Improving our 75 Word Stories -- READ FIRST POST

[springs]

Hmm, it's an interesting one, about the genre, and this was a hard genre to get in. So, I'll ask if mine came across as science fantasy ie was there enough of the fantasy element, or did it just seem sci fi-ey? I did wonder at the time....


A jasmine, black as space - from Jupiter, where she danced the night with Dad.

A blue delphinium; for earth, for her boldness, for her exploration through space.

A Martian sand-drop for love; red, rust-red.

A white venus-flower for my birth; a yellow Saturn-bell for yours.

We lay her galaxy of flowers, and release her body into space; free-spinning flowers the pattern of our mother’s life.

[mosaix]

Originally Posted by TheEndIsNigh

Regarding the entries this month. IMO very few attempted to satisfy the brief. This is something I've noticed is becoming more prevalent in recent months. I realise that the votes cast could and should be influenced by the adherence to the subject and theme but, is that what people actually do, or do they just vote for what they think is the best story?

I have to agree with you here, TEIN. To a certain extent I think one of the reasons for this is that the themes have tended to become less specific and more open to interpretation than in the early days and the genres, for me anyway, more obscure.

I'm not saying I always succeed in satisfying the brief myself, but I do try and think I'm slowly improving in areas that have been foreign to me in the past.

As for voting, I always try to read the entries in a single sitting and start out convinced that the theme and genre will be a major influence on me then, about an hour later, I'm on the point of voting and suddenly remember that I've forgotten them all together! I think I get carried away with the quality of the writing.

Maybe the importance of the theme and genre needs to be re-emphasised but it's there in big letters at the start of each challenge so it difficult to see how this could be done.

[Hex]

I really fell down on this one on magical realism -- my edits lost the genre-specific bits.

I think science fantasy was really tough to judge because it's used to describe so many things (science fiction with a fantasy element, science fiction that hard science fiction people don't feel is sciencey enough...) -- it was fun though.

Presumably if voters are the people who judge the challenges there's no way past it -- for some people genre is more important than for others, and people will understand genre in different ways. It's that or make it part of the rules, with disqualification in the same way as entries that don't meet the guidelines. But I don't think that's a good (or realistic) idea.

[mosaix]

Originally Posted by Hex

It's that or make it part of the rules, with disqualification in the same way as entries that don't meet the guidelines. But I don't think that's a good (or realistic) idea.

This has occurred to me as well, Hex. But I think we'd be getting more into the field of a competition rather than a challenge so I agree that it wouldn't be a good idea.

[The Judge]

It's not at all feasible for us to disqualify on grounds of theme and genre not least because it can be very much in the eye of the beholder. It's unpleasant enough having to remove pieces for going over word count -- that's usually clear cut but can still cause upset and possibly resentment. Anything more subjective would open a real can of worms and potentially destroy the mood of the Challenges. Besides, having to approve every story would eat into our biscuit-eating time in the Mods' Staff Room.

I think it is an idea for us to remind everyone about the importance of theme and genre when it comes to voting, though, and we'll try and remember to do that when the polls open -- though experience tells us that not everyone reads what we post...


springs, your piece was lovely, but for me it wasn't space fantasy enough. I was also in two minds whether it told enough of a story, though that was less of a consideration -- although the flowers might have been in chronological order (ie meeting man, exploring space, realising loves man, has children) I think it would have strengthened it immeasurably if it had been clearer. On nit-picky points I didn't like the "yours" because why is the narrator saying this to his/her sibling? Also, I couldn't get the last line to make sense and I wasn't sure if a word was missing -- are they laying her in the flowers before launching her? Or are they laying them down somewhere? Or perhaps a different verb is needed? The repetition of "flowers" in that line might have been best avoided eg by using "petals" or something. And for the middle lines I'd have used either colons or a dash like the first line, not semi-colons.

[Tisiphone]

Wow - very much appreciate the feedback guys. Thanks for taking the time to review the piece.

It was difficult to build the genre in to the piece and therein lies the challenge. Easy to get waylaid when you think you have a story to tell but I will bear that in mind for the current challenge.

Maybe I was trying to achieve too much, to tell the story and deliberately not mentioning any colour but trying to let ones mind conjour them up with words (and being too cliche in the process) and yes I realise that the link was tenuous.

