The Punctuation Police... YOU'RE NICKED!!
Posted 18th May 2012 at 10:31 PM by Gary Compton
Okay! After a discussion with Ursa about a certain writers lack of use of punctuation marks on his dialogue in a book we have recently read. I went to bed and had the weirdest of dreams.
Me and Ursa, who was sitting in the car in all his fluffiness, were having a coffee while we waited for the suspect to leave his gaff.
Ursa looked at me, "Everything okay Guv?"
I stared at him and wondered why I was sitting in a car with a big white teddy drinking coffee.
"Yeah," I said. "Just want to catch this lowlife. Anyone who distributes quotation marks to the unsuspecting is worth locking up."
Ursa shrugged and threw the plastic cup out of the window. "I can't abide people," he growled. "who aren't grammatically correct. It's a crime that should be punished by death at the very least."
"I agree," I said swallowing my nervousness. To be truthful, I didn't know in which order things like commas and semi-colons went so I was unqualified to do this job - story of my life.
Anyway, "Is that him?" I asked.
Our suspect left the house with a package under his arm. "Yeah," Ursa confirmed. "that's the little furker. Let's get'im before he does anymore damage."
We burst out of the car like a coupe of air bags going off and ran toward the assailant, well I say ran but Ursa sort of waddled. It's not easy being a 600 pound bear you know.
"You're under arrest," I shouted while the dodgy writer tried to get rid of a bag full of quotation marks down the street drain. Ursa grabbed the evidence and read him his rights.
I cuffed him and smiled. One more criminal off the street, one less good writer for me to worry about
Me and Ursa, who was sitting in the car in all his fluffiness, were having a coffee while we waited for the suspect to leave his gaff.
Ursa looked at me, "Everything okay Guv?"
I stared at him and wondered why I was sitting in a car with a big white teddy drinking coffee.
"Yeah," I said. "Just want to catch this lowlife. Anyone who distributes quotation marks to the unsuspecting is worth locking up."
Ursa shrugged and threw the plastic cup out of the window. "I can't abide people," he growled. "who aren't grammatically correct. It's a crime that should be punished by death at the very least."
"I agree," I said swallowing my nervousness. To be truthful, I didn't know in which order things like commas and semi-colons went so I was unqualified to do this job - story of my life.
Anyway, "Is that him?" I asked.
Our suspect left the house with a package under his arm. "Yeah," Ursa confirmed. "that's the little furker. Let's get'im before he does anymore damage."
We burst out of the car like a coupe of air bags going off and ran toward the assailant, well I say ran but Ursa sort of waddled. It's not easy being a 600 pound bear you know.
"You're under arrest," I shouted while the dodgy writer tried to get rid of a bag full of quotation marks down the street drain. Ursa grabbed the evidence and read him his rights.
I cuffed him and smiled. One more criminal off the street, one less good writer for me to worry about
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. Nice one, Gary.
Should Ursa be worried you're having dreams about him?Posted 19th May 2012 at 08:53 AM by Warren_Paul
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I am worried, and specifically about this:
People will read this and come to believe that I'm a big softy. (And there should be a comma after growled, not a full stop.Quote:"I can't abide people," he growled. "who aren't grammatically correct. It's a crime that should be punished by death at the very least.")
(Oh, and if I were to throw a cup out of a car window, it would probably have something heavy in it, and be aimed at (dissuading) someone thinking of breaking the Grammar Laws.)Posted 19th May 2012 at 01:46 PM by Ursa major 
Updated 19th May 2012 at 02:18 PM by Ursa major -
Mmmm! You could have something there WP. Shall I boil Ursa's rabbit or should I say bear.Quote:Originally Posted by Warren_Paul
I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. Nice one, Gary.
Should Ursa be worried you're having dreams about him?
Maybe a little therapy is required for me. I mean I shouldn't be thinking about grown men in bear suits - should I?
Trust you to find one tiny fault in my scribblings.Quote:Originally Posted by Ursa major I am worried, and specifically about this:
People will read this and come to believe that I'm a big softy. (And there should be a comma after growled, not a full stop.)
(Oh, and if I were to throw a cup out of a car window, it would probably have something heavy in it, and be aimed at (dissuading) someone thinking of breaking the Grammar Laws.)
I love you really. Anyway back to being an idiotPosted 19th May 2012 at 11:26 PM by Gary Compton -
I had a dream about Ursa once. But it doesn't bear repeating. Not sure any of the dreams I have bout Chrons members do actually ...Posted 28th May 2012 at 09:08 AM by hopewrites
