Film Title Synopsis Game

[Dave]

The Cube 5 - Rubik's Revenge.

Another nine very same, but very stereotypical people awaken, once again, to find themselves inside a giant cube with thousands of possible rooms. Each person has a skill that becomes clear when they must band together to get out: a brilliant maths genius dwarf, an Eagle Scout master, an excessively rich playboy, an England footballer’s wife, a wheelchair bound former Russian gymnast, a US Navy Seal who is now a ship’s cook, an ex-NYPD cop framed for a murder he didn’t commit, a blind piano tuner, and a Professor of Archaeology.

This time it’s different! (Sort of)

As the Southern Ruislip Avengers Rubik’s Cube Club return for more of the same, there is a whole universe of loose ends to tie up before the credits roll. And before they can exact any revenge are forced to run a gauntlet of puzzles and mind games.



“A twisting homage to all that is dear, dulcet, over-emotional, and eighties-accessorized,” Weekly Star.

“Spectacular for its squareness, austere beauty and heart-stopping urgency,” The Journal.

“The best showcase he's had for his talents in well over a decade, or three,” The Daily Planet.

“This is the one movie that should be among your DVD pile,“ The Globe.

Next Week, don't miss:

28 Years Later

[J Riff]

28 Years Later 2028

No-one knows what happened to the remote village of Bleiceistershire; some say it sank into the marsh, others say looters carried the entire town away. 28 years later Edwin returns to find a Zombie cult running the village, dealing in illegal vampire cats and dogs.
Edwin attempts to tell the outside world what is going on, but instead he spreads the plague unknowingly, until Zombies rule the world. Some people try to become Vampires out of boredom, but the Zombies eat them, and only allow the supernaturally cute vampire cats and dogs to survive. Edwin becomes a zombie and adopts two lovely wirehair bloodsuckers.
Has something for everyone.

Journey to the centre of the Sun

[Starbeast]

JOURNEY to the CENTRE
of the SUN

Release date for this low-budget film is in December, it's about an astronaut played by John Lithgow, who is sent to investigate the changes in our solar system's star. Unfortunately his specially designed space craft wasn't durable enough to withstand the rigors of extreme heat from the sun and the powerful gravitational forces. So thoughout the film we listen to Mr Lithgow ranting and raving about the rising tempertures, and at the end of the movie he screams and roasts inside his ship. Though it's not much of a plot, but it's still fun to watching Mr Lithgow tear apart the inside of his ship and curse the government officials who sent him there in an untested ship.
87 minutes - Rated R

DR WHO: The EVIL of DAVROS

[J Riff]

I don't know much Dr. Who so I'll pass on this one, but congrats to Starbeast for nailing my life with that last brilliant review.

[J Riff]

Oh, all right. This thread is hilarious, I've stuck a bunch of these together and it's pretty funny stuff. Nice relatives who have remembered their birthdays.... Phhhwahahah.*

DR WHO: The EVIL of DAVROS

The evil megalomaniac Davros has invented a new robotic race - the Skelads, and they are unleashed on the Earth, landing in the mid-western USA. The Skaleds run amok, attempting to terrorize the populace- but no-one knows who they are. People keep asking them if they are part of Star Trek or Star Wars but the Skelads keep saying Dr. Who and people think they mean the rock band The Who, and pester them for autographs and request that they play Pinball Wizard.
Finally, the Skaleds fly to Blighty, where everyone is instantly terrified and Davros is installed as the new Emporer of all Europe.
Davros has a new atomic-powered wheelchair, and while test driving, he gives it too much gas and plows into Buckingham Palace at 200 MPH, ending the reign of terror. The Skaleds are dismantled and re-packaged as promotional giveaways at MacDonalds.


Indiana Jones and the Pimple of Peril

[Steffi]

Indiana Jones and the Pimple of Peril

Indiana Jones has a pimple.. and it's spreading. In a nail biting dash across the Amazon jungle he tries to find a cure but he is thwarted by the evil chicken pox....will Indy save the day and stop the spread of the Pimple of Peril?

Not the best film that Stephen Speilberg has made, in fact he denies all knowledge as he was making The Last Crusade at the time and how the hell did Harrison Ford get to be in two places at once is anyone's guess.

Only one star for this one not highly recommended and not a whip in sight...shame.

The Godmother IV

[Dave]

The Godmother IV (2107)

This will be the final Shrek franchise film since Mike Myers has said he is definitely not doing another green Ogre film. "I used to feel I was being typecast as a man in his underpants. I still believe that at any time the no-talent police will come and arrest me."

It's not only in 3D Imax HD, but has both surround-smell © touch-o-feely-rama © too. Audiences feedback at the smell of rotting flesh and the Ogre swamp has not been positive. There are several current court claims concerning the touch-o-feely-rama ©.

