Attraction

[Mouse]

This is more a question for the ladies, as I know what men (not all) think.

So: Think of somebody you really fancy but had never met - a celeb for example, only when you met them, they turned out to be a bit of an arse. Would you still find them attractive?

I'm having real trouble trying to imagine this. For me, attraction is mostly based on personality, so if someone was a git I just wouldn't fancy them in the first place.

I know men (not all) can separate things better, so they'll still find a woman sexy even if she's a total cow.

But are there women who this applies to too?

I'm trying to imagine what would happen if I met Ben Barnes (who I think is utterly beautiful) and discovered he was a scum bag. Would I still find him attractive?

In my WiP, my character Jenn is besotted with a celeb: Ambrose. She meets him and finds out he's full of himself and actually quite rude. I just can't work out whether she'd still find him attractive or not.

Thoughts?

[Ursa major]

Sorry, the wrong demographic, but....

It seems to me that some people (whether men or women, or straight or gay) are willing to put up with appalling behaviour from their partner (which hardly seems the right word for this sort of person) even when they're neither celebrities nor - in the eyes of those outside the (one-way) relationship - recognisable as decent functioning human beings.

If Jenn is one of these people, she may take all sorts of the nonsense from Ambrose up to and until he finds another, replacement, acolyte.

[springs]

When I was young John Taylor from Duran Duran was my god. The lot, posters, tshirts, read the same book (he introduced me to Isabel Allende, so there was something good from it.)
I read Andy Taylor's biogr last year - it was a bargain bin special - and some of what he presented was less than edifying about my hero. I suspect also mostly true.

Still fancy him, sadly. That help?

[allmywires]

I don't think she would; I certainly wouldn't, cos I'm such a personality girl. And there's the other thing with it being a celebrity, it's idolisation primarily. Finding out he's a bit of a twunt is just a realisation: it's not like he was always nice and then became an idiot, she never knew him and has only just found it out.

Then again, there is always the bad boy/inaccessible thing: some strange women think that the worse a man treats her, the more desirable he is. *eyeroll*

[alchemist]

Of course this would vary from person to person, and not necessarily along gender lines. Some of the sexiest women I've met were not particularly beautiful, and I can think of a couple of conventionally beautiful women I've met who I didn't like because of their personality. I could see they were still beautiful but if offered a choice, i would have plumped for the former category.

Long story short: do what your story demands.

[Mouse]

Ursa, but that's sort of when somebody gets stuck and has been with someone a long time. It's (usually) not in the initial stages.

springs, yeah it kinda does. Why still fancy him if he's an arse?

I'm more with allmywires. Personality for me. If a guy can make me laugh...

With Jenn... I don't know. I think maybe she would still be able to see that he was a good looking man, but she'd no longer fancy him, maybe?

[allmywires]

Originally Posted by Mouse

With Jenn... I don't know. I think maybe she would still be able to see that he was a good looking man, but she'd no longer fancy him, maybe?

I think that's very true to life: who hasn't fallen for a guy only to realise he's not as great as you think he was? (bitter...)

You have to consider the emotional impact, though, and whether the pay off is good enough for a slow-burn disillusionment (which is what it sounds like to me). There's a reason why books are mostly about falling in love rather than falling out of it.

[Ursa major]

Originally Posted by Mouse

Ursa, but that's sort of when somebody gets stuck and has been with someone a long time. It's (usually) not in the initial stages.

I'm thinking of those people who seem to go from one car-crash "relationship" to another, where they know what they're walking into but can't seem to stop themselves.

I understand that if you find you've invested a lot of time and emotional energy into a relationship before you find they're an arse, it can be difficult to walk away.

It seems to me that Jenn would be in the first category if she were to "forgive" - or try to change, but with little hope of success - a person she saw was an arse on first meeting them. I really can't see that admiring someone on the screen or in magazines - where they are inevitably playing a part, even if it's a version of themselves - is the same as building a true relationship (before the 'partner' reveals their true selves).

[springs]

Well, I don't know if he is.... not for sure. He does have very good taste in books. If I met him and he really was, that might change things.

[Mouse]

It's not a relationship though, between Jenn and Ambrose (I should've explained that better), it's just her thinking he's sexy and finding out his personality doesn't exactly match his looks.

AMW, I'm hoping the pay off will be good... You know the characters, do you think Jenn'd still fancy him?

Sorry if this isn't seeming to make much sense to anyone, I'm trying to think and type at the same time.

So, basically Ambrose has already admitted he'd sleep with her simply because she has a nice body. But he'd not be fussed about a relationship.

Jenn's admitted to wanting Ambrose's babies. But this was before she met him.

Now she's met him, she doesn't know him that well, but there's moments when he's quite rude to her.

The thing is, he can't (at the moment) touch people without feeling what they're feeling. So when he touches Jenn, he can feel she's attracted to him.

[springs]

Wouldn't he also feel her doubts about him? Does he care?

[Mouse]

Originally Posted by springs1971

Wouldn't he also feel her doubts about him? Does he care?

She's still a bit swoony at the mo to have doubts, but I think they'll be coming soon.

He probably wouldn't give a rat's arse. He thinks everybody thinks he's fantastic and those who don't think that aren't worth his time.

[allmywires]

It depends how arse-y Ambrose is, I suppose, whether he's being outright nasty to her or just his general self. In the case of the latter, she might still fancy him, but her dreams of having his babies would have to be reassessed!

[springs]

And he is quite funny, especially when he's grumpy... a bit of humour goes a long way I find.

[allmywires]

Ambrose is a babe! I'd find him hilarious. He probably wouldn't appreciate all my laughing at his pouting, though...