|11th September 2010, 07:40 AM||#16 (permalink)|
At the end of reality
Join Date: Dec 2007
Blog Entries: 23
Re: SF segment 1k
Okay, the major thing I noticed about this was the use of the word "said" far too often. It made the entire excerpt seem flat.
There are synonyms that one can and should use instead of just "he said, she said". Words like "replied, told, recounted, ordered, demanded, exclaimed..." Even "squeaked" can work when fear takes over. It's just that "said" relays no emotion and as such I keep picturing each character as unfeeling robot drones with poker faces. I hate to admit that, but that's what I see.
I wasn't able to read through this all the way for that reason, I am sorry to say.
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