Favourite Tyrion lines

[Florian the Fool]

Sorry if this has been done before, but I thought it might be fun for those who love Tyrion (and may have to wait for DwD to see him again! )

Here's mine.

[Lord Tywin's war council has been invaded by several smelly and disgusting tribesmen from the Mountains of the Moon]

Tyrion: They followed me home, father. Can I keep them? They don't eat much.

[Gazz]

Just about any line he says to 'The Red Viper' in ASOS:1 made me crack up, but my favorite was after the Dornishman is talking about seeing Tyrion as a baby...

<Oberyn> "... You did have a monstrous great voice, i must grant you that. You would wail for hours, and nothing would quiet you but a womans teat.
<Tyrion> "Still true, as it happens"
<Oberyn> "A taste we share. Lord Gargalen once told me that he hoped to die with a sword in his hand, to which i replied that i would sooner go with a breast in mine."

Then later on, Tyrion turns to Oberyn after Oberyn had crossed the line and annoyed him.

Tyrion gave him a long look. "Chataya's on the street of silk has several girls that would suit your needs. Dancy has hair the colour of honey. Marei's is pale white gold. I would advise you to keep one or the other by your side at all times."

<Oberyn> "At all times? Any why is that my good imp?"
<Tyrion> "You want to die with a breast in hand, you said."

[Faceless Woman]

<Ser Something-or-other> "Say that with steel in your hand!"
<Tyrion> "I have steel in my hand. A crab fork. Shall we duel?" (pokes him repeatedly with crab fork) "To the victor, the spoils! I claim my share of Ser Blah's crabcakes!"

Also, "All dwarves a bastards in their father's eyes".
There are others, many of them, but I don't want to steal them from the rest of you :-)