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@Peter Graham: The story is actually being rewritten, since it was originally done by a semi-literate sixteen year old. The blurb was more a personal exercise of being able to a) catch a reader's attention, b) do it in a small number of words, and c) not give away too much. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be posting much (if any) more about it on the net (publishers can get picky, if I'm lucky enough to be considered at all).
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Fair enough, but it's a bit of a shame, as I'd like to have seen some of the real thing.
I think Ash just about covered it. The only point I'd add would be to say that the second paragraph is perhaps a little unnecessary - the blurb needs to tell us about the action and our main character. I think that mentioning that the book is set in bustling 5th Century Corinth would be enough. The rest of that paragraph is really dramatic scene setting about Corinth which is, in many ways, what one would assuem anyway and which therefore doesn't have much to do with the basic precis.
Hope that helps.
Regards,
Peter