For critique -- the bio to go with my press materials

[slack]

If the world was not quite ready for Goblin Moon when it first appeared, the world eventually learned its mistake — to the benefit of the used-book stores if not to myself.

This kind of stuff makes you sound like a tool, like you genuinely believe you're ahead of your time, which is the height of arrogance and an instant turnoff (for this gentle reader, anyway).

[Teresa Edgerton]

I was ahead of my time, slack. And being self-effacing hasn't worked for me, while those who are arrogant tend to be taken at their own valuation.

Of course the arrogance bit doesn't work nearly as well for women. And I am keeping that thought in mind and I have been considering whether to cut that line.

[AnyaKimlin]

I have to admit to only reading the bios on backs of books and internet sites, and watched romance writing ladies in a chatroom put theirs together. Based on that yes it is to long, and includes a lot of information that I personally think I don't need to know.

*I think it was Boneman that suggested moving it into third person and that does seem to work better with the bios.

*The information about the Green Lion Trilogy is very long winded and feels unnecessary to knowing about Goblin Moon. Actually it feels like you have devoted more to other people's works and the trilogy than yourself and Goblin Moon.

Personally I'd keep the focus on you and Goblin Moon with a short bit about other works and keep it to 300-350 words.

[Hex]

You remind me of advice an arrogant-male-academic once gave me -- he said: it's hard to boast about yourself because it feels like arrogance, but if you write it in the third person, it can be easier (he suggested switching it back to first person afterwards, but you don't need to).

About the before-its-time thing -- I don't suppose there are any numbers to support that statement? I can't think how there would be, but I thought I'd ask.

[Gary Compton]

Well, I'm as much use as a chocolate fire guard when it comes to critiquing but I can help in a small way.

I have put a banner on my 2 business websites, here and here

I will put an advert on some more the websites I control. Collectively they get 500 hits a day so you might get some sales. Free adverts for a fellow Chronite!

As a well known supermarket says. "Every little helps."

They are toward the bottom of the homepage. If you want the banner editing, let me know, I've already noticed your name needs to be more prominent. I will do tomorrow!

[Teresa Edgerton]

OK, here is a new version. It's considerably less than a page long, although inserting the photograph, it does slop over onto the next page. I could see if changing the margins would fix that. The kind of blogs I am submitting to do want pictures and bios, and seem to like the personal touch, so no third person. With the bibliography I can't get this file under three and a half pages without resorting to very, very small print. (That may sound arrogant, too, but it's not like I can mention more than one title on the same line.)

And Rooky, there is a press release with a dynamic description of the book, and rapturous quotes from important writers. (Oops, that may be arrogance again. Sorry, slack.) The bio is just extra information the blogs ask for. I'm open to other suggestions however.

I'll include the press release here after all, so you can see it without having to go looking for it. It will be a separate file, so they can read it first.

Press Release:

(Of course there will be a picture of the bookcover. You can see it below by clicking on the thumbnail. It will be smaller, to fit on the page with the rest.)

WHEN THE GOBLIN MOON RISES, STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN...

Coffins float down the river, hobgoblins emerge from their dens, alchemists pore over ancient texts in search of the secret of creating life

And one man fights a secret battle against cruelty and injustice, with wit, ingenuity, and a lethal lack of compunction.

GUNPOWDER AND ALCHEMY supersedes Sword and Sorcery in this swashbuckling tale of sorcery, witchcraft, disguises, revenges, mesmerism, animal magnetism, secret identities, and secret societies.


"In an era of dross, when most fantasy novels seem to be only role playing games writ large, Ms. Edgerton has set out in search of the true Philosopher's Stone — her genuine writer's voice."
—Tad Williams

"Everything I wished for and more ... Excellent, excellent, excellent!"
—Kate Elliott

"As satisfying a modern novel as one could wish for. Stylish and inventive, with a unique flavor interweaving the best of the romantical reality of a particular period in history with a highly original use of fantasy elements."
— Baird Searles, Asimov's Science Fiction


GOBLIN MOON will be available in trade paperback on amazon and other online outlets in late November, and is available now at the Lulu store.


Here's the rewritten bio:

I believe I began telling stories as soon as I learned to talk.

As a child, I was a voracious reader with interests that were always changing as one book or series after another caught my imagination. But I was happiest reading tales of the fantastic and marvelous. Then and afterwards these were the stories that influenced my writing. However, it wasn’t until I discovered the works of J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis that my true love affair with fantasy began. The Lord of the Rings was a mind-altering experience from which I have never recovered.

