Sorry, late to the party.
Interesting stuff, mate. The style fits Stone very well - the text is quite simple, but fractured and choppy, which is how I imagine it all would look to a child in that world. If it continued like this for a whole novel I might be drained by it, but it is very original and all the more interesting for it.
There are a few grammatical problems, but I think if you slow down to have a look at it, you will see them for yourself (but I suppose I know you don't slow down to look at what you've written). Some of the dialogue feels a bit wooden, such as:
"Your mother has been taken into custody to answer some questions regarding your traitorous father and his whereabouts."
Which would benefit from a rewrite... if you do one.
So yeah, very interesting, and lacking of any cheese whatsoever. It's good to see something of yours that starts at the beginning for once, so I hope you keep to the timeline and give us the next scene.
Having said all that, I am pissed off that you're not giving us more of Emerald, Danae and the rest of them
