Hey - this is pretty intriguing.
Quote:
| nestled between an all year Christmas shop, and a neighbouring delicatessen. |
don't think you need the comma
Quote:
| and too look like a prat was |
and
to look Quote:
| Although I'm certain that sooner rather than later, I |
sooner
, rather Quote:
| in a very literal sense be |
sense
, be Quote:
| strange new world; he felt that Gregory |
not sure why you chose a semi-colon here. to create a longer pause?
Quote:
| Asmodeus had to orchestrate the death of a Watcher. |
This is a really great sentence; the use of 'orchestrate' instead of more common words, 'plan' or 'cause', gives Asmodeus an evil genius air, which seems so appropriate here.