[panzerman]

Your absolutley right Chris, it is waaay to much explanation. Ive been trying to cut it all out for some time now, and between you and grif I think its already much better. Id like to post the corrected draft, but Im not sure if thats allowed, I would hate for someone to read that first part only to find I have corrected the rest. Still, I cant belive the effort you put into that critique man, I owe you one.

Between you and Grif, I have corrected a ton of mistakes that I should have fixed before I even posted this. After Grifs post, I removed nearly all the paragraphs you had cited as having so many tense errors. The whole thing reads ten times better now, but seems a bit short.

My goal with this chapter is to set the stage. I want the reader to beleive that the Crucible is on the verge of defeat. In fact, it should seem that they are already beaten and simply trying to survive. Like you said, your arent 'feeling' it. The tense problem was corrected, but as I said in my previous post, I posted the rough draft by mistake. I appreciate all the help, it really amazes me that you would take so much time to help correct a complete rookie!