) to give a childish feel; if this is the case, please ignore me.Posted 26th January 2009 at 10:20 PM by chrispenycate
