|13th September 2010, 08:53 PM||#16 (permalink)|
Mad Mountain Man
Join Date: Jun 2010
Blog Entries: 29
Re: SF/Alt-Earth piece, circa 800 words.
A lot of points already made so I'll just add a couple of my own. I liked it and had no trouble with understanding what was happening. I actually quite liked the head hopping as I thought all along it was all from Mikki's POV just depending on which character he was focused on.
The language was bit too descriptive for my taste if that's the right way to put it there seemed to be too many adjectives, similes and metaphors. Especially in the opening para. But that's probably just my personal preference (too much time spent reading technical books).
I agree with PC about the two handed grip on the pistol. Having handled pistols myself, a two handed grip is generally only used when trying to achieve accuracy and it is not a particularly comfortable way to hold a gun. It is unnecessary as far as recoil is concerned even with a big powerful hand gun. Certainly someone experienced in their use would not hold it like that in this situation.
I wasn't comfortable about blowing the girl away just like that. It seems to me that even if she didn't know the whereabouts of Ahmedi they would have still wanted to get more background information from her. The guy might have marched off leaving her to other more junior interrogators. Although I did get that he is a bit of a sadist and enjoyed killing her.
Last edited by Vertigo; 13th September 2010 at 08:55 PM. Reason: typos
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