So I was on the field today walking the dogs. I was minding my own business when man approached me. He said he worked for the RSPCA and thought it appropriate to tell me my dogs were overweight.

Well I thought, you cheeky bas**rd. He had more chins than the Chinese telephone directory and had obviously been in charge of the pie factory in his previous job as he'd clearly eaten all the stock.

Well you can imagine what I told him to do. Most of which is not publishable...