is there such a thing as too much?

[fishii]

I have a thread here: description in 405 words and in lieu of a fight I thought it would be better to post a poll and get opinions on the subject of "Is there such a thing as too many brand names in a description?"

Or rather which version is the better description.

version one:

Originally Posted by fishii

I wouldn’t say that I have the best room in the house. However, I would say it’s a pretty sweet one. When I come in my room I just like to stop and take it all in; strange, I know, but I still can’t believe Mama and Papa let me give it a Nintendo make-over. The walls are all painted up like video games. Professionals can do some amazing things. The left wall is painted Zelda style, the one directly across from the door is Mario fashion and to the right is painted Pokemon. The wall with my door has all kind of posters.

The walls are not all I pimped out. Against the Mario wall is the desk that my friends and I tricked out with Pokemon, Mario and Legend of Zelda. On it my notebook sits open, waiting for me to write in it. The desk and window in my room are positioned perfectly, no matter what time of day I sit in that desk and stare out the window, the sun is never in my eyes. My bed is tucked in the corner where the Mario and Pokemon walls come together; it sits lengthwise against the Pokemon wall. It’s probably the only nonNintendo thing currently in my room. It usually has a Zelda blanket on it, but two weeks ago it got ripped badly during a slumber party and Mama shipped it off to her mom to be fixed. Against the left wall I have a dresser and desk, both painted up to look like they are covered in ivy. On the desk is my desktop, also Zelda-ized and my laptop that’s been decked out Star Wars style. On the dresser is a triforce jewelry box.

My carpet is plush and soft, it’s the same color green a spring grass. My ceiling has been painted twice; once it was painted with special glow-in-the-dark-paint, to look like the night sky and then it was painted to look like a blue sky with white fluffy clouds. I don’t know how they did it but it’s cool the way that it’s a day sky in the day and a night sky at night.

My room is the only room in the house with access to my special walk in closet. It’s that closet, with it’s door painted to blend in with the wall, that brought my friends here today.

or version two:

Originally Posted by fishii

I wouldn’t say that I have the best room in the house. However, I would say it’s a pretty sweet one. When I come in my room I just like to stop and take it all in; strange, I know, but I still can’t believe Mama and Papa let me paint it. The walls are all painted up like a forest. Professionals can do some amazing things; I never would have been able to paint such realistic trees. The wall with my door has all kind of posters.

The walls are not all I redid. Against the far wall is my writing desk; on it my notebook sits open, waiting for me to write in it. The desk and window in my room are positioned perfectly, no matter what time of day I sit in that desk and stare out the window, the sun is never in my eyes. My bed is tucked in the corner where the far and right walls come together; it sits lengthwise against the right wall. It’s probably the only non themed item currently in my room. It usually has a Legend of Zelda blanket on it, but two weeks ago it got ripped badly during a slumber party and Mama shipped it off to her mom to be fixed. Against the left wall I have a dresser and desk, both painted up to look like they are covered in ivy. On the desk is my desktop, that has been remade to look a character from my favorite video game, and my laptop has a couple of Star Wars stickers on it. On the dresser is a triforce jewelry box.

My carpet is plush and soft, it’s the same color green a spring grass. My ceiling has been painted twice; once it was painted with special glow-in-the-dark-paint, to look like the night sky and then it was painted to look like a blue sky with white fluffy clouds. I don’t know how they did it but it’s cool the way that it’s a day sky in the day and a night sky at night.

My room is the only room in the house with access to my special walk in closet. It’s that closet, with it’s door painted to blend in with the wall, that brought my friends here today.

[Boneman]

Actually, I don't know how to vote on this one... by using brands you're fixing the story (I think) in a time and place, as well as fixing the audience (who would likely recognise the brands) who your story is nintended for. If you want to do that, then a young reader will recognise them and rejoice. Another reader might be put of by the 'commercialisation' of your book and nintnedo might sue... But there is a lot of repetition of the brands which hammers the point a little. Can I just say I prefer the second version? I'll think how to vote, later.

