The Quintessence Machine

[Teresa Edgerton]

For this reader there are a lot of subtle clues that this is an alternate Florence, although making Leonardo da Vinci into a saint is one of the most obvious.

Anyway, if readers don't get it at once, there's no reason why the knowledge shouldn't dawn on them slowly.

[C Michael MacAlister]

Originally Posted by Teresa Edgerton

You could have trouble getting a book of that length published at any point in your career. When you reach a certain word count, there are issues with the size of the type and the strength of the binding. Of course it depends on the publisher how much they worry about those things.

Divided, on the other hand, you should have two books of a nice length and be able to keep all of your subplots. And I think this is the kind of book that would do well now, but there is no telling what readers and publishers will be looking for later.

Thanks, Teresa; your feedback is definitely most welcome. I shall certainly continue to present it as two books!

Blackrook - I understand your point, but I try to keep things subtle at the beginning. There is plenty of alternate-reality weirdness coming, believe me. The book takes in alchemy, da Vinci's designs, cryptography (huge clue to this device's intent there, everyone!) and mathematics, philosophy and history, as well as religion.

Oh, and the main character's autistic.

I hope it's one hell of a ride

[Blackrook]

Why does the assassin pray after committing an act of murder?

[Teresa Edgerton]

I took it to mean that he was either looking for instant absolution, or that he was working for some arm of the Church, or both.

I could be totally wrong, of course.

[Vargev]

I took it that he was trying to repent his sins.

[Blackrook]

Well, it seems to me that if the assassin is giving a benediction he must be a priest. If he's a priest, he would never murder a man without giving him forgiveness for his mortal sins. It's one thing to take a man's life, but it's much worse to condemn his soul to hell. A priest, even a bad priest, would not do that.

So if your assassin is a priest, he should take a confession or give an absolution before his victim dies.

[C Michael MacAlister]

You're all right

The assassin is a priest. As for the absolution... well, he sort of has a "proactive absolution" in place (a fairly common abuse at the time). Any more than that would be revealing too much

Oh, and the main character's autistic.

I realized that the tone of my last post might have been a bit flippant, so I wish to correct any misunderstanding or offense here. When I first realized my main character was autistic (and it was a realization, it seems to me now), I immediately stopped writing and considered very deeply whether I wanted (or indeed was able) to do such a thing. I researched autism deeply, and spoke to several high-functioning autistic adults I know personally and online. They explained what it was like to be autistic, and generally signed off on both my concept and, in many cases, on the passages of the book that deal with the character.

Just to clarify; this is not a hatchet-job "Rain Man" style autistic savant. I hope that I have actually managed to convey, in a small way, what it is like to be an autistic man, coupled with 16th century prejudices and ignorance about the condition.

Just FYI. OK, preachy/apologist part over. Normal service will resume.

[C Michael MacAlister]

Originally Posted by Blackrook

If he's a priest, he would never murder a man without giving him forgiveness for his mortal sins. It's one thing to take a man's life, but it's much worse to condemn his soul to hell....
< snip >

So if your assassin is a priest, he should take a confession or give an absolution before his victim dies.

Most of the passage is from Galdini's perspective; I kind of assume that the assassin grants a silent absolution without Galdini's knowledge before the act of murder.

[weirdside]

I thought this snippet was quite entertaining. I do wish you'd make the machine a bit more mysterious though. All I get is that it's complex. The style is good and the subtle use of Italian words really lends to the atmosphere. Good luck getting it published.

[C Michael MacAlister]

Originally Posted by weirdside

I thought this snippet was quite entertaining. I do wish you'd make the machine a bit more mysterious though. All I get is that it's complex. The style is good and the subtle use of Italian words really lends to the atmosphere. Good luck getting it published.

Thanks for the props... I think I'm going to need all the luck I can get!

As for the machine... Hint: This may not be the one in the title...

[C Michael MacAlister]

Thanks, every, for all the great replies, help and critique; I am honeslty humbled and emboldened by your kindness.

If anyone is interested in reading more, I am attaching the first three chapters of the novel to this post; again, any feedback/critique/harsh judgement is more than welcome!

Once more, thanks so much for all your comments, and I look forward to more!

[C Michael MacAlister]

Hi all; I don't mean to bump this thread (it can be a pretty selfish practice!) but I was wondering if there was any feedback on the first three chapters? It has been viewed a little, and I decided to wait and see. If no-one has anything to add, that's fine, too!

Thanks again for all the feedback I've already got; I'm still waiting to hear from agents and publishers alike (one agent with the full, three publishers with partials...) so fingers crossed and in the meantime I'll blog updates on Sinterglass Road.

Quick poll re: SR (and I know this is not the perfect venue, but I'll ask anyway). Would you like updates of some text? I can blog and add to the Critiques thread as well...

[Lacedaemonian]

I enjoyed the prologue and have literally just downloaded the chapters. I try not to be overly critical and I usually just offer feedback on whether or not the prose was comfortable to read and on the story itself. If a story is boring, or if the prose is dull and jars then you might as well give in now. I always believe that technique and errors can be cleaned up at a later date by proof readers etc etc. Theresa, Chris and one or two others often provide excellent feedback on technique - I on the other hand am too lazy and selfish.

If I aint posted up some feedback in the next few days, feel free to pm a reminder to me. I am often so busy thinking about myself and forget about others. I expect to be impressed after reading the prologue.

[C Michael MacAlister]

@Lacedaemonian: Thanks so much; don't worry, I understand about feedback, and certainly don't consider it "selfish" to want to work on one's own projects and technique. Besides, unlike many artistic endeavours, technique in writing should be relatively easy to see; pointers ("have you thought about this?"; "try looking at it from this perspective") are helpful, but often a request for assistance can basically read as "please rewrite this for me so it reads good". Not that I would accuse anyone on these forums of that; I have come across others like that in some places and workshops I have attended (one of the reasons I stopped attending, to be honest!)

I hope my own requests for help along thses lines have not crossed that line!

I expect to be impressed after reading the prologue.

It's a lot to live up to; I hope I can do so. Look forward to hearing back!

Humbly,

Callum

[Lacedaemonian]

I do not really have any projects. I am too lazy. All of my projects gather 'digital dust' and 'javascripted cobwebs'.

I am a sucker for the alternate history/universe, so I anticipate joy.

::Lacedaemonian steps into the wardrobe.....