Discussion -- 75 Word Challenge -- June

[Perpetual Man]

Typically things have gone from 0-60 over the last week, but hopefully I'll keep on top of the comments...

What was that?

I've not got a story up yet?

Oh $#!+!!!!

Reiver33 – There is the feel of something intrinsically peaceful at the heart of this one, but it is little more than a veneer that almost hides something a lot more brutal. The earth shaking at the end is ominous, the lamb at the beginning decries innocence... I like the feel of it almost as though innocence can be given back but at a terrible cost.

RcGrant – For me it is what is left unsaid that makes this story. The opening line is almost grotesque, the description of the priest’s stomach made me cringe – excellent writing, made me think of a giant slug... the story leads you by your imagination and I know what the reader is meant to think is going on, but the clever part is nothing is said. It is just innuendo. The fact that this all seems to be going on during a funeral is adds another layer to it... still have to wonder what the young lady is doing with a scythe!

Phoenixthewriter – This story is an ideal display of misdirection (at least in my interpretation), a dangerous weapon is apparently locked away to keep it safe... but what is really safe from children? Of course the father is a good one, a step ahead it seems. Curiosity might lead the kids to get hold of the weapon but the dangerous one is where it should be, a toy the answer to the innocent curiosity.

Kaufmannp – I liked the fact that there is a different form of innocence displayed here. That a (presumably) massive empire could be seen as innocent is strange but true, returning to the Earth with the belief that all will be the same is a superb idea; and the fact that it is not is not only a great twist but the manner in which things are run might be a little bit too close to a future truth.

Starbeast – A breath of fresh air, as always. A story that is in itself innocent, without taking the characters into account. I could almost see this as an animated masterpiece, see the characters in my head and just loved the ending. Cute bunny wielding an axe hehehehe.

[Boneman]

Perp: thanks for the excellent review... I take my hat off to you, you always do us proud, and invariably find something in the tale we hadn't thought of...

RCGrant - yup, if I can find it... now where did I put that thing? Thankee kindly!

[Phoenixthewriter]

Well, I was waiting for your review to pop up before saying so, but welcome back Perp, at least this month!

Thanks for the reviews as well, not just for my own. Its fun to reread those stories to capture just what your opinion is stating.

[RcGrant]

Originally Posted by Perpetual Man

RcGrant – For me it is what is left unsaid that makes this story. The opening line is almost grotesque, the description of the priest’s stomach made me cringe – excellent writing, made me think of a giant slug... the story leads you by your imagination and I know what the reader is meant to think is going on, but the clever part is nothing is said. It is just innuendo. The fact that this all seems to be going on during a funeral is adds another layer to it... still have to wonder what the young lady is doing with a scythe!

You're a gentleman. Thank you for responding. Little concerned what I thought was an obvious motif with the scythe hasn't been picked up on, but c'est la vie!

I am looking forward to seeing your entry too!

[Perpetual Man]

BM and Phoenix my pleasure as always, it's good to be back and appreciated.

Trying to decide whether it's worth holding on to what I have for my story so far and hope I have time to play with it some more, or to post as is... (The one thing I am determined in is that I will not miss the month!)

[reiver33]

Originally Posted by TomS
Has anyone ever seen a legitimate idea worthy of expansion in their challenge stories?

The entry I submitted for the Steampunk challenge became a longish short story.

[alchemist]

Originally Posted by TomS

Has anyone ever seen a legitimate idea worthy of expansion in their challenge stories?

My last 300 word story has now turned into a 7,780 word story which will be entering itself into a competition this week.

[TheDustyZebra]

Originally Posted by alchemist

My last 300 word story has now turned into a 7,780 word story which will be entering itself into a competition this week.

That's quite a story! Did it write itself, too, or is it only taking care of the business end of things for you?

I've had a few that I think need to be expanded, and I've worked on two of those, but I haven't finished any so far. They're on the back burner.

[Starbeast]

Originally Posted by Boneman

Perp: thanks for the excellent review... I take my hat off to you, you always do us proud

Boneman said it best, you are a great reviewer. Thanks for commenting on my simple story.

I'm curious to see what you come up with.

I did the same as always, I waited till something sprang forth from my mind. And of course I checked to see what was posted before I submitted. It's fun reading the other stories too.

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Originally Posted by TomS

Has anyone ever seen a legitimate idea worthy of expansion in their challenge stories?

I wanted to, but the one that had the most promise I had to edit so ruthlessly it was easily my worst entry. I can't believe I had shamed the challenge by entering such a piece of bovine tripe. *Shakes fist at Goblin Invasion entry*

[Teresa Edgerton]

Originally Posted by Karn Maeshalanadae

I can't believe I had shamed the challenge by entering such a piece of bovine tripe.

Slap!!!

You know you've had that coming for a while.

(Let the boy get away with a few self-depracating remarks and he thinks he can get away with any amount of self-flagellation. We'll see about that.)

[David Evil Overlord]

Slapped hard across his bovine tripes by a Goblin Princess. That'll learn him.

[Bowler1]

Ouch!

I'd like to express pity for Karn but I'm too scared to!

[Perpetual Man]

Be thankful it was Teresa who did the slap - it hurts but by golly, Nixie - Nixie takes you off your feet

[David Evil Overlord]

Not the way you wish to be swept off your feet.