Grammar checker rant

[Parson]

Every job has its jargon. But since I've been writing sermons and taking exegetical notes for twenty plus years now. Seldom do I get the squiggle that used to dominate my papers.

[David Evil Overlord]

You can't have spaghetti bolognese. Word insists on you capitalise Bolognese, even if the spaghetti that goes with it is lower case uncapitalised.

And neanderthal must be capitalised. Really? So every time I write the word "human" I should capitalise that, too?

And please do not try this at home -- any more. No matter how you try to word it, "any more" must be anymore.

Word is a four-letter word.

[Jennifer Cthulus]

Originally Posted by David Evil Overlord

And please do not try this at home -- any more. No matter how you try to word it, "any more" must be anymore.

Heh. My international English spellcheck refuses to accept "anymore" as a single word. Firefox is underlining it in red as I type this. Must be a US English thing.

[Vertigo]

Originally Posted by David Evil Overlord

You can't have spaghetti bolognese. Word insists on you capitalise Bolognese, even if the spaghetti that goes with it is lower case uncapitalised.

And neanderthal must be capitalised. Really? So every time I write the word "human" I should capitalise that, too?

And please do not try this at home -- any more. No matter how you try to word it, "any more" must be anymore.

Word is a four-letter word.

On the 'anymore' front take a look at this: http://alt-usage-english.org/anymore.html

On the captialising human thing I was thingking about this recently and it seems to me the SF world has a little trouble with consistency here. If we ever expand out into the stars and meet another intelligent race lets say the Grams from the planet Ergat then are humans and our empire:

1. humans and the Human Empire
2. Humans and the Human Empire
3. Earthmen and the Earth Empire
4. Terrans and the Terran Empire
5. mankind and the Empire of Man
6. Mankind and the Empire of Man

and are the Grams:
1. Grams and the Gram Empire
2. grams and the Gram Empire
3. Ergatans and the Ergatan Empire
4. And...

How come in SF only we seem to have multiple names for ourselves, whilst aliens always have to put up with just one name usually based on the name of their planet. Certainly we always seem to capitalise the aliens name but not our own (if we use human or mankind).

[Leisha]

My Word is set to British English, but it ALWAYS tries to get me to write "anymore".

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Great thread, btw!

It took me a long time before I felt confident enough to remove the grammar checker (before that I'd just switched off *some* of the options, like punctuation and passive voice and fragments and such). I'm a serial fragmenter, which doesn't go down well in Word. I'm also a lover of semicolons, and in my recent short story I've taken to using comma splices for effect, too, which Word HATES... Oh! and Word always highlights parts *aren't* passive, which annoys me no end! So I only keep the spell checker on now...

However, out of curiosity I switched it on to see what it would say about three of the stories I'm working on:



She flopped onto the couch = She flipped onto the couch [Very acrobatic!]

He notched an arrow into his bow, contemplating whether he could loose it into the man’s head from this distance. = He notched an arrow into his bow, contemplating whether he could lose it into the man’s head from this distance.

...and wore an umber helmet = ...and wore a number helmet

The village was neither alive nor dead – it lingered ghostlike, its glorious past long gone, its future stillborn. = The village was neither alive nor dead – it lingered ghostlike, it's glorious past long gone, its future stillborn.

He’d bet his whole damn = He’d bet his completely damn

It was a gaze he’d seen in the animals he hunted... = He'd seen a gaze in the animals he hunted...

Praying it didn’t have water damage, she flicked the screen to life... = Praying it didn’t have water damage; she flicked the screen to life...

The man lay ahead, his gaze to the sky = The man laid ahead, his gaze to the sky

She closed her eyes, let her limbs and head rest, though with... = She closed her eyes, let her limbs and headrest, though with...

...richly detailed and gleaming. = ...richly detailed and gleaming do.

They’ll find out you lied, and then... = They’ll find out you laid, and then...

‘I don’t underst—’= ‘I don’t undress—’

The pipe ended to much applause. = The pipe ended too much applause. [I might add the comma in since I've been debating it, although I preferred the flow without...]

[Boneman]

Leisha, I think your computer is obsessed with sex! Hi to you both, hope things are okay for you.

Every time I say "he felt for all the world like a complete idiot"
I get "he felt for the entire world like a complete idiot"
"The splash was enormous. Which gave me an idea" became
"The splash was enormous. Which gave me an idea?"

