[Spectrum]

Originally Posted by Memnoch

seems to have promise although a touch cliche'd, especially the names, although no doubt original they seem like you have tried to hard with them. (I may be wrong!)

Personally I am proud of my names and words. While this is not evident from seeing only a few names, I have put effort into personalizing the various languages, so that names from different cultures will be distinctive. The names that appear in the blurb are very unlikely to change.

Originally Posted by Memnoch

Underground war smacks of so so erm so (is that to many so's Rider ;o) many other books and "Baldurs gate the game" any one??

Does it? Hm... I haven't read them. I don't recall reading any books with an "underground" war quite like the one I have. (The closest thing is the Kult RPG, if anyone knows that.) But of course, that's not obvious from these three-four lines.

Originally Posted by Memnoch

As is the bored underachieving scholar who let me guess is destined for greatness??

Not underachieving. Just "minor" because there's no greatness to be found in Redglen. (I probably should scrap the "minor" from the blurb, tho.) And yes, he is destined for greatness, but not in the way you expect.

Originally Posted by Memnoch

perhaps a little less obvious and paint by numbers plot in the blurb would help

I don't understand what this means. Please elaborate.

Originally Posted by Memnoch

The General? Which nation is he the General of? Faithful to who? Perhaps to much of a character give away in a blurb. His torn loyalties should be laid on the reader more subtly not just handed on a plate.

Hm, yeah, OK. It's just that this conflict is quite central to the whole idea of Nârkizâ, so I wanted to have it there. (Also, I haven't written much of the Nârkizâ story arc yet, so I don't know much more about him than that. :P)

Originally Posted by Paramour

And in the shadows, a sinister force thought long extinct seems to be awakening, and a ten-thousand-year long underground war between two shadowy brotherhoods is about to erupt in full flame.

Strikes me as LOTR-ish.

Who is the other shadowy brotherhood in LOTR?

Originally Posted by Paramour

Who's the main character here, if there is one? Or is this one of those books that bounces chapters between characters?

It will be bouncing back and forth, but Carzain is the one I consider the primary main character. Nârkizâ is also a main character, and there will likely be more.

Originally Posted by Paramour

I'd definitely pick it up. Epic wars entice me. I'd then proceed to flip through the first three pages. If its not choked with backstory, I'd buy it.

That's good. I will probably post a sample of the beginning of the book soon.