The Sakura Tree -- draft

[Runya]

Hello there. This little story has nothing to do with any of my previous stories, and I wrote it in like an hour. So, don't be too demanding about my grammar or vocabulary --- though if you find it hard not to be, then I'll just have to appreaciate you taking your time to help me get better. *smiles*

***

God, I just feel so damned...

I sighed.

Am I ever going to get tough enough to endure this miserable life?

“Hey, Raven! How you doing?” he said.

“Hm?”

“How – are – you?” He over pronounced each word separately. “I mean, you seem kinda lost but… are you okay?” he asked. This time, he leaned towards me and looked at my eyes.

“Ah, yes, yes. I’m great!” I said, giving him one of my fake smiles.

“No, you’re not. What’s wrong?”

So much for fake smiles. Thank you very much, dear face.

“Nothing, Sesh. I’m alright.” I replied, glaring at the ground.

“God, I know you better than anyone. You can’t hide your feelings from me!” he laughed.

“Yes, I can. Besides, how would you know that’s something is wrong?”

“Like I just did.” He rolled his eyes. “I look into your eyes and see clearly that you are … not okay. So, just spit it out,” He took a step towards me, closing the space between us.

“No, I just can’t! Just… let it go.”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“NO!”

Arrggghhh, God! I just want to kill him!

“Fine! Fine!” I took a deep breath. “It’s him,”

“Again?” He quirked his brow.

“Well, yes. But you know I love him like hell. I just can’t tell him: ‘Hey! I hate this and that about you! So eff yourself!’,” I said, pointing accusingly at an imaginary person and frowning.

“Ahh…” He put a hand on his forehead and closed his eyes, as if in exasperation. “God, Raven. How many times I’ve told you you deserve better?”

He opened his eyes again, pulled me, and hugged me. I let myself breathe in his aroma and closed my eyes.

“Don’t cry,”

Quisling tear!

“I’m not,” I said, wiping my eye inconspicuously with his shirt.

He shook his head. I could feel him smiling.

“Come…”

He broke the hug, took my hand, and lead me to his favorite spot in the park. He turned his head to me and winked.

“My beautiful Raven, dearest of all friends, how can I make all that sadness go away?” he said as he sat under The Sakura Tree, crossing his legs.

I sat in front of him and stared at the ground once again.

“Look at me,” he said, but I didn’t. “Look at me,” he repeated, leaning towards me and putting a finger on my chin, lifting my head. “I love you,”

“I know,” I said, another quisling tear trailing down my cheek.

“Then be happy! Smile for me,”

“I just… can’t.” I replied and burst into tears.

He grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap, caressing my hair, trying to soothe me.

“I told you to smile, not to start sobbing like a mad woman,” he laughed.

A few seconds passed.

“You’re so nice,” I said and smiled.

“I know,” he laughed again. “Now, tell me what did he to you this time,”

I gazed at his beautiful silky black hair and then let my eyes trail to his smooth skin; his blue eyes like the deepest of oceans, full of enigmas and dilemmas.

Now it was time. I had to decide. If I was going to tell him, he would surely tell me that I should just forget about it, that I should just live my life. But if I didn’t tell him, it would kill me not to know what his thoughts were. It would kill me not to know what is behind those deep seas.

I leaned my head onto his neck.

If he just could understand what I feel.

But what if he did understand and I was just being a wuss? What if he would advice me better than the usual and not joke about my issues? What if he…

“Raven,” he whispered. I looked up, returning his gaze. “I want to help you, Raven,”

I smiled at him and returned to my former position, resting my cheek on his shoulder, my nose on his neck, feeling his pulse.

“I know,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “It just hurts so much,”

I felt his arms tightening around me, and my body relaxed.

You have to tell him. You know you have to.

Yes, I did have to tell him. But I was too scared. My problems with my love were just too atrocious to talk about, and my feelings were even worse. I was completely and totally lost.

“I am lonely,” I finally whispered, opening my eyes and wrapping my left arm around him.

He didn’t hear me.

No, he didn’t. He was too overwhelmed by my state.

And I need him.

Yes, I did. He was the sun in my solar system; my walking warmth.

“You’re not,”

He heard me…

I didn’t know how to react. Asking him why or how seemed too stupid, so I just kept silent.

“You’re not lonely,” he said firmly. "You have me,"

I believed him.

[Sapheron]

It's nice. There's no real description of anything much, very dialogue heavy, but that worked fine and I'm not going to complain about it, though I think a little more might have been useful. The ending was a little ambiguous for me though; I can't make my mind up whether the girl's in love with the guy she's with now or someone else, and that's a little annoying. If that's the end of it, I at least would like a little more obvious closure (unless exams, writing and general sleep deprivation are the real root cause of my confusion).

[Runya]

Originally Posted by Sapheron

It's nice. There's no real description of anything much, very dialogue heavy, but that worked fine and I'm not going to complain about it, though I think a little more might have been useful. The ending was a little ambiguous for me though; I can't make my mind up whether the girl's in love with the guy she's with now or someone else, and that's a little annoying. If that's the end of it, I at least would like a little more obvious closure (unless exams, writing and general sleep deprivation are the real root cause of my confusion).

Don't worry. That's not the end.

I'll be writing some more by the end of the weekend and then you'll get to know exactly what's on her mind.

Thanks for the comment, Saph.

[Sapheron]

In that case it's very good indeed. Get writing and clear things up for me.

[Runya]

Originally Posted by Sapheron

In that case it's very good indeed. Get writing and clear things up for me.

Sir, yes, sir!





lol *grins*

Edit: He! Saph, you were the only one to give me a critique... Hehe, thanks a lot.

[StormFeather]

I loved this!

I can relate to how Raven is feeling, bursting with feeling about a situation, and just wishing that someone would just understand without having to really explain. I'm looking forward to reading the next bit!

[Runya]

I don't think there will be actually a next bit but more of a 'same bit' but with added details and thoughts and a little more explanations. Maybe I'll just change something in the end, but that's it.

Actually, I don't see much future to the story. It was just something I wrote because that was the way I was feeling and I just wanted someone with me...

*clears throat* Ahem... what am I babbling about?

[TheApprentice]

Two words:

RUNYA ROCKS!

(few words... explain a lot.