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|2nd June 2009, 04:12 PM||#17 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: West Yorkshire
Blog Entries: 2
With regards to information pertaining to medication, the cochrane collaboration (cochrane.org) is generally the best free source you'll find.
Cochrane Reviews - by sub-topics 'Depression, Anxiety and Neurosis'
As has been said before, medication is not the only route. Thankfully doctors seem to have got over the early-90's habit of handing out prescriptions as if they were dispensing jelly beans and appropriate help can be provided.
Can I also just say that if you feel bad about just 5 pages, you should take heart from the anecdote usually attributed to James Joyce. The story goes that he was found one day by a friend, sitting at his desk, obviously distraught.
"What is it? Is it the work?"
He simply nods in reply. Yes, it's the work.
"How much have you managed today?"
"Seven." It comes out almost like a sob. "Seven words."
"That's not so bad," his friend replies, trying to be conciliatory.
"Yes," Joyce replies, looking up at his friend with red-rimmed eyes, "but what order do they go in?"
|4th June 2009, 10:58 AM||#19 (permalink)|
Destroyer of Words
Join Date: Apr 2007
Blog Entries: 11
Much of what you've said resonates personally for me. The need to prove worthiness, annoyance at being lazy, burying yourself in your work. And the down periods where you analyse your progress and become dismissive of it and yourself. One begets the other. The voice in your head saying "you can't be as good as you think, look at your spelling" or whatever.
Peer support is incredibly useful during this period. Failing that, I often turn to something else. I play guitar so that's easy for me. The important thing for me has always been not to force my way through the writing, the results are nearly always unsatisfactory, but to ease myself around it. If my writing stinks I stop writing or write something else for a while. If my music stinks, I re-read my writing and am sometimes surprised to note that it isn't really that bad, after all. Then I edit and edit and re-write and re-write and I get quite a buzz out of it, seeing improvements take shape.
Very soon I'm writing again. Back in the saddle.
Here and elsewhere I've repeatedly said "write something, anything" every day. Even this reply to you is serving a purpose for me (and, I sincerely hope, for you). But I still take breaks, sometimes for days at a time, while my unconscious mulls over a plot point or a story arc. I have other things to keep my creative juices flowing. Perhaps, for you, it's the games that let you vent.
Your next points are more striking, so I'd like, if I may, to treat each one separately. Again the reminder that I, essentially, know nothing, but something I say here may just accidentally help you.
Other things that you found fun and are now a pain may well fit into a similar category, or possibly the adrenaline rush you used to get from them has been replaced by something else. I don't know, you'll know better.
Let's look at the hallucination first.
You know that in any random collection of squiggles or dots, our brains will locate a face and resolve it. I'm assuming the room was dark, in which case your own vision is providing a lot of these swirls. If you need glasses and weren't wearing them, the effect is even more enhanced. You were near sleep, so your eyes were adjusting. The face moves as new shapes come in to place.
Get a mirror and a bright light. Shine the light in your face and stare fixedly at your face for at least a couple of minutes. Without blinking or moving, turn off the light. Scary or what? But not a ghost.
I hope some if what I've said has been of some use to you, even if only as things to rule out and dismiss out of hand. In any case, I hope you find the reasons you're seeking and can cope with the situation without doing anything extreme
First stop, though, as I say, get a medical opinion and make sure there is nothing that needs urgent attention.
|4th June 2009, 11:56 AM||#20 (permalink)|
Have brain, will travel
Join Date: Jul 2006
Blog Entries: 10
About the heart attack feeling -- yeah, drinking too much caffeine can cause your heart to beat faster, and when you become aware of it (and start getting worried about it) it can bring on a panic attack...which has fun symptoms such as breathlessness, chest pain, trembling, rapid heartbeat, a sense of impending doom etc. So all things that could be seen as a heart attack. Thinking that it might be such ironically leads to the panic attack worsening! Caffeine doesn't need to be cut out completely, but cutting down would definitely help. Anxiety can generally manifest itself in different ways, too, including bodily pains and changes in diet/digestion problems.
If you want to get away from what you're writing for a while, but still want to carry on with the actual act of writing, writing (and how many times can I say writing in one sentence?) out worries or problems or just general feelings sometimes help. Just getting it out of your head and into some kind of coherent order can sometimes help...
|5th June 2009, 03:50 PM||#21 (permalink)|
Destroyer of Words
Join Date: Apr 2007
Blog Entries: 11
I love a good James Joyce anecdote
|5th October 2009, 10:30 AM||#23 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: South Africa
Blog Entries: 3
Since you haven't yet posted an update I don't know how you're doing. I really hope things have improved.
I can only echo what many have already said - see a psychiatrist or psychologist, someone who is trained in this area. You might not need medication, a form of therapy could work for you.
I have Major Depressive Disorder (since childhood) and I resisted medication for years. After experimenting with various drugs (under the supervision of a psychiatrist of course!), I finally found that Zoloft works best for me. If you need to go on medication then don't be afraid to tell your doctor about all the side-effects. A responsible doctor will work with you to find the correct combination/dosage for you.
I also see a clinical psychologist once a week and that, in conjunction with the medication, has done wonders for me.
You're brave to acknowledge that something is wrong and you need help. Good luck and if you need to pm me to ask me anything else about this...please feel free to do so.
|25th October 2009, 01:27 AM||#24 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2004
Jon I hope you are doing okay. I've had severe bouts of depression myself throughout my lifetime and after two suicide attempts and multiple trips to the shrink, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It sounds to me that the first thing is to tell your doctor about the situation as well as someone you trust and can confide in. If it is depression you do not want to go at it alone because in the end that is a very bad place to be (trust me on this). As far as the racing heart that can be a side affect from too much caffeine and you may want to try decaffeinated or herbal tea to see if that helps. It could also be a panic or anxiety attack. Which is another reason to clue a doctor in on this. It's interesting that you are a writer because I myself am an artist and it seems to me anyway that people that have the creative gene will go through ruts from time to time and then at times just the opposite happens. Generally artists, writers, filmmakers and the like tend to be classified as moody by the general public and perhaps they are more apt to be diagnosed with certain disorders like depression, bipolar or manic depression. All I know is that it took me quite a few years to nail down what I had and to try and work with it. It's a struggle at times but having known what the deal is and having people around me that are aware of my situation has helped me a good deal. I sure hope things turn around for you.
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