[Giovanna Clairval]

Two possibilities:

1) You swear high and loud.

2) You don't.

Using a trite euphemism (in writing) takes all the strength away.

I could suggest a transformation of the four letter word into a new oath, but, as Culhwch said, it would be farcical, and that is not your intention, I guess.

And I also think that using **** in the opening sentence is risky, unless you are an established author, or else you can bribe an established author into writing an enthusiastic blurb for your novel.