Spectrum,
Not a bad idea to write the back blurb, brings your novel down to the bare bones and hopefully excites the reader. It is also a specialised style.
Just want to change a few things and the big point is that it is clear from what you have wrtten that you do not know what is going to happen with the General, it is too vageue and therefore uninteresting, because the story arc is not there. So in some ways you are ahead of yourself here. Anyway here's my take
Quote:
Chaos Bringer
Book One of Sentinels of Mith
Mith is a world of cruelty, punctured by war and betrayal.
Bent on conquest, the theocratic empire of Durcac send their armies north against their rival nation, the Imetrium. General Nārkizā, faithful but sceptical leader of the forces will find his conscience stretched between his loyalty towards his god and that of his homeland.
Elsewhere a young mage Carzain will find his calling when he enlists to defend his country against a new invader. But in the chaos of war, Carzain will also begin to discover the dark secrets buried in his past.
And finally in the mists of conflict, a sinister force, long thought extinct, awakens, and an ancient war between two shadowy brotherhoods erupts. |
Don't worry about too many comments. There are no new stories just old ones written better, if you like your idea go for it. But be aware that if a few people question stuff, it might be you are not getting your message across. For me I do not know when you use the word underground whether you mean secret/hidden or subterranean, so I left it out.
Good luck