Discussing the Writing Challenges -- November and December 2010

[Teresa Edgerton]

A new thread to replace the two threads of comments we had before.

This is the place to discuss the stories we liked in April and May -- to guess what they meant -- to ask any questions -- to explain what others missed in our own stories now that the voting is over.

This is the place to discuss ideas for improving the format for future Challenges (or leaving it alone).

This is also the place where we can post those stories we wrote and decided not to enter ... because we thought of something better, because somebody got the jump on our idea, because we couldn't make the story work, or for any other reason.

It may, in time, evolve into a thread where we discuss the stories we like in the June Challenge. But for now, let's just look back ... and ahead.

[Culhwch]

*waits impatiently for the June challenge to start.*

Actually, not that impatiently. I'm a fairly patient guy. Though I'd still like these challenges to be shorter. Just saying, is all.

It strikes me that these challenges are about the only thing I'm writing at the moment, and, indeed, the only pair of stories I have completed since I finished university. And that was a loooooong time ago. If only we had a 120 000 word challenge, I might finish a novel (though I'd suggest the timeframe for that one be more yearly than monthly...).

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Originally Posted by Culhwch

(though I'd suggest the timeframe for that one be more yearly than monthly...).

Now where would the challenge be in THAT, Cully?

[Teresa Edgerton]

So, since somebody suggested in May* that it might be nice if we had a place to post the stories we did not submit, this will be that thread (along with all its other manifold uses) although I think it is best than we only share stories we wrote and decided not to post for previous Challenges, not the one that is open at the particular time we are sharing them here. It will be less confusing that way.

Therefore, to encourage those who are shy about posting the stories we deemed not quite good enough, or too much like somebody else's (I believe The Judge has a mirror story she didn't post in April), I'll begin.

This was the May story I didn't submit, because it didn't say all of the things that I wanted it to say, and after manipulating it for two or three days I decided to give up:

THOU SHALT NOT SUFFER ...

“Drown the witch!”
Marri fought, but hard hands pushed her over the edge. No! I have a husband, babies.
She fell -- through fathoms of crystal water, through curtains of emerald light.
Mermaid voices sang in the deep.
Then -- overhead, a sound of oars.
Bran, she thought, coming to save me.
But memories of her life on land floated away. Her heart turned as cold as the sea.
Yes, she answered the voices. Yes.



It was just too ambiguous on too many points that I wanted to make perfectly clear.




*Which, in fact, it still is here in the US as I write this. Technically, when Karn and I post here during the next few hours under the pretense that we did not say these things in May ... we are lying. Just so that you know.

[Culhwch]

Oh, but I do like that. There's something to be said for being a little ambiguous, especially with so few words to play around with. I think that's where I run into trouble - I'm such a straight-forward, tell it as it is kind of writer, I have difficulty layering in any depth of meaning like some of the others here do so wonderfully...

[The Procrastinator]

Well Teresa I have to say I prefer that one to the one you posted (as good as that was) and may well have voted for it! I, too, like ambiguity. Ambiguity makes the story stay with you, makes you think. Beautiful.

Aaaand congratulations Sephiroth! A well deserved win and a beautiful piece of writing!

[Parson]

Congrats Seph! Your poem also reminded me a bit of Keats. Mouse, I voted for you. I thought that was a devastating story. Disney should have done it that way!! Some of us would love to be a bridesmaid even once!

[Teresa Edgerton]

I thought Mouse's story was a little gem. But Seph's poem amazed me, that he could write something that gorgeous in so little time, and the last line haunted me all through the month.

After April, I didn't think the quality of the stories could go any higher, but May proved me wrong.

[J Riff]

Yea, that's a good one. She dies but becomes a mermaid which could be an improvement. Very positive for a story about a drowning person !
You wooda won easy with this one. )

[Teresa Edgerton]

Actually, she was always a mermaid, which I could never quite find a way to work into it to my satisfaction, no matter how many times I rewrote it.

The first several times I read Talysia's story I clearly pictured a little winged person escaping from her cocoon. It took several readings to realize that it was probably to be taken literally and was about a butterfly. Either way, it was one of my favorites.