Hah! It can't even agree with itself!! "looking as though they'd laid down to sleep" became "looking as though they'd lay down to sleep", but when I accepted it, it then came up with "looking as though they'd lie down to sleep"... machines and logic, eh?

[chrispenycate]

Look. they make programs for Macs to make them simulate PCs, right? { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And Mac simulators for Windows? What I have gathered from this thread is that the world needs a universal binary Chrispy simulator, with a strong desire to leave people's words as close to what they hear as possible, a homophone detector and a repunctuation gizmo. Preferably incorporating the atrocious sense of humour{Fragment}.

After all I'm about the simplest. most straightforward software existing to run on a human brain, so it would be a worthwhile exercise.

Turing test?{Fragment} I doubt whether I'd pass it. { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And with the touring test, I'd get the written exam, and doubtless the oral. Just creaking a bit too much for the practical{ Fragment}.

[Ursa major]

Originally Posted by Leisha

...and in my recent short story I've taken to using comma splices for effect, too, which Word HATES...

So Word isn't completely useless, then?

Originally Posted by Boneman

Hah! It can't even agree with itself!! "looking as though they'd laid down to sleep" became "looking as though they'd lay down to sleep", but when I accepted it, it then came up with "looking as though they'd lie down to sleep"... machines and logic, eh?

Shouldn't this be:

looking as though they'd lain down to sleep

Laid is the past participle of the verb, to lay = 'deposit' or 'place in recumbent posture', as in 'he lays the book on the desk', or 'he laid the book on the desk', or 'he had laid the book on the desk'.

Lain is the past participle of the verb, to lie = '(Of person or animal) have one's body in more or less horizontal position along ground or surface', hence 'I lie on the ground', 'I have lain on the ground', 'I lay on the ground', or 'I had lain on the ground'.

It seems to me that the 'they' in your sentence had not, at some point in the past, decided to lay something on the ground, but had decided to lie on the ground, in order to get some sleep.

[David Evil Overlord]

Just had my teenage superhero thinking, "I was shaking so much, I could have whipped cream with my bare hands."*

Word insists the comma should be replaced with a semicolon. "I was shaking so much; I could have whipped cream with my bare hands."

Leisha, I have also had adventures with Word insisting my teenage super hero shouldn't have lied her way out of trouble, she should have laid her way out of trouble. Honestly, why does Word think she's that kind of girl?

*No, that's not one of her powers.

[Boneman]

Originally Posted by chrispenycate

Look. they make programs for Macs to make them simulate PCs, right? { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And Mac simulators for Windows? What I have gathered from this thread is that the world needs a universal binary Chrispy simulator, with a strong desire to leave people's words as close to what they hear as possible, a homophone detector and a repunctuation gizmo. Preferably incorporating the atrocious sense of humour{Fragment}.

After all I'm about the simplest. most straightforward software existing to run on a human brain, so it would be a worthwhile exercise.

Turing test?{Fragment} I doubt whether I'd pass it. { Starts sentence with a conjunction.}And with the touring test, I'd get the written exam, and doubtless the oral. Just creaking a bit too much for the practical{ Fragment}.

Perfect!! I laughed out loud at this, and forwarded it to Microsoft...

Originally Posted by Ursa major

So Word isn't completely useless, then?


Shouldn't this be:


Laid is the past participle of the verb, to lay = 'deposit' or 'place in recumbent posture', as in 'he lays the book on the desk', or 'he laid the book on the desk', or 'he had laid the book on the desk'.

Lain is the past participle of the verb, to lie = '(Of person or animal) have one's body in more or less horizontal position along ground or surface', hence 'I lie on the ground', 'I have lain on the ground', 'I lay on the ground', or 'I had lain on the ground'.

It seems to me that the 'they' in your sentence had not, at some point in the past, decided to lay something on the ground, but had decided to lie on the ground, in order to get some sleep.

But they were all dead by the time my hero sees them. What's a past participle...?

[Ursa major]

Are you suggesting that after they lay down, someone else laid them to rest...?

[Boneman]

Possibly... they've been dead five centuries, so the post-mortem is inconclusive...

[Ursa major]

Let's hope they're not cut up about that.









(By the way, I hope you're not lying about any of this. )

[Boneman]

Lieing? Moi? Nope, I was editing, and came across the red underlining, which I'd previously ignored... it's quite a pivotal scene, as well!

[Mouse]

My grammar checker told me I can't use 'pretty blonde girls.' Apparently I have to use 'blonde girls.'