Needed- 7 Heroes, chap 3 pt 1

[Damiynn]

Chapter 3
Crossgate

The large trees standing over the path in front of the seven had interlocked and intertwined in such a way that they had formed a woven blanket of branches overhead. Their trunks stood so close that they formed a sort of tunnel through the woods. As they stepped upon the stone path leading between the tightly intertwined trees, a slight grey mist sprang up out of the earth. Tendrils of thick gray fog wrapped around their ankles and covered the path.

“Now that is an impressive special effect.” said Darby admiringly, as they all watched the mist thicken as if it were alive.

The farther they walked along the stone path the more twisted and tangled the trees grew. The mist grew so thick that it was impossible to see farther than a few feet. Their path took a slight turn they followed it. Stopping they stared wide eyed at what appeared to be a pulsating light in front of them where the interwoven trees met and the path ended.

As one they stopped in front of the glowing light, each carefully studying it. Jared finally turned and faced the other six. “We don’t have to go through here if any of you don’t want to, we can turn around and go back.”

“Ohh no we can’t!” stated David, shaking his head emphatically from side to side. “The dungeon seekers have already gone through and I have no intention of letting them beat us again or walk away with part of my money!”

Both Kevyn and Marcella nodded agreeing.

Jared turned to Darby, Bryce and Simeon. Darby was praying and after she was finished she nodded her head. Bryce didn’t respond, instead he focused on Simeon. The tall, dark haired young man was intently studying the glowing light. After several long moments contemplating, Simeon leaned in towards it and stuck his arm in.

Everyone watched wide eyed as his arm disappeared all the way up to his shoulder. Where the light seemed to start, Simeon’s arm ended. After a few moments he pulled his arm out, an amazed expression on his face.

That same expression crossed all of their faces as they stared at his armor covered arm.

“What the h..” Kevynn started, but his voice faded away.

Snowflakes covered Simeon’s arm.

“I don’t know what’s going on here,” he told them warily, eyeing the glowing light. “But it is really cold on the other side.”

“That’s impossible!” said David, disbelievingly. “It can’t be, not even illusion can change temperature.”
Simeon held up his snow covered arm.

David, still not believing his eyes, stepped up to the glowing light and thrust his own arm into it. Amazement crossed his mediterranean features. “You’re right,” he said eyes wide, “it’s freezing.” His expression changed. “What in the wo…” His words were cut off. His eyes went wide with fear as he was yanked off of his feet and pulled through the light.

“Damn it!” cursed Kevynn loudly. Moving fast, he whipped out his broad bladed sword and threw himself through the glowing light.

Jared and the rest looked at one another, then Bryce voiced their opinions by saying, “We can’t let them do it alone.”

The remaining five nodded, drew out their weapons and followed, stepping through the light.

Unseen by the group, two pairs of eyes belonging to the hosts watched. The taller one made a note on his long parchment with his feathered quill pen.
* * *

[chrispenycate]

Their path took a slight turn they followed it. Stopping they stared wide eyed at what appeared to be a pulsating light in front of them where the interwoven trees met and the path ended.

That first sentence is actually two, and I assume it's trying to tell me they turned a slight corner, which brought the previously hidden light into view.

“We don’t have to go through here if any of you don’t want to, we can turn around and go back.”

This is two sentences; I assume it splits at "want to", but it could be at "through here"

Both Kevyn and Marcella nodded agreeing.

comma after "nodded"

Darby was praying and after she was finished she nodded her head.

Commas round "after she was finished" do you think?

Bryce didn’t respond, instead he focused on Simeon.

possibly semicolon rather than comma.

The remaining five nodded, drew out their weapons and followed, stepping through the light.

Do you really need that "out"?

[Damiynn]

Thanks c, made the appropriate corrections and you are right about the out.