Intro to a short-story I just started

[Primitius]

I was a distance from the hospital, pacing up the road towards it as it loomed overhead at the top of the street. Adrenaline coursed through my body giving me the energy to carry on running, my breath fast and sharp.
A massive vortex of opaque blue energy was swirling and winding around the hospital and far up into the sky, encased in a layer of furious electrical storms.
Miles into the air it met a massive jet black cloud, piercing it like a steeple.
The immense sound it gave off was heart-stopping; a thundering sub-bass frequency which undulated and morphed as the vortex did, bordered by the crackling and ripping of constant electrical storms. The vortex created massive winds that threw themselves around ceaselessly, battering the surrounding area.
All around me others were also running, the same look of magnetism and urgency pervading their body language as it did mine.
I felt numb and unreal, my body propelled by a curious force; a combination of awe and duty informed my pace almost sub-consciously.
I tried to resist and clear my head but my body wouldn’t listen.
As I neared the hospital grounds I got a better view of what was happening. Now I could see the details and intricacies of the swirling blue ether as it spread around the base of the building and in thinner strings through all the windows. The thicker more consistent parts of the vortex were a deep sea blue, while the thinner tentacles that protruded from it were a lighter shade. It seemed thick yet somehow gaseous and emanated with a bright blue glow, like pure energy.
I stopped in the hospital car-park, paralyzed and frozen still, staring upwards. All around me others were too.
Then I noticed something, inside the tubes and tentacles of the vortex; I could see bodies. Vague silhouettes of people swirled through the vortex, some fast and others slow, but all finding a way upwards into the thinning spiral that reached miles up into the sky. Their bodies looked like wisps of smoke and their facial features were nothing more than black rips that stretched and shaped with the winds of the vortex, pulling them ever upwards.
I felt a sudden chill down my spine as I realised that under the din of all that was going on I could hear piercing high pitched squeals that ripped and echoed from the vortex, coming from the souls as they were sucked upwards.
The sound was punishing and disturbing, every one chilling me to the bone,


People around me started running frantically towards the hospital, hundreds of them. I turned around away from the hospital and saw hundreds more people, all with crazed desperate looks and running as fast as they could around and past me. Many stumbled and fell and many more were trampled.
I suddenly realised I had snapped out of it. Everything seemed real again. The actuality of the situation quickly sunk in and made me instantly feel sick and weak. I fell forward and threw up all over the concrete car-park. On my hands and knees I peered up like a sorry dog at the vortex, cowering before its strength. People were darting past me on all sides and I could see steady stream of people penetrating the vortex and instantly being sucked upwards, seemingly turned into smoke, each one letting out a piercing scream.

[zachariah]

Kind of interesting. I'd read on if there was some more. Some odd choices of words, and plenty you could cut to make it more immediate.

Examples:

The actuality of the situation quickly sunk in and made me instantly feel sick and weak

The situation sunk in and made me feel sick and weak.

Their bodies looked like wisps of smoke and their facial features were nothing more than black rips that stretched and shaped with the winds of the vortex, pulling them ever upwards.

Their bodies were wisps of smoke and their faces were black rips, stretched by the winds of the vortex.