The Life-Hutch Hidden in the Void

[HoopyFrood]

*pant, pant* Tonight is not my ruddy night!

*skids to a halt*

*fashions an attractive female hunter demon-type out of sticks of dynamite and fancy clothing*

*puts on a girlish voice* Oh, yoo-hoo, handsome demon man!

*runs away*

[No One]

*Evil Elmer is besotten and blows her a kiss.*

*The female hunter demon-type of sticks of dynamite and fancy clothing comes to life and chases after Hoopy.*

[HoopyFrood]

Damnit, this is not supposed to happen! Bugs always wins!

And Hoopy does too. Mostly. Er...

*trips over in the dark* gah...

*hears a sissing of fuses. Proceeds to lick fingertips and pinch out fuses at maniac speed*

[No One]

*As she extinguishes the last fuse, a net descends and Elmer scoops her up.*

*He soon has her tied to a nice spinning stick over a nice toasty fire.*

[HoopyFrood]

Hey, hey, I have an allergy to being roasted alive!

I hope you have a license for this, I am a boiling rabbit, not a roasting rabbit.



This is most demeaning.



*wobbles and bounces...and hup! Topples off, stick 'n all and onto the floor*

*does a woody-woodpecker laugh and bounces away on the tip of the stick, still tied to it*

[No One]

*As Hoopy is bouncing along, the bottom of the stick becomes inexplicably stuck in the void. Impossibly so, in fact.*

Don't worry about Elmer. He's taking a nap. Enjoy your night Hoopy...

[HoopyFrood]

*judders to an abrupt halt* yerk...

*tug, tug* aw, man...

Well, after all of tonight's shenanigans, I think I deserve a ruddy rest.

*head droops...starts snoring*

[j. d. worthington]

*a misty portal appears in the room, and the shadow slips quietly in, taking up a position behind the sleeping Hoopy Rabbit and watching her for a few moments, finally quietly murmuring*Sleep well, little rabbit, sleep well... and dream.... *chuckling, the shadow sweeps across the room to a darkened corner, before shrinking to near-invisibility*

[HoopyFrood]

*wakes up with a snort* Damn. Here's me hoping it was all just a horrible dream.

Although I did dream of a leopard print cat biting my face. And recreating the film of Sister Act...

*pops arms out and pushes down the rope like a dress. Steps over it as it pools at her feet*

*looks around* Well! No verbose shadow. No demonic Elmer Fudd. Day's off to a good start!


*wanders on merrily* I'm looking over a three leaf clover, that I overlooked be-three...

[j. d. worthington]

*behind her there is the sound of soft, padding paws....*

[HoopyFrood]

*pauses*

*whiskers twitch*

*sag* Oh, me and my everlasting mouth...

[j. d. worthington]

*the shadow swells from its compressed overnight position and floats along the wall until it is beside Hoopy Bunny*

Ever hear a leopard purr, rabbit? It doesn't always mean they're happy. Sometimes, just like their smaller relatives, it just means they're seeking comfort... or even feeling particularly twitchy... watch out for those claws...

*pauses*

Oh, that's right. This particular "leopard print cat" is invisible, isn't it? But those claws and teeth are, I fear, very real....

*quietly chuckles as it goes back to the darkened corner and settles in to watch the fun*

[HoopyFrood]

Gee, you're real nice, you are. I bet you're a hoot at parties.

*shakes head* I don't get it. I've done nothing wrong. I don't understand all this antipathy against me. I am a simple rabbit with simple tastes. As long as there's a carrot for every meal, I'm set. Maybe a holiday to somewhere warm now and then, as long as I remember to take the correct left turns. OK, I've had my fights -- coyote geniuses, ducks, hunters, tiny men whose faces are 98% hair -- but it's only because they all have the singular desire of killing me off. And I'm sure, even a shadowy fiend like yourself can understand my aversion to that. And even then I don't get mad. You know? I just...deter them. Make them see the error of their ways.

I mean, thinking over it all, I should be a state by now. Should have a real complex. All these attempts on my poor life! A rabbit shouldn't have to put up with it. But you know, I carry on best I can, try to stay upbeat and positive. Might as well, nobody gets out alive at the end of it all!

So come on, bub, what's the real deal here? Did you not get the attention you wanted from your dad? Did he move to Peru and get run over by an elevator? What a tragedy, really plucks the heartstrings, that. Your mother make you wear hats and a brightly covered rain coat when you just wanted nothing more than to be brooding and shadowy? Aw, did the other shadow kids pick on you? Kids are mean, ain't they. I feel for ya, I truly do. Is that why you hang around in dark corners now? Don't be shy! Stop all this projecting of repressed issues onto poor rabbits and step out with a big ol' smile on your swirly face! Say hello world!

[j. d. worthington]

*plucks out a shadow-violin and plays a lugubrious version of "Hearts and Flowers", then grins*

Nice try, rabbit. Run out of Acme 16,000 weights, have you? Oh, wait... they wouldn't really work under the circumstances, would they? Oh, dear, poor bunny....

*grin grows wider*

[HoopyFrood]

*shrugs* Wasn't trying anything, doc, just looking to get to the bottom of your obvious issues! Looking to help. One of my generous impulses. But I see...typical avoidance behaviour. All very interesting...