Six years later, my decision to be a stay-at-home mother left me — if not with much time on my hands — at least in easy reach of a typewriter. Although I loved writing for its own sake, we were living paycheck-paycheck barely above the poverty line, and writing seemed like a possible way out, while still allowing me to remain home with the children. In the end this proved to be true, though I never imagined it would take me seven years to write my first book. Ignorance can be a blessing.

After that first epic fantasy, my interests led me in a new direction, to write the proto-steampunk/fantasy-of-manners, Goblin Moon. It had a modest success at the time, and gained an enthusiastic following over the next two decades — to the benefit of the used-book stores if not to myself. Meanwhile, I continued writing.

Increasingly the pressure of deadlines made it difficult to maintain my creative integrity while still meeting the expectations of my publishers (they had already paid me to write the books, and one can hardly blame them if they wanted me to do so), I decided that traditional publishing no longer suited me. I’m now engaged in self-publishing my backlist, with plans to eventually release new books and new stories in the same way. This new phase of my career begins with the re-release of Goblin Moon.

As with so many other families, the collapse of the economy brought our own full-circle. My husband and I now share our home with three adult children, a son-in-law, twin grandsons, and the obligatory pets — what fantasy writer doesn’t have pets? The house is full everyone have accepted the situation cheerfully ... though the books are beginning to feel crowded and are muttering threats of rebellion.

[TheEndIsNigh]

I've not had any experience (well, maybe a little bit, but of none of any consequence) with Bio Info.

However...

Originally Posted by Teresa Edgerton

This is the biographical information that I plan to attach to my press materials for Goblin Moon. I'll be sending it out to blogs and websites I the hope that they'll either want to interview me or review GM. Is it too long? Would it bore you — or make you eager to do an interview with me?


I believe I began telling stories as soon as I learned to talk. (unlikely - it sounds too far fetched - which to me is not a good convincer)

As a child, I was a voracious reader with interests that were always changing as one book or series after another would catch (drew or caught maybe) my imagination. But I was happiest reading tales of the fantastic and marvelous: the Oz books, Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland; the classic fairy tales like “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” or “The Seven Swans,” literary fairy tales like “The Light Princess” or “Beauty and the Beast.” Then and afterwards (sounds clumsy - if you are saying you also started writing at an early age it deserves a separate mention, not just a "Then and". If these exploits were insignificant then I wouldn't mention them) these were the stories that influenced my writing. However, it wasn’t until I was a teenager and discovered the works of J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis that my true love affair with fantasy began. The Lord of the Rings was a mind-altering (life changing sounds better, mind changing sound a bit LSDish) experience from which I have never recovered

Six years (a bit vague in the time line. This puts you either as a teenage or twenty five year old mother. I think it makes a difference.) later, my decision to be a stay-at-home mother left me ... if not with much time on my hands ... at least in easy reach of a typewriter. This, and a particular interest in alchemy, (these could be expanded - alchemy is a fascinating subject, why not fill in some detail) the old fairy tales, and Celtic mythology, inspired me to begin writing The Green Lion Trilogy. I never imagined it would take me almost ten years to write. Ignorance can be a blessing.

After the Green Lion books, came the proto-steampunk/fantasy-of-manners (not familiar with fantasy-of-manners -my ignorance, not yours) Goblin Moon. It had a modest success at the time, and gained an enthusiastic following over the next two decades. If the world was not quite ready for Goblin Moon when it first appeared, the world eventually learned its mistake — to the benefit of the used-book stores if not to myself. (To me this is doing down the product you are pushing in this article - It might be true, but you're not doing yourself any favours) Meanwhile, Following its publication I wrote a series of short stories and began work on my next novel "The Rune of the Unmaking" a return to my love of epic fantasy, which was published in 2004 I was writing other novels, as well as a handful (handful sounds 'not really committed') of short stories. In 2004, I returned to epic fantasy with the first book in a new series, The Rune of Unmaking, published under the pseudonym Madeline Howard.

Growing tired of the pressure of deadlines, and of the struggle to maintain my creative integrity while still meeting the expectations of my publishers (they had already paid me to write the books, and one can hardly blame them if they wanted me to do so), I decided that traditional publishing no longer suited me. As a result, I’m now engaged in self-publishing my backlist. Soon I will begin work on my new series and titles. with plans to eventually release new books and new stories in the same way. This new phase of my career begins with the re-release of Goblin Moon.

