Dialogue About the Pressing Problem of Humans

[Blackrook]

“Humans have scattered through the stars, beyond the power of any one government to control them.”

“Each of them seeks his own self-interest. That is their weakness.”

“No, that is their strength. While each human pursues profit and happiness for himself, the human race as a whole benefits from his efforts.”

“I find that contradictory to logic.”

“As do I. But I’ve built a computer model and it does work.”

“But there is so much waste, so much duplication of efforts. The humans make 113 types of mouthwash. One would be enough.”

“It’s called competition. In this way, the humans strive to make better and better mouthwash. There is constant improvement. The best mouthwash sells the most on what humans call the marketplace.”

“But what about the humans who lose this competition? What happens when they can’t sell their mouthwash.”

“They find a more productive use of their time and resources.”

“How do we compete with these humans?”

“We can’t. Our people know nothing about competition. We have always lived according to the will of the collective.”

“While we have a dozen worlds, the humans now have hundreds. Soon they will have thousands. There’s no way to stop them.”

“I agree. The Council should have listened to me when the humans had but one world.”

“What will happen when the humans discover our worlds?”

“I have run a computer simulation using all raw data we have from observing Earth over the past 10,000 years. The most optimistic projection is that our people will be conquered by the humans and consigned to second-class citizenship.”

“What’s the most pessimistic projection?”

“The humans exterminate us.”

“I see.”

“But neither extreme is likely. The most likely projection is somewhere in between. The humans most likely will quarantine us in desert areas where we will be unemployed and dependent on government benefits.”

“OK, the Council is listening to you now. I am listening. What is your recommendation? What should we do about these humans?”

[Interference]

If this seems a little forward, I apologise, but may I add the following to the conversation?

“What will happen when the humans discover our worlds?”

“I have run a computer simulation using all raw data we have from observing Earth over the past 10,000 years. The most optimistic projection is that our people will be conquered by the humans and consigned to second-class citizenship. When their economy is strong, they will provide us with subsistence-level incomes. When weak, they will send us all on training courses."

It's a pretty succinct conversation. Where does it come in the Blackrook canon?

[HareBrain]

I enjoyed this, especially the deadpan humour of them picking on the example of mouthwash. However, it seems unlikely that these two voices would be having this precise conversation - it reads almost as though the human problem has blown up in the last five minutes. Also, if voice1 doesn't understand the logic of self-interest, would he be able to program a computer to model it? (Unless this is part of the humour.)

I guess whether these are real issues would depend on where this fits into a story.

[SJAB]

The dialogue is good, but it is just dialogue. There is nothing to "hang" the words on. Who is speaking? Where are they speaking? Purpose and reason for? Their emotional response to the exchange.

Ok, you get hints from the dialogue itself, but it is not enough, and it is a bit stilted, as you are having to tell, as well as show with it. Would two beings have such a conversation? The knowledge of earth is known to both so would they repeat aspects of it to each other? It's what I call CSI logic, where each character explains, what would be shared knowledge, to each other.

[Peter Graham]

I also liked the mouthwash gag, but overall it's a little bit info dumpy in places - explanatory dialogue is OK, but it has to sound "real". To use an example I've used in the past, some of your exchanges get a bit too close to:-

"I am going to the pub tonight. Do you want to come with me?"

"Given that I am a carbon based life form who loves fermented liquor and has been with you to the pub every Friday for the last ten years, of course I want to come. Which pub are we going to."

"As you know, there is only one in the village and we have been there every Friday for the last ten years. The Lamb and Flag."

"The Lamb and Flag? You mean the ivy-covered building at the end of the high street which has a snooker table in the back room and which puts on Curry N' Karaoke nights on a Wednesday?"

I exaggerate for comic effect, but you get the point.

Also, it smacked slightly of a morality tale. I get the impression that you are writing a thinly disguised allegory of white colonialism - a sort of futuristic "Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee", although I accept that this may be unfair and you may be about to take the story in an entirely different direction.

Regards,

Peter

PS: Love Interference's post, but shouldn't it read:-

“What will happen when the humans discover our worlds?”

“I have run a computer simulation using all raw data we have from observing Earth over the past 10,000 years. The most optimistic projection is that our people will be conquered by the humans and consigned to second-class citizenship. When their economy is strong, they will provide us with subsistence-level incomes. When weak, they will send us all on training courses. We wil be forced to attend focus groups and watch bleary-eyed as shiny young suits with great hair patronise us into asking for the things they have already decided that they will give us. They will take our pride, our jobs and our families and give us dole money and Jeremy Kyle."

[Blackrook]

Thank you all for your responses.

This does not really fit into my world as I've described before, but it deals with the same issue, which is the consequences of human colonization of the stars and contact with alien civilizations.

I admit that the allegory is thinly disguised.