Hey guys. Glad you're enjoying the story. It's the most recent thing I've written, and it came out pretty well considering I couldn't get started for about an hour. You ever have that happen? I just sat at the computer, knowing I wanted to write a story but unable to do it. I even put down a page and a half, hated it, and turned off the computer. About fifteen minutes later I flipped it back on and started from scratch. And that story is what happened.
As for who I am: the title under my name (Jonathan J. Schlosser) is actually my name. If anyone knows how I could change Moraven to Jon, that would awesome. I couldn't seem to do it. Anyway, if you've heard of me I'd be amazed. I've sold three stories to online publications (Art&Prose, Conceit, and Quill&Ink) but the Quill&Ink story is the only one out yet. This stop, "Deep Hours" has been submitted to the Clockwork Phoenix Anthology. (I really want something out in hardcopy, you know, so I can pick the actually book up and see my work there.
I hope my lack of information earlier wasn't taken as arrogance...but I suppose that's better than extreme shyness
Truth be told, I was more just looking for reactions than actually critiques. I'm not thinking I'll make any changes to the story at this point--but if someone has an idea, feel free to share. Having other people comment on your work in unbelievably helpful.
You thoughts that this could be a novel are intriguing. I wrote it strictly as a short, to try to get that print media publishing credit. I've written three novels before--one awful fantasy, one decent, and a mildly ok science fiction novel that actually appeared on this forum a number of times--at least, chapters of it did. But the point is, I want the next novel I write to be a sort of horror/dark fantasy novel. But think more Stephen King's "Desperation" than something about werewolves and vampires. I admittedly know little about those two staples of the horror industry; but I'd be willing to make some new things up.
So, should I continue on with this story and turn it into a novel? I'll admit I find that idea very...desirable. I loved writing "Deep Hours", and continuing it sounds like a lot of fun. The problem, then, is this: it's in first person, present tense. These are not common in novel-length fiction. I saw you said editors don't care, Glovanna, but would they be that apt to take a whole novel?
The other problem is that the allusion is that everyone else on earth is either raptured or dead at this point, and I'd want that to change if it was a novel. But it wouldn't be hard to just have the people of Harrison die, and then they go on to the next town. Or maybe David wouldn't Change, but would somehow escape. Then I could have Scott following him while everyone else is being harvested. That would probably make for the most interesting tale.
Again, thanks for your feedback (and for taking the time to read such a long piece).