The UK's largest Science Fiction & Fantasy Forums

Go Back   Science Fiction Fantasy Chronicles: forums > General > Humour



Humour General playroom for all humour and jokes and anything slightly titillating...

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
Old 24th May 2005, 03:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Common rants

Pound for pound the ant is perhaps the fastest and most traveled thing on land. No wonder the etiquette of leaving things just the way they met them



There is only one thing you need in life, a chair. Its all entertainment



Why didn’t saddam make an apology call before the invasions? Better still why can’t he call a bail bonds man now?



Have you ever noticed while driving that anyone faster than you is a moron and anyone slower is retarded



The reason why we can’t find the meaning to life is because we are too busy wrestling with ours, which is perhaps the meaning of life.



You need experience to gain a job and a job to get experience



If there is no life without death and no death without life, where does life begin? Maybe at 40, at that age you are guaranteed the two



The integrity of a man should not be judged by how much responsibility he has, but by all means how much he is clearly trying to avoid



Why can’t we travel through time? Well, because the universe is infinite in magnitude and direction. Bon voyage!



I’ve never really understood religion. I sure don’t understand the nature, artistic, and scientific reference of the pope’s hat
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th May 2005, 02:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
i see said the blind man
 
iratebeaver's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 197
Re: Common rants

only 1 in 50,000 raindrops are raindrop shaped
iratebeaver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd June 2005, 06:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
Oh mighty Gackt
 
Amber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 518
Re: Common rants

If you haven't seen every snowflake how do you know they are all unique?
Amber is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th June 2005, 01:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
i see said the blind man
 
iratebeaver's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 197
Re: Common rants

YOu don't. Yak's milk is pink.
iratebeaver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th June 2005, 06:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what about good? No one ever mentioned that

Children are just like any other society. A few winners and a whole lot of loosers

If honesty is suddenly introduced into any society it will collapse

If we are to go about with what we feel, no one will go to work and everyone will be making more children

Politicians get a bad rep. Yes politicians get a bad rep. They are the best we can come up with

Why do women get so pretentious, back in those days cave men just kidnapped one

People are like advertisement, encourage competition by telling them they suck

Your neigbour doesn't like you because you are too quiet and dirty, its about time you showed up with with a .30 caliber SMG

Men are like wine, gets better with age. Women well... feel better with age

Contrary to popular opinion Jesus never carried a brief case or wore any disney products. He sure wasn't joking about the whole soul stuff
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th June 2005, 10:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

Occupational harzad.

http://www.sharkle.com/?a=video&id=627
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th June 2005, 07:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

Dinasours
http://www.sharkle.com/?a=video&id=496
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th June 2005, 11:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

How can you be a vegetarian and still drink milk. Now that's what I call inconsistency

Everybody reads but ironically the ones that do not believe everything they read are the smart ones

I have never understood martial arts. Which came first to the inventors? The martial or the arts?

If light always overcomes darkness, then what happens when you turn off all the lights and there is no sun

Attention! Rest area ahead! But in New York you are probably safer in your car! Paid for by the wonderful public of the state of New York

America was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free

Intelligence is the opposite of freedom.Might explain why American people are so "free"

Life is not always so serious and hectic, its just hecticly serious most of the time

According to the Catholic church's elections of the pope the man upstairs is not in favor of democracy, we are surely of the same image, no wrong doing here
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2005, 07:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

Organized crime pulls in 40 billion dollars a year! My question is exactly how did a law abiding citizen come up with the figures
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2005, 07:50 PM   #10 (permalink)
Oh mighty Gackt
 
Amber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 518
Re: Common rants

Easy.. it's called misinformation

My gripe is: Who makes up all the jokes? (and don't quote Asimov)
Amber is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2005, 07:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

yeah, nice to hear from you. it all by me myself and I
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th June 2005, 05:17 AM   #12 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

Rides you never want to hitch, not even in the outer galaxy



We will leave at four in the morning so that we will get there at four in the morning



My tires aren’t really good and I just borrowed the engine for this trip, and caress the ropes as seat belts



Yeah! We just buried half our friends 30 miles back



We all had chilly bean dip for lunch



We just shipped in from Iraq two days ago



Make sure you keep a second eye on your sex organs at all times



Not that important but if we happen to get stopped by the police get your stuff and bail!



Yeah! I just left my psychiatrist’s myself



Do you also think I’m too old to be driving? I mean I’m only 81 years young



Get in; just mind the Mexicans in the cargo area
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th June 2005, 04:51 AM   #13 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

So women fake orgasms. Who cares! Don't this people also fake their apperances? To me anyone who cannot enjoy sex clearly has a low self esteem, so who's actually sexier?
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th June 2005, 03:55 AM   #14 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
lucifer_principle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 112
Re: Common rants

"Religion is the result of all the drugs taken throughout man's existence"---G. Carlin
lucifer_principle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th June 2005, 04:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
Easily Distracted
 
Animaiden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 369
Re: Common rants

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucifer_principle
Attention! Rest area ahead! But in New York you are probably safer in your car! Paid for by the wonderful public of the state of New York
Actually it would be:

Reat Area Ahead
No facilities.
Next Rest Area 110 miles.

(Most of the rest areas are safe. The entire state doesn't have the crime of NYC.)
Animaiden is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 02:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.2.0 ©2008, Crawlability, Inc.