OK now it gets personal but there is little detail

Thanks to the collapsing economy (people don't need to be reminded), my husband and I now share our home with three of our adult children, a son-in-law, twin grandsons, and the obligatory pets — for what fantasy writer doesn’t have pets? The house is full but we all seem to get along with each other surprisingly well ... though the books are beginning to feel crowded and are muttering threats of rebellion. (More detail required - I still don't feel I 'know' your situation. Do you have sons or daughters. Husbands first name - why not, we need to know you're happy. How big is the farm, ranch, house, shed? Why not have information/anecdotes about all the pets. and their names. Tilly the cat that insists on helping you write and Woofy the dog that barks too loudly at next door's chickens - or whatever. These are the things people will relate to)


And after that I'll add my bibliography. Now that I've padded it with the articles I posted on the front page here, it looks pretty impressive.

Description of GM will come after. But you've already seen all that — unless you've been very determined and clever at avoiding it, in which case why spoil a perfect record now?

Here's the photograph of me that goes with it. I'm not sure whether to put that at the beginning, or somewhere part way through the bio. Click the thumbnail and you'll get a better idea of it's size.

I'm sorry to say this, but that photo is dreadful. It makes you look miserable (Trust me, I know about these things). This needs a smiling happy image, not someone hiding in the shadows, and in colour not Mono.

Hope I helped

TEiN

(Cowering in fear)

[Teresa Edgerton]

Sorry, TEIN. I was posting the revision while you were posting, too.

I believe I began telling stories as soon as I learned to talk. (unlikely - it sounds too far fetched - which to me is not a good convincer)

True, nevertheless, and true for a number of the writers I know. True for my my grandson Ethan as soon as he could speak coherently — and possibly before that, if we had only understood him.

I don't think you clicked on the thumbnail of the picture of me, or there is something the matter with your browser, because the picture is not in mono at all.

As you can see, I do mention alchemy in the press release. I cut out all that bit about the Green Lion books because people seemed to think I should, and cut out a lot of the things you felt were not expressed well, so I guess you could say I fixed them.
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.
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[Teresa Edgerton]

Oh, and Gary, I got so busy responding to the other posts, I inexcusably forgot to thank you. I will check out your sites.

[TheDustyZebra]

A few thoughts:

Originally Posted by Teresa Edgerton

OK, here is a new version:

I believe (Legend has it? My mother always said?)I began telling stories as soon as I learned to talk.

As a child, I was a voracious reader with interests that were always changing as one book or series after another caught my imagination. But I was happiest reading tales of the fantastic and marvelous. Then and afterwards these were the stories that influenced my writing. However, it wasn’t until I discovered the works of J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis that my true love affair with fantasy began. The Lord of the Rings was a mind-altering (I agree about the LSD, maybe life-changing) experience from which I have never recovered.

Six years later, my decision to be a stay-at-home mother left me (I still don't like this even with dashes instead of ellipses; it's the "left me" part that isn't working, perhaps "I made the decision to be a stay-at-home mother, leaving me --") — if not with much time on my hands — at least in easy reach of a typewriter. Although I loved writing for its own sake, we were living paycheck-to-paycheck barely above the poverty line, and writing seemed like a possible way out, while still allowing me to remain home with the children. In the end this proved to be true, though I never imagined it would take me seven years to write my first book. Ignorance can be a blessing.

After that first epic fantasy, my interests led me in a new direction, to write the proto-steampunk/fantasy-of-manners, Goblin Moon. It had a modest success at the time, and gained an enthusiastic following over the next two decades — to the benefit of the used-book stores if not to myself. Meanwhile, I continued writing.

Increasingly the pressure of deadlines made it difficult to maintain my creative integrity while still meeting the expectations of my publishers (they had already paid me to write the books, and one can hardly blame them if they wanted me to do so), (this still makes it sound like you just couldn't take the heat and ditched them) I decided that traditional publishing no longer suited me.(I decided that I was better suited to self-publishing.) I’m now engaged in self-publishing my backlist, with plans to eventually release new books and new stories in the same way. This new phase of my career begins with the re-release of Goblin Moon.

As with so many other families, the collapse of the economy brought our own full-circle. My husband and I now share our home with three adult children, a son-in-law, twin grandsons, and the obligatory pets — what fantasy writer doesn’t have pets? The house is full (something is wrong here, two sentences combined?)everyone have accepted the situation cheerfully ... though the books are beginning to feel crowded and are muttering threats of rebellion.

[TheEndIsNigh]

Teresa:

I believe I began telling stories as soon as I learned to talk. (I'm with TDZ. it might be true, but it creates a barrier between the you and the reader.)