Following the alternate timeline plot of 'Shrek Forever After' (2010) this is a prequel about the birth of Shrek and his mother. We discover that Shrek and his mother were slaves in the service of a junk dealer called 'What-ho' until rescued by the brothers, John and Edward Grimes. After the discovery of a horses head in his bed, What-ho is perfectly happy to sell his slaves to the two Jedward knights.

Next week:

The Day the Earth Revolved (1959)

[reiver33]

The Day the Earth Revolved (1959)

A comedy-drama produced for the ‘stag’ circuit.

Simultaneous nuclear tests along the Equator cause the Earth to start spinning faster, leading to higher gravity. Rocket scientist Dr von Daigle (Ned Nederlander, in his last film) convinces US pilot Chuck Peterkin (Bob Hope) that only intense, low-level jet backwash can slow the planet. Too frail to withstand the expected G-forces, Dr Daigle sends his glamorous assistant Veronica (starlet Veronica Busten) along to help with the calculations.

Acting against Air Force orders, Chuck and Veronica steal the giant ‘Flying Wing’ and buzz several prominent geological features so that the jet engines kick against them (some use of stock footage here). The film is noteworthy for some of Hope’s blue humour, as the severe gravity drags down both his pants and Veronica’s neckline.

88 mins, unrated.

Trivia Tease: the fuel maintenance man who gives Veronica a leg-up is played by Alfred Hitchcock.


Noddy and the Toytown Strangler (1977)

[Dave]

Noddy and the Toytown Strangler (1977)

This is the second biopic of the Glam rock band Slade. Following on from their very successful film ‘Slade in Flames’ (1974), ‘Noddy and the Toytown Strangler’ follows the band during the period in which Glam rock dissolved to give way to the Punk rock phenomena. With their chart topping successes now all but dried up, the band continues to tour and perform; releasing albums that no one will ever buy.

In this underrated, semi-autobiographical, hour-long television film, a demoralised Noddy Holder, along with the rest of the band take a coach trip into Toytown. Partially animated, the film was poorly received by critics and audiences alike.



Guitarist Dave Hill told: "We knew most of the scenes we wanted to include, but we bent our ideas to fit the people concerned, once we got to know our cast. If somebody wanted to do something we hadn’t planned, they went ahead. If it worked, we kept it in. At one point, Noddy has this dream in which girl's dolls were strangled by a variety of other toys. It seemed to work at the time.”

The film was unscripted and shooting proceeded on the basis of a mostly handwritten collection of ideas, sketches, and situations, which Noddy Holder kept in a biscuit tin, which he called the "Big Noize."

Filmed almost entirely on location at Birmingham's Bull Ring, the production was constantly interrupted by young children asking Noddy if he would shout, "IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

The British public's initial reaction to the film was totally scathing. Later, with the dawn of the home video era came an opportunity to release Noddy and the Toytown Strangler on VHS and Laserdisc. However, it was held up for some years due to music rights issues.

Variety reported in March 2010 that Disney and director Robert Zemeckis were negotiating to produce a 3D computer animated remake of the film.

Film Trivia: The Coach Driver is played by Joe Strummer.

The next film shown will be:

Abbott and Costello meet the Terminator (1953)

[Starbeast]

Recently released 1953 film! At the time, the producers of the film were uncertain that this funny film would be successful, because they thought it was "too brainy" to be understood with all of the science fiction terminology. However, after many decades we are finally allowed to see this movie, it is clear that this film was seen by a few people in the movie business, such as director James Cameron who was obvisouly inspired by the film.

This story is about Bud and Lou who are 3-D TV door-to-door salesmen, while demonstrating the features of the super-duper technology of the Super Dulex 3DT-1000 they accidently bring a robot-man from the future into 1950's. The nearly indestructible robot-man (played by a young Charles Bronson, who was also in the 1953 film HOUSE of WAX) attacks the city by using high tech weapons of the future (such as the Tesla Lightning Rifle & 60 caliber mini-gun). Bud and Lou figure that if they used the 3-D TV to bring the robot-man here, that they could send him back by using it as well, and they do so.
Rated PG 98 min.s

MEDIA REVIEWS

"Great entertainment from start to finish" - Editor of The NEW SUN

"They are the Kings of Comedy" - Editor of Sci-Fi Magazine

"I laughed so hard I **** my pants" - Editor of High Times

IT, the UKNOWN CREATURE

[J Riff]

IT, the UKNOWN CREATURE 196?


