A request for all your Bi-lingual jokes

[Jammill Khursheed]

My favourite types of jokes in the world are bi-lingual ones, even when the joke themselves are piss poor, as long as you need to know two languages I think they're brilliant...

Sadly, I only know two, so I'm throwing out there to see if I can get some more... For now, here's one example, The Swimming Cats...


There are these two rival cat breeders who train their cat's how to swim, an English guy who calls his cat "one-two-three" and a French guy who calls his cat "Une-deux-trois"... After flaming each other for months on the internet, they decide to have a race to see who's cat can swim the English channel the fastest... The English cat sets off from Dover, and the French one from Calais, with a guy in a row boat at the half way point with a stop watch... When they get half way, there's nothing between the two cats, down to the tenth of a second, but by the end can you guess which cat won?

It was the English cat, and do you know why...

Because Une Deux Trois Qat Cinq...


You can laugh, or you can hate me for the rest of your life cos of how cheesy it was, but I want more of em...


Jammill

[thaddeus6th]

Not sure if this really counts as it's a play on words rather than a joke with a punchline, but in Bane of Souls (which has some Frenchy sorts and some approximately English people) one of the Dennishmen (Englishmen) complains that his Felarian/French cook confused his order and made him poison instead of poisson.

[The Judge]

But one man's fish is another man's poisson.

[chrispenycate]

Seulement si un oeuf is as good as a feast.

Malheuresement, bien que je fais les gags entre mes deux langues (avec sauce aux câpres, since despite my decrepitude I can still cut a caper (merci, Bill) le plupart raconte seulement à quelle point les 'rosbif' s'exprime mal dans la langue de Voltaire, comm le pilote brittanique pendant la guerre s'écrase avec son avion dans un champ ou pousse des racines comestibles, et insulte le paysan on criant "Monsieur, je crache dans vos rognons!"

Ou, peut-être the old couple who're weekending in Paris, when the wife dies. Not having the correct costume for a funeral, he asks the gendarme on the corner "Excusez-moi, m'sieur l'agent, mais où peut-je acheter un capeau noir?"
"Une capote, Monsieur? A la pharmacie du coin."
Going into the chemist's he is a bit surprised at the selection offered, but still goes up to the counter and attempts:
"Excusez-moi, ma demoiselle, est ce vous pouves me vendre un capeau noir?"
"Une capote, bien sûre, mais pourquoi noir?"
"Ma femme est morte."
"Oh, quelle finesse"

[The Judge]

So where would a young man asking for une lettre francaise be directed? A stationers?

[thaddeus6th]

Oh, that reminds me of a 'joke' I was taught at school.

Why do the French eat only a single egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf[sp].

[Boneman]

Did you hear a french chef committed suicide? He lost the huile d'olive....

[Jammill Khursheed]

Okay, this one is only funny if a) you live in the UK and b) you can speak urdu... But here goes anyway...

An unlicensed taxi driver stops to pick up a fat chick, but tells her she'll break his seats so she has to get in the boot... She's in the boot, and he's driving round picking people up and totally forgets she's in there... He stops at the traffic lights next to a police car and the police can hear a knocking sound and someone screaming for help, so they pull him over... As one police officer goes to check round the back of the car, the other one asks the taxi driver for his driving licence, and he just says "no speak English", then he asks for his taxi licence and the driver just says "no speak English", just as the other officer is opening the boot, the first officer then asks if he's got insurance or an MOT just as the women comes lurching out of the boot gasping for air, and the taxi driver says "eh, motie"

NOTE - "eh motie" translates as "alright fat chick" in urdu... Tell this joke to one of my fellow pakistani britians and they will love you forever its that funny to them... Admittedly no one else gets it but thems the breaks...


Jammill

[chrispenycate]

A German pretending to be English goes into a bar and orders two martinis.

“Certainly, sir. Dry?”

“Nein, zwei.”

[anivid]

Since you all seem to be francophiles here, I think this could pass for a bilingual joke

http://s1151.photobucket.com/albums/...cedeBouc__.mp4

Hope it works :-)

[General Tyran]

My spanish instructor told me this one.

"Why is the fish the laziest creature?"
blank stares from class)
"What does a fish do?"
(more blank stares)
"Nada."

[chrispenycate]

Henri? Tu dors?

[Montero]

There used to be a lets parlais franglais column in Punch. I remember French "nursery rhymes" (well a little bit of )

"Un petit, d'un petit" (and the rest has gone - the whole one was there once upon a time.).

But thanks to Wikipedia here it is again

Un petit d'un petit
S'étonne aux Halles
Un petit d'un petit
Ah! degrés te fallent
Indolent qui ne sort cesse
Indolent qui ne se mène
Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
Tout Gai de Reguennes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mots_d%27Heures


and Chris and General Tyran - could you explain yours - really not got them.

[chrispenycate]

Ambles in

I only put mine in because of the theme of the seventy-five word challenge.

Oui, je connais 'Mot d'heure, Gousse, rames'; I took inspiration from it for Worserey time. (Son of Worldbuilders)