Naturally, I placed eight pints of Old Peculiar in my work, only so officionados of Real Ale would nod sagely...

ps; what are you doing up at this time? Isn't it the middle of the night?

[fishii]

it's like 6:16 am here and I couldn't sleep so I stayed up all night.
and you may be right about nintendo sueing... hummm.. I do know all the copyright information and will include that so maybe they won't because I am not planning on claiming it as my own. I should probably ask them.

[Mouse]

I'm with Boneman. I've used brand names in my WiP (Google, Versace, VW), but I've used them sparingly, and there's a big gap between each usage.

Brand names are fine, but too many used in such a short space of time reads a little like an advert.

[alchemist]

Originally Posted by Boneman

...who your story is nintended for...

On topic, keep it to a minimum.

[fishii]

Now I wonder how to show the MC's obsession without using the brand names. although I have worked it into my story that it's a description in the character's journal for an English assignment. Maybe that will help ease the 'commercialness' of it.

[Boneman]

But the second version does that pretty well, I think. All you've done is mention Zelda and Star Wars. Maybe a line "I wanted to have all the walls filled with characters frorm my favorite video games, but Mom put her foot down." ?

[fishii]

Humm... That... actually works well especially since this place is only used for the first couple of chapters a few of times.

[Jammill Khursheed]

As for using brand names re: legality... You have to do something pretty bad to get in trouble, just having a character that LOVES Nintendo games wouldn't be a problem, and I can't see them suing you for that... If Link comes to life and gets all 'rapey' or something (it is fantasy, someone could magic him to life) then yeah, you might have a problem...

As for it placing the script in a particular time period, you probably lucked out by picking Nintendo characters as they've been using the same ones for nigh on thirty years now (the first Zelda was 83 or 84, the first Mario bros before that, and the Zelda and Mario franchises just keep going), so if you took the (mid 90's) Pokemon reference out this story could be set anywhere from 1983 to the near future...

And Star Wars will (seemingly) never die, even when they stopped making films and just started making 2 1/2 hour toy commercials it didn't stop em'...

The only slight problem with the references in the first draft, for me at any rate, was the amount of times the words 'Mario' and 'Zelda' were used, NOT the fact that they were used at all...


Jammill

EDIT - The owners of 'Mr Kipling' threatened to sue to me when I stupidly checked if they were okay with one of my aborted novels... It was a comedy sci-fi novel, in a world where dried fruit is banned, and Mr Kipling himself (who never really existed btw), angered by the fact Glace Cherries were illegal, used his cake millions to fund a cake-based terrorist army (the first chapter had the main character defusing a christmas cake "do I cut the blue sparkly ribbon or the red sparkly ribbon?")... I figured I shouldn't mess with them, seeing as the company is actually owned by Heckler & Koch who make guns for the army...

[Bowler1]

You missed having none as an option on your poll survey, Fishii. I don't allow any of my characters near a Coke or Pepsi, no VW cars or Boss jeans in sight!

[fishii]

oops.. sorry... I wish i could edit the poll but i cant.

[Hex]

I think since the question is 'How many... is too many?' then having a 0 might just confuse people

You know how I feel about this, fishii. I liked the references in the first segment.

(but I haven't voted because I don't think you can have a hard and fast rule about this sort of thing -- it depends how much it matters to the story and to telling us what the character's like).

[Jammill Khursheed]

I'm with Hex on the voting thing - It all depends on the context...

The fact you used copyright names was never a problem... If you changed the first draft so that it were pictures of Johnny Depp and Steve McQueen instead of Mario and Zelda, you would have used the words 'Johnny Depp' and 'Steve McQueen' too much in the space of a few paragraphs...


Jammill

[James Coote]

What about fake brand names like McRonalds or pespi cola? Honestly, brand names make me cringe and reminds me I'm reading a book

[TheDustyZebra]

I think, for the purpose you are intending (or nintending?), something in between the first and second versions would be good.

The first one is a bit heavy, but in the second one I think you lose the ambience you're going for, which is an over-branded kid. I have two of those myself, and they would think like your first version, but it comes across too strongly. The second one is not the same sort of kid, exactly.