Excuses

[Interference]

Dear Mr President,

Sorry about launching those nuclear weapons at you but we thought you were Osama.

Tony.

[Starbeast]

Hi Ralph,

I like your new car. Sorry I crashed into it.

Edward Norton, Underground Specialist.

[fishii]

Hi World,

I know how much you like the ice caps. Soooooooo I am going to melt them.

Sincerely,
Global Warming

[Interference]

Dear Santa,

Sorry I forgot to leave out the milk and cookies this year, but I was just told that you don't exist and thought it would be a waste of time and resources. I hope you aren't too offended.

P.S. Thanks for all the lovely presents again this year. For a big fat bloke who doesn't even exist, you sure are a generous fella.

[fishii]

Dear Global Warming,

Leave the ice caps alone, OR ELSE.

Sincerely,

the EPA

ps. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

[Starbeast]

Dear Santa,

I found one of your elves passed out in the snow. He was alive until I discovered chunks of his body blasting out of my snow blower.

Please don't be mad, it was an accident and I will mail what's left of him inside a shoe box to you at the North Pole.

P.S. Is it too late to exchange the gift you gave me for a new snow blower?

[fishii]

Dear Humans,

We would never invade such uncivilised and inferior creatures. Not even to destroy you. It is way to fun watching you destroy yourselves.

Yours Truely,

Aliens

[Interference]

Dear Earth,

We found you at last but, to be honest, we now feel the Cylons are right. We've given them your address.

Yours,

Admiral Adama
Battlestar Galactica

[Starbeast]

Dear Admiral Adama,

Thanks.

General Baltar

[hopewrites]

Dear Employment Personnel,

Much as I regret the work I will no longer be doing for you, it seems I need a paycheck as well as something to occupy my time. There also seem to be some sort of state and federal regulations about it, though I am not aware of them. Thank you kindly for the warm box under the stairs it is infinitely more comfortable than the bit of soggy cardboard under the downspout of the eves, but until said paycheck is forth coming I must decline your hospitable invitation to it.

Devotedly your own
Slave laborer.

[fishii]

Dear Laborer,

WE found someone else for the job... and we're keeping our box.

Sincerely,
Human Resources

[Starbeast]

Dear Council of Elders,

I regret to inform you that I followed in my great grandfather's scientific research and created a monster that has been terrorizing the countryside, eating sheep and throwing villagers around in town (through widows, doors & walls). Please understand that it wasn't my intention to make an evil creature, you see, my lab assistant delivered to me the wrong brain and, well, you know the rest.

I wish to apologize to you all and make things right A.S.A.P. So, if you find my creation, please send him back to my castle.

Most Sincerely Yours,
Dr. Victor Frankenstein VII

P.S. Don't approach my monster with torches, candles, lit cigarettes, pipes and cigars, he has PYROPHOBIA.

[hopewrites]

To Everyone Outside My Box,

I will not becoming out today. The outside is too big. Please find a scientist with a shrink-ray before trying to remove these contents from their premiss.

Confiningly yours,
Agroa Phobe