Science Fiction Fantasy  
Go Back   Science Fiction Fantasy Chronicles: forums > Books and Writing > Aspiring Writers > Workshop

Workshop Writers workshop: challenge yourself and your imagination here.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread
Old 6th July 2011, 06:47 PM   #76 (permalink)
Never Sure
 
RJM Corbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 1,780
Blog Entries: 12
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

I hope she kicks him in the ...
RJM Corbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2011, 11:44 PM   #77 (permalink)
Never Sure
 
RJM Corbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 1,780
Blog Entries: 12
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

The saloon doors burst open. The man who entered was big enough to block the sunlight from outside.

"It's my husband." Lucille's red fingernails bit into my arm.

For a minute I knew I was dead.

But he was weeping.

"You picked a fine time to leave me," he said.
RJM Corbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th July 2011, 04:26 PM   #78 (permalink)
Slowly Freaking Out
 
monsterchic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 342
Blog Entries: 17
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

As I sat tied in the small wooden chair, he advanced toward me.
"Stay away from me," I spat in the iciest voice i could manage.
"No."
It was then that I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die at this man's hand, but not without a fight...


(For more, go to my blog... I'm working on it)
monsterchic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th July 2011, 05:34 PM   #79 (permalink)
Never Sure
 
RJM Corbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 1,780
Blog Entries: 12
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by monsterchic View Post
... (For more, go to my blog... I'm working on it)
Doesn't sound like it would appeal to me, if it's more of the same?

Last edited by RJM Corbet; 7th July 2011 at 05:44 PM.
RJM Corbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2011, 04:09 PM   #80 (permalink)
Slowly Freaking Out
 
monsterchic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 342
Blog Entries: 17
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by RJM Corbet View Post
Doesn't sound like it would appeal to me, if it's more of the same?
Well, I don't know your tastes exactly, but if you have any suggestions for me I would appreciate them.
monsterchic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2011, 04:28 PM   #81 (permalink)
Never Sure
 
RJM Corbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 1,780
Blog Entries: 12
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by monsterchic View Post
Well, I don't know your tastes exactly, but if you have any suggestions for me I would appreciate them.
I'm just not personally into that type of horror. Some people are. The Texas Chainsaw sort of stuff. Brrrr ...
RJM Corbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th July 2011, 05:02 PM   #82 (permalink)
Slowly Freaking Out
 
monsterchic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 342
Blog Entries: 17
Smile Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by RJM Corbet View Post
I'm just not personally into that type of horror. Some people are. The Texas Chainsaw sort of stuff. Brrrr ...

I'm not either, but for some reason, I enjoy reading and writing about it... just can't watch it in movies.
monsterchic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2011, 10:59 AM   #83 (permalink)
Universe Builder
 
Flugel Meister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 125
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

I woke to the sound of shuffling. It was a disjointed but constant sound that quietly echoed its way through the house, accompanied by the occasional moan, grunt or laboured breath. Oh no. Someone’s in the house.
Flugel Meister is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2011, 07:58 AM   #84 (permalink)
Accident-prone, allegedly
 
Abernovo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Gloucestershire
Posts: 2,340
Blog Entries: 2
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

My two efforts:

With only moonlight to guide him, Andrew Carter walked into his father's study for the first time since his death, careful not to disturb the crime scene tape across the door. Police were still guarding the house. Taking what he had came for, he left, unseen, via the neighbour's garden.


The young Lieutenant took a deep breath before stepping onto the starship bridge. She had stood in similar positions before but never as a ship's captain. The Sprite was not a large vessel, being only a scout, but tasked with forward intelligence gathering, she was vital to the fleet's safety.
Abernovo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2011, 01:15 AM   #85 (permalink)
The Bloody Scribbler
 
Grizzgreen711's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 359
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

I waited, my knuckles pale and shaking with terror. Outside, I could hear the claws, the growling, and the agonizing screams for mercy. Blood began to trickle down through the cracks in the door, over its rusty handle. The door rocked wildly in place, and again. Then, the entire door gave way...
Grizzgreen711 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2011, 11:13 AM   #86 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
AnyaKimlin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Moray
Posts: 3,043
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

@Flugeil Meister.
Quote:
I woke to the sound of shuffling. It was a disjointed but constant sound that quietly echoed its way through the house, accompanied by the occasional moan, grunt or laboured breath. Oh no. Someone’s in the house

This could work well for a children's book. For an older audience personally I would rearrange it a tad: Don't wake up instead just hear the sound - you can get out of bed in the next paragraph, and personally I find Oh. no Somone's in the house a little weak - Someone's in my house would be a tad better - but something along the lines of Who the hell is that? or picking up a heavy object would bring more tension in for me.

@Abernovo
Quote:
With only moonlight to guide him, Andrew Carter walked into his father's study for the first time since his death, careful not to disturb the crime scene tape across the door. Police were still guarding the house. Taking what he had came for, he left, unseen, via the neighbour's garden.
This is my kind of story you have me hooked - it's a good introduction to the character as well. Only thing is I would (and I know you only had fifty words) like to see it expanded it a tad, add more about how he sneaked past, have him see the policeman etc


Quote:
The young Lieutenant took a deep breath before stepping onto the starship bridge. She had stood in similar positions before but never as a ship's captain. The Sprite was not a large vessel, being only a scout, but tasked with forward intelligence gathering, she was vital to the fleet's safety.
This one personally has too much information in it you could take longer to tell this instead of fitting a whole story into the fifty words. Like this it is interesting but confusing - why is she in the captain's place when she is a Lieutenant. One solution to that is not refer to her rank until later.

@grizgreen
Quote:
I waited, my knuckles pale and shaking with terror. Outside, I could hear the claws, the growling, and the agonizing screams for mercy. Blood began to trickle down through the cracks in the door, over its rusty handle. The door rocked wildly in place, and again. Then, the entire door gave way...
Nice tension but my question is who is where?
AnyaKimlin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2011, 11:28 AM   #87 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
AnyaKimlin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Moray
Posts: 3,043
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

'Quick, I think someone is coming.' The first voice says.
'Crap! Better get dressed. We can say we are having a meeting.' A second voice whispers loudly.
'Yeah, because headteacher's hold all their meetings in cleaning cupboards.'
The janitor sniggers as he turns the handle, and opens the door.
AnyaKimlin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2011, 03:12 PM   #88 (permalink)
Universe Builder
 
Flugel Meister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 125
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

Try this one.

Being stabbed forty-seven times had felt like hell to Jenny. She was surprised she was still alive and able to move, that she could still draw breath and see as clearly as before. That was the worst part – seeing that sickening, gleeful and twisted face. But she wasn’t dying. She was changing.

Slightly over at 51 words.
Flugel Meister is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th June 2012, 02:17 AM   #89 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand (Aotearoa)
Posts: 40
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

"There's someone coming," Polly said quietly.
"Finally," Patricia said, "someone shows up..."
The hallway door to the kitchen was pushed open. In the door stood a small, stocky woman with waist length, jet black hair. Only waist high to Patricia, but adult. Her hand dropped to her knife.
"And you are...?"
silvermoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th August 2012, 11:09 PM   #90 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
kshRox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 322
Re: [Workshop] Engage me quickly!

The air turned solid creating a barrier between myself and the door. C’mon ol’ man, there’s only family behind it I thought to myself, not like some bugger with a gun waiting to blow me head off. Even so, it took conscious effort to lift my hand to the handle.
kshRox is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:07 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.