IT, a huge creature of unknown origin, wanders into NYC and wreaks havoc. The 700-foot tall creature is finally brought down by good old nuclear weapons, but as scientists in radiation suits approach the smoldering monsters' remains, IT'S 1500-foot tall mother rampages out from the ocean and totally wastes them, and what's left of NYC, and a few other cities, before she too is brought down by massive atomic bombardment.
As President Harrison Frod struggles to maintain order, IT'S father and a few of ITS' cousins show up, and effectively beat hell out of the world, which has run out of nukes. The ITS return to the deeps, never to be seen again.
A very unhappy ending made this film too depressing to be released in the upbeat 60s. Rated BGW - Bad Guys Win ! !

Jason and the Astronauts

[Dave]

Jason and the Astronauts (2011)

Hot the success of ‘Clash of the Titans’ (2010), Warner Brothers Pictures, in association with Legendary Pictures, as a Thunder Road Film, and the Zanuck Company, decided that this futuristic reworking of the 1963 Don Chaffey classic ‘Jason and the Argonauts’ could work. The film moves the action from an ocean-bound boat to a spaceship and packs intense action and thrilling suspense into a human drama of courage and heroism.

After a 20 year space voyage, Jason (Jake Gyllenhaal) returns to NASA to take over as Administrator. But it's not quite that easy. In order to gain the leadership, he must find and recover the missing Hubble Space Telescope, which has amazing exploratory powers. He selects a crew, which includes Polydeuces (Peter Sarsgaard), Phineas (Sam Worthington) and Hercules (Matthew McConaughey). Jason also gains the help of the First lady, Obama (Beyonce). Jason and his crew must now reach the telescope and survive the likes of deadly meteors and a giant asteroid, a huge venomous alien with head full of seven snakes, a black hole, and a terrifying army of robotic arms.

Tagline: Greatest Odyssey of the Ages - for the first time in space.

Trivia: the sandals worn are all Nike trainers with toes painted on them; they didn't wear sandals because they needed space boots to perform the zero-gee stunts.

John Carpenter's Escape from New Orleans

[J Riff]

John Carpenter's Escape from New Orleans

Rival gangs riding surfboards shoot it out on the streets of New Orleans as Hurrican Katrina is recreated for this blockbuster action thriller, starring Kurt Russell as Russ Kirtle, proprietor of a touchy-feel-o-rama shop, who is presumed dead after he is buried in an avalanche of mud. He survives in an underground chamber, eating strange glowing mushrooms which cause his head to grow and mutate horrifically.
The mushroom-headed monster bursts back into the city via the sewer system, just in time to save the city from the rampaging gangs, and he becomes an idol of the people, who carry him on their shoulders in a huge parade led by vintage jass musicians until suddenly his head bursts and a million spores infect the city and start to take over the world.
A fabulous vintage soundtrack, and an automatic sequel, which can be seen, here:>

John Carpenter's Battle of New Orleans

[Peter Graham]

John Carpenter's Battle of New Orleans

"C'mon everybody take a trip with me,
Way down the Mississippi down to New Orleans
Smell rotting flesh in the air
You've never been to Hell if you ain't been there.
They've got the body parts hanging in the high oak trees,
Down the Mississippi down in New Orleans.

I say hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah!
(Here comes another zom-beh)
I say Hey! A-hey, hey, yeah!

Well c'mon drunken priests, take a trip with me,
Let's battle eldritch demons down in New Orleans
Special effects gore everywhere
Dead pretty girlies with their long blond hair.
I'd rather saw both my own legs off at the knees,
Than get entered by the Devil down in New Orleans."

Little Trouble in Big China

[Dave]

Little Trouble in Big China (1970)

The John Howard Carpenter Season continues with his first ever film; a student project that he started work on while a student at the USC film school in Los Angeles. Little Trouble in Big China is a little known precursor to Big Trouble in Little China, and is credited with being the first martial arts film that kick started the unarmed combat genre that took the world by storm in the 1970s.

It combines elements from the traditional action film, as codified by Hollywood, with Chinese storytelling and aesthetic traditions, to create a culturally distinctive form that nevertheless has a wide trans-cultural appeal. The hero, bespectacled Long Dong (Kurt Russell), does not serve a lord, wield any military power, or belong to the aristocratic classes of ancient Chinese society. However, as he walks the dangerous streets of the market district, Long Dong is bound by a code of chivalry; one which requires him to right wrongs, especially when the helpless or the poor are oppressed.

Marcia Brady (Kathleen Cody) is the pretentious nightclub singer who gets caught up in his fight for compensation when a customer is short changed over two Jin of cabbage. They take their call for retribution all the way to the most senior official before justice is finally served. Long is forced to make use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, and physical prowess in his continuous war on street crime and badly parked rickshaws. His only tools are a pencil and paper, and the ancient Laws that strictly control any traders who wish to sell goods from mobile units.

The Twilight Saga: Setting Sons