With the stories by mosaix and The Procrastinator, I was never sure whether their stories were set in prisons or mental institutions. I did like the ambiguity, however, and both of those stories were on my short list.

[TheEndIsNigh]

I agree with you Teresa - Too ambiguous.

Somehow the

'Her heart turned as cold as the sea'


in my mind had her written of as fish food so the last line made it sound like a willing victim in some macabre way.


Note

This may be because I had a dream once of a very similar nature but Mrs. Tein has banned me from mentioning the details on pain of divorce
because she refuses to pay the sanatorium's fees.

[ValerieJLong]

@Teresa: Quite capturing, but yes, the end is not entirely clear. Seems I've missed some things.

Originally Posted by Culhwch

If only we had a 120 000 word challenge, I might finish a novel

You could look forward to NaNoWriMo - 50k in one month?

[Talysia]

Congratulations, Seph - a deserved victory in a very tight race. Thanks to everyone who had my story as part of their top 5, too, and to Mosaix for the vote. It means a lot.

The entries for May were all really good, and there were quite a few on my shortlist, right up to the end. I think my biggest problem is that each story had something, even something small, that appealed to the reader in me.

On to my thoughts on my own entry. With Breaking Free, I wanted to portray a different kind of escape; a birth, or a hatching, in this case. When I was writing it, I had a dragon emerging from her egg in mind, but the more I looked at it, the more I realised that it could easily apply to most winged creatures, fantasy or otherwise, so I left it a little ambiguous. I must say that I like Teresa's interpretation of a butterfly better than my original concept, though!

[The Judge]

Just shows how pedestrian my mind is, I thought Talysia's was about a baby chick...

No, Teresa, I didn't realise she was a mermaid either. Perhaps if the last lines had an idea of returning or coming home? I thought she'd died (her heart turning to stone) and she welcomed death when she realised her husband hadn't come to save her. Strange, isn't it, how we can interpret something so short in so many ways. Incidentally, I'm astonished again at how rich your piece feels.

While we're (again) confessing things we didn't understand, who was the tempter in the piece you did submit? The way he'd tempted her before, but it was a sin, made me think it was the devil -- and she was also a witch on trial for her life -- but I couldn't be sure.

As for my mirror effort, I was half thinking of keeping it in case I could shoe horn it into another contest, but that's probably unlikely to happen so:

Mirror Image

A land behind the mirror. Images of green and gold in a room of dark and pain. She stretched fingers to the image, pushing through a barrier of light. Hand, heart followed. Warmth, love beckoned. Hope rose.

A final look at the grey room, at the cold life. She walked forward to the land of hope, of promise.

Slowly, green became grey, gold became pain.

She turned. Trapped.

The mirror smiled.


(Just in case anyone is interested, it's a woman leaving her husband for another man.)


Nearly forgot, congratulations to Sephiroth. Very much deserved -- and I stand by the Keatsian feel to the poem -- and commiserations to Mouse.

[Ursa major]

Yes, Congratulations to Seph!


I was pleased to see this comment from Teresa regrding my official May entry:

I liked the reverse on the story by Poe.

I have to admit, though, that Poe had nothing to do with it (although the word, pendulum, does sometimes remind me - and did so when I was checking my story for errors - of Corman's take on The Pit and the Pendulum, which I haven't seen for decades). I've never read Poe's story** and I doubt Corman's film is an accurate transcription.

I had to write the story in a hurry, given that my original entry was too similar to Quokka's (and with the same play on words, e-scape). With a working title of Was it Deliberate?, I started to write something about an escapement*** (escape "meant" - hence "deliberate"), which is why I risked pulling the reader away from the story with the use of the word, watch.

As I was thinking about the workings of a clock, the word, intriguing, popped into my mind. At the same time, another meaning of that word came to me; from an ill-defined location, the story found itself at a place of execution.

The (rather feeble) twist was simply that the prisoner did not escape, but time did (as it does for all of us, particularly us Chronners).


I can only hope that these posts are shielded from the gaze of psychoanalysists.




** - There's a chance that I may have heard a dramatisation (or a simple reading) of it on the radio, again decades ago.

*** - "Deadbeat" is short for "deadbeat escapement".