Science Fiction Fantasy Chronicles: forums - View Single Post - All That Was Left- Chapter 1

timelord4 · 21st July 2007, 01:36 PM

hahah

TBO already commented on what I was going to say. Especially about the opening sentence. OK, I'll add a bit more now that the PC looks more awake.

Your *prologue* isn't a prologue. It's actually chapter 1. Usually, a prologue links your story *now* from events that occured in the past.
However, that said, your *prologue*, chapter 1 is a great tensioner for this chapter. To capitalise on the two chapters, build the tension using different themes. Just as you have done. But sharpen up the first paragraph. I did one for you to look at last night, but unfortunately that fell away and I can't remember it now. It did emphasise the rising water level, screams from the caged prisoners and created enough tension by demonstrating the panic and the headlong rush to topside. (You should hit on this, because the reader, through chapter 1 already knows what's awaiting topside. Those trapped below decks don't!)

And like TBO, I suggested you do up a flow chart. Match one for your *plot* line, which should increase slowly and show the emergence of the plot towards the end of chapter 3 or beginning of chapter 4. Chapter 3 should really become your info dump ground; you know, plot and character development, settings, locations, background information. BUT, this chapter is probably one of the most important chapters to write. Look at all the exremely successful authors and study their style in info dump chapters. Notice how they do it economically, precisely and as gripping as the tension chapters.

The other line is your *tension* line which rises sharply in the first 2 chapters, dips dramatically (info dump chapter), then rises slowly through the next chapters until it reachs the same height as before then it plunges again. USE A CHART.

Lastly:
This sentence.
Laura nodded fearfully, taking turns looking down at the elevating water and back into his face, trying to level the sense of calm and insane fear in herself.
It's Laura's POV. The rest of the chapter is Michaels POV. Try to keep it consistent. Otherwise the story jumps, not meaning to.

There were other things but they've all gone out of my head now, so

Keep at it. It looks good.

TL

21st July 2007, 01:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
timelord4 The never on time lord Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 238	Re: All That Was Left- Chapter 1 hahah TBO already commented on what I was going to say. Especially about the opening sentence. OK, I'll add a bit more now that the PC looks more awake. Your prologue isn't a prologue. It's actually chapter 1. Usually, a prologue links your story now from events that occured in the past. However, that said, your prologue, chapter 1 is a great tensioner for this chapter. To capitalise on the two chapters, build the tension using different themes. Just as you have done. But sharpen up the first paragraph. I did one for you to look at last night, but unfortunately that fell away and I can't remember it now. It did emphasise the rising water level, screams from the caged prisoners and created enough tension by demonstrating the panic and the headlong rush to topside. (You should hit on this, because the reader, through chapter 1 already knows what's awaiting topside. Those trapped below decks don't!) And like TBO, I suggested you do up a flow chart. Match one for your plot line, which should increase slowly and show the emergence of the plot towards the end of chapter 3 or beginning of chapter 4. Chapter 3 should really become your info dump ground; you know, plot and character development, settings, locations, background information. BUT, this chapter is probably one of the most important chapters to write. Look at all the exremely successful authors and study their style in info dump chapters. Notice how they do it economically, precisely and as gripping as the tension chapters. The other line is your tension line which rises sharply in the first 2 chapters, dips dramatically (info dump chapter), then rises slowly through the next chapters until it reachs the same height as before then it plunges again. USE A CHART. Lastly: This sentence. Laura nodded fearfully, taking turns looking down at the elevating water and back into his face, trying to level the sense of calm and insane fear in herself. It's Laura's POV. The rest of the chapter is Michaels POV. Try to keep it consistent. Otherwise the story jumps, not meaning to. There were other things but they've all gone out of my head now, so Keep at it. It looks good. TL