So you've probably read my post about the RSPCA approaching me on the field the other day, saying my dogs were fat

"Well I couldn't bloody believe it," I said in a Victor Meldrew style voice. Another person came up to me today. This time a woman. She said, "Are you Gary Compton?" I nodded and swallowed nervously.

"I'm from the RSPCC," she said gleefully. "And I want to talk to you about cruelty you've been inflicting on others."...