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Old 10th February 2007, 01:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
mosaix
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,941
Re: Another short excerpt...

A nice piece Culhwch you've obviously put in some effort on this. It flows well with a good mix of dialogue and scene-setting.

I think the only thing I would suggest is a little pruning.

"The man turned in his saddle so he could see where Laurie was pointing."

Little things like "so he could" can easily be replaced with "to" to make it a bit tighter. But that's just me being picky.

I like those windy, sunny days next to a choppy sea and this piece describes them well.
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