The quality of the writing is very high within the competitions - I just hope that over the coming months I can improve.

[choccoweeble]

There were a number of stories I liked this month that didn't capture the theme enough, but it was very tricky to get it in there in 75 words - I think the science fantasy element in my own was a little subtle. I'd be interested to know people's thoughts.

Saved

My toe traced elaborate patterns in the parched earth.


“Tlaloc to Gunga Din, Over”


“Receiving, Over”


“Operational in one minute. Ensure the collection devices are in place, Over and Out”


Streams of ethereal energies poured from the device tethered high in the atmosphere.


Agonising moments staring at a hazy sky.


Then, it gradually faded into view.


Red. Orange. Yellow. Green. Blue. Indigo. Violet.


It worked.


A single tear hit my shoe milliseconds before the torrent.

[Teresa Edgerton]

Originally Posted by The Judge

I think it is an idea for us to remind everyone about the importance of theme and genre when it comes to voting, though, and we'll try and remember to do that when the polls open -- though experience tells us that not everyone reads what we post...

Maybe we can post the theme and genre in the first post of the voting thread. Not that everyone will pay attention even then, but it might make a little difference.

[Mouse]

choccoweeble, I didn't understand yours at all. But, I don't ever understand that many of the entries.

Regarding voting - I always take into consideration theme and genre. But last month I had no idea what the flipping heck 'science fantasy' was, so I just voted for the story I liked the best.

[Arkose]

Here I ago again. I tried simplifying what I was saying to get the grammar under control.

Reviewing my story again, I have no idea why I interrupted at "alg," and not just finish it off with "algae." I also wouldn't have used preceptor.

Magical Effects on Water Quality

With both hands, I lowered my staff and sent a pulse of red magic into the water. The lake flashed a purple hue, and I could see dead fish starting to litter the surface.

“What the hell?” I wondered, my nose catching a whiff of rotten eggs.

Mr. Nally, my preceptor, yanked the staff away.

“But the alg..”

“You idiot,” Mr. Nally interrupted, “blue-green algae absorbs red magic; increasing toxicity, not killing it.”



Choco: I agree with Mouse.
Springs: I liked it, but I didn't get your use of the science part of the theme.

[springs]

@TJ; now I need a story; eek , and the semi colons didn't quite work (plus there was a badly placed comma in the last line you generously didn't mention) Petals would have been tons better in place of the last flower.. @arkose, yep, I thought the theme got a little lost, or rather was a bit subtle...

with the Alg, I thought it should end with a - to show interruption.

Chocco, I read it as a sort of rain making machine, but didn't get the sci-fantasy angle Sorry.

[Hex]

Originally Posted by Mouse

Regarding voting - I always take into consideration theme and genre. But last month I had no idea what the flipping heck 'science fantasy' was, so I just voted for the story I liked the best.

You made an excellent decision, Mouse.

choccoweeble -- afraid I didn't really understand. I thought it was a rainbow-making machine and the maker was crying (but now I see springs' interpretation that makes a lot more sense).

[StilLearning]

Originally Posted by The Judge

StilLearning -- I've no real comments about your piece from the other month, save that it reminded me forcibly of my 300 worder from last year! A good workmanlike story, but for me it didn't have the spark to push it into my shortlist when there were so many others of quality.

Thanks TJ. That's high praise, considering that it was the first piece of fiction I've ever written with the intent of someone else seeing it! 'Spark', or at least a reasonable facsimile of it, will come with practice I hope.

BTW, I'd like to state for the record that this months entry was in no way aimed at you!

[StilLearning]

I tell a lie: I had posted a short story before, in a different part of the forum. So it was my 2nd attempt.

[Alex, The G and T]

Pass The Time


"What can we play besides chess, HAL?"

"Eat this Monolith, Dave"

"It's too tiny, between my fingers, to seem a 'Monolith', HAL"

"Yet, it's a magic window into an alternate universe, Dave."

***

"Open the Doors of Perception please, HAL"

"I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid that I can't do that. You must wait for about an hour."

***

"I'm beginning to feel like I'm falling, HAL"

"Have a nice trip, Dave."

"The Stars! All those pretty colors...."