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Old 27th July 2007, 03:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
SJAB
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Staffordshire
Posts: 467
Re: Publisher's Style

This is how I would do it.



She had cursed in silence as Jack popped up in her sight. Jack had always been the loud type, the churchbell type, annoying and neverending. Martha would have ignored him if she could, but the corridor had been too small for that. She had started running towards him, but not hard enough and had thereby sealed her fate.

*"Good morning, Martha!" (assume this is Jack speaking, so new paragraph)

Her insides screamed "busted," but she politely answered: "Good morning, look I'm sorry but I'm in a hurry." She then took a swift glance at her watch and hoped that her fake expression of worry would have the desired effect. (this is Martha speaking so new paragraph.)

It did and with a long sentence he let her go: "I won't keep you busy then, but promise me that the next time, you'll take on less work?" (This is Jack speaking again, so again new paragraph, but I would consider just tagging "It did" to the previous paragraph, and deleting the rest of the sentence)

She muttered a faint "yes," while speeding away.* (Martha, again speaking, so new paragraph, would also consider altering it to "as she sped away")


Once inside her office, she...

Quote:
Besides the other mistakes I should use a new paragraph for the part between the stars?
I would say yes, I was taught, a new paragarph for each character as they speak.
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