As a child, I was a voracious reader with interests that were always changing as one book or series after another caught my imagination. But I was happiest reading tales of the fantastic and marvelous. Then and afterwards these were the stories that influenced my writing. However, it wasn’t until I discovered the works of J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis that my true love affair with fantasy began. The Lord of the Rings was a mind-altering (the thing about mind altering bit is, that in the sixties and seventies - when I read it and it gained it's greatest popularity IMO - that's what people were doing. and I suspect a few others were too. Really it changed your life - look what you've become -not your mind) experience from which I have never recovered.

This is a bio, why not include details of the birth of your children and then put something positive in.


I believe children need their mother. Its a personal view, but my decision resulted in me being able, in those precious moments of relaxation, to let my mind wander over the the possibility of writing of a novel as a part time career




Six years later, my decision to be a stay-at-home mother left me — if not with much time on my hands — at least in easy reach of a typewriter. Although I loved writing for its own sake, we were living paycheck-paycheck barely above the poverty line, (It reminds people that times are tough, should they really be spending money on a book off the Internet) and writing seemed like a possible way out, while still allowing me to remain home with the children. (whereas this doesn't come across as positive - it sounds like a last hope) In the end this proved to be true, though I never imagined it would take me seven years to write my first book. Ignorance can be a blessing.

After that first epic fantasy, my interests led me in a new direction, to write the proto-steampunk/fantasy-of-manners, Goblin Moon. It had a modest success at the time, and gained an enthusiastic following over the next two decades — to the benefit of the used-book stores if not to myself. Meanwhile, I continued writing.

Increasingly the pressure of deadlines made it difficult to maintain my creative integrity while still meeting the expectations of my publishers (they had already paid me to write the books, and one can hardly blame them if they wanted me to do so), (I agree with TDZ) I decided that traditional publishing no longer suited me. I’m now engaged in self-publishing my backlist, with plans to eventually release new books and new stories in the same way. This new phase of my career begins with the re-release of Goblin Moon.

As with so many other families, the collapse of the economy brought our own full-circle. My husband and I now share our home with three adult children, a son-in-law, twin grandsons, and the obligatory pets — what fantasy writer doesn’t have pets? The house is full everyone have accepted the situation cheerfully ... though the books are beginning to feel crowded and are muttering threats of rebellion (nice touch about the books, However bring them into the story earlier. As before I still don't feel I know much about you. I'm not in there with you. To me this sounds more like a CV than a blog. In other words I'm getting the impression you are trying to be distant - which is fine and I can understand where you are coming from -, but not what a reader, expecting to see some personal stuff, wants to read.)

OK, I do see the photo isn't monochrome, but it may as well be. It's still dreadful and dreary.

Hope I helped

TEiN

(returning his to cowering and grovelling position in the corner)

[Teresa Edgerton]

Yes, you are helping.

But I would like to point out:

I believe children need their mother

is not true. I believed my children needed their mother. I still don't know if that was the right decision, so I'm not going to say anything that sounds like I am judging other women's choices.

why not include details of the birth of your children

Now, honestly. You're a man; do you really want details of the birth of my children? The screaming. The water breaking, the ... I thought not.

[HareBrain]

Just a thought about the Tarot-reading that was raised on the previous page. I still think it might be worth including. I've come across a couple of author biogs where it was claimed that the author was a practising magician or some other kind of occultist, and it's always grabbed my attention. And I think quite a lot of readers -- perhaps younger readers especially -- might be more interested in your books if they thought you had some practical knowledge of the magic you might be writing about, and that you might therefore spill the Secrets of the Universe within the pages. Just mentioning the Tarot-reading might give this kind of impression without making any claims. Plus it's colourful, even if it didn't directly or recognisably influence your writing.

[Hex]

"paycheck-paycheck barely above the poverty line" -- I wondered if you needed both of these? Paycheck to paycheck implied poverty to me.

ps: My older son, like Teresa and Ethan, started telling stories as soon as he could talk. I don't think it's usual but it happens.

[Teresa Edgerton]

I think when parents tell stories to their children in addition to reading to them (my mother did both with me), then it never occurs to the child not to start telling stories back as soon as her or she can get the words out.

Mind you, I don't claim to have had a good grasp of plot and character back then. That must have taken months more to develop.

I've removed the part about being just above the poverty line. It occurs to me that might bring up the question of why I didn't go out and get an honest job instead of staying home with the kids. I mean, yes, that's where TEIN's line would come in, but I think it would sound a bit self-righteous.

My cousin Kim always says "there is no more important job than raising Human beings."