SF segment 1k

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Okay, the major thing I noticed about this was the use of the word "said" far too often. It made the entire excerpt seem flat.


There are synonyms that one can and should use instead of just "he said, she said". Words like "replied, told, recounted, ordered, demanded, exclaimed..." Even "squeaked" can work when fear takes over. It's just that "said" relays no emotion and as such I keep picturing each character as unfeeling robot drones with poker faces. I hate to admit that, but that's what I see.


I wasn't able to read through this all the way for that reason, I am sorry to say.