Cover Letter and Synopsis

[zachariah]

I'd have to re-affirm what SJAB said - if you describe someone as 'popular' in school, you are plugging into a ready-made caricature of a bubbly teenager who goes to parties, hangs out with friends all the time and would die without her mobile phone. Probably blonde too. This is pretty much the antithesis of the girl who prefers her own company and spends her free time discussing fantasy worlds with her mother.

Was this an extract from the actual novel...

Today was no different for Rebecca, just home from school on a warm September evening, she hurries upstairs.

...Or was it a scene in note form? I ask because it's always a surprise to read a piece of work narrated in the present tense.

[2ndchance]

Zac,
I am not sure I agree with this prerequisite if popular, you are blonde and go to many parties... That leaves an awful lot of unpopular people. I understand your point, however this is a tale of Rebecca, who in spite of being popular just prefers her own company and actually has a lovely relationship with her mother. Also, have you read the whole synopsis i.e. the bit below?

“Elizabeth, her mother, lives a difficult life with James whose Victorian approach toward the women in this family is a burden to her. Despite an upbeat appearance, Elizabeth has a deep-rooted unhappiness fuelled by feelings of intimidation and an inability to deal with any form of conflict.”

“Victorian approach” etc... This should give you an idea as to the household environment and the possible restrictions...

Incidentally, she does have a mobile phone and MSN etc, which is the new way young people communicate, strikes me anyway...

“Today was no different for Rebecca, just home from school on a warm September evening, she hurries upstairs.”

It is an extract from notes. May I ask why surprised by present tense?
By the way, I have seven nieces all have been 15yo within the last ten years, and you know what, one of them is still away with the fairies and prefers her own company even though she is now 23 and she was and still is popular... Just goes to show you can be popular and still prefer your own company.

I am sorry I just don’t buy this idea that to be popular you can’t also spend time with your mother and just prefer your own company. That has nothing to do with age it is about personality.

Steve

[zachariah]

I understand and acknowledge your viewpoint. I'm not saying it's wrong of you to describe her in this way, just that I'm fairly sure that any reader coming across the phrase 'she was a popular girl in school' will have a well-defined preconception of what this implies, and to me it does not tally with the description of the character you have created. At any rate, it's a trifling point and you are free to ignore it. We need more fairy-obsessed girls as role models anyway.

The present tense was a surprise because of its rarity.

[kadife]

Originally Posted by zachariah

The present tense was a surprise because of its rarity.

But... but... present tense is ALWAYS used for synopses and lots of novels are written in present tense *puzzled*
The problem is that the 'was' in the quote should be an 'is' and there should be a full stop after Rebecca, which gives the impression in an instant that your grammar and punctuation is shaky (God forbid).

[zachariah]

OK for a synopsis, that's why I asked whether this was from the completed draft or not. But I disagree that 'lots of novels' are written in the present tense. It is a vanishingly small percentage of published novels that are constructed in this way.

Disgrace is a recent one of note, as is Saturday, but in SF/F the technique is conspicuous by its absence.

[Ursa major]

Originally Posted by zachariah

but in SF/F the technique is conspicuous by its absence.

Off the top of my head, I know Ken Macleod writes SF in the present tense, at least for parts of some of his books; and to good effect. I'm sure there are other examples.

[Noah Phoenix]

The guys have already done just about everything that needs to with regards the cover letter.
The story did grab me, but not in the way you're hoping I guess. I agree with others that made comment on the fact that she's popular. Now, you're right with your opinion, and if your character is the quiet type whilst being popular, then fine. But introducing her within the synopsis as popular gives an immediate impression, which doesn't fit with popular opinion. The synopsis is there to give an overall impression of the story, and therefore this part should be removed for clarity. Any confusion felt from the synopsis/cover letter will go against you. And the last thing you want is an editor going 'eh?' at the first few words he/she reads of yours.

I like the premise of the story, although it sounds like a mixture of Pans Labrynth, Coraline and Spiderwick. Which, actually, doesn't sound that bad. Anyway, what I mean to say is that there are alot of themes going on here. Again, maybe this might be a little much for the first impression?

I think you need to shorten everything, give a little less away, perhaps, and leave the writing to speak for itself.

Hope that's helped! If it hasn't, then please ignore my ramblings, everyone else that knows me usually does.

[SJAB]

Originally Posted by Noah Phoenix

I think you need to shorten everything, give a little less away, perhaps, and leave the writing to speak for itself.

I have to disagree with part of this. A synopsis should tell the whole storyline, with major plot points, from beginning to end. You have to give everything away and grab the agent's interest at the same time. Even if your sample chapters catch the agent's interest, if your synopsis does not show the agent you can carry a storyline through, then your pitch can fail (It happened to me)

A "hook" or the small paragraph that you place when you are sending just a query letter is a different thing, more like the blurb on the back of the book, then again you need to tell the beginning, middle and end.

Both are, I find, harder to do than writing a novel.

[Noah Phoenix]

O.K, maybe I should have worded that bit better. I agree with you SJAB, what I was referring to was the whole popular girl bit. This statement would take a while to explain within the book, how someone can be two things at once, so I thought he should leave it out. Also, I thought there was a little too much repetition of the themes and content.

I agree also, that the covering letter and synopsis are indeed harder to write.

[Teresa Edgerton]

Originally Posted by SJAB

Both are, I find, harder to do than writing a novel.

I hope this is not going to sound obnoxious (although I fear that it is), but I've never quite understood why so many people feel that way ... because I don't find them difficult at all.

Maybe it's because the only article I read on the subject before writing my first one said that synopsis writing was not particularly hard if you knew what you were doing, and therefore I never approached them with the idea that

a) I was probably going to fail

or

b) I was going to have to convince an editor or agent that my epic was Tolkien, Tolstoy, and Aesop's Fables all rolled into one before someone would buy it.

Anyway, I'm beginning to wonder if a lot of writers blame their synopsis when the fact is that it's done an excellent job of describing a book that simply doesn't fit what the agent is looking for.

Because the best synopsis in the world probably isn't going to convince an agent to look at something they don't know how to sell.

[ctg]

Terasa, we just don't know the facts because there's no feedback. You know there's only standard replies. However, on the subject of synopsis, I did find it writing easier after couple of drafts.

[StormFeather]

Originally Posted by 2ndchance

Zac,
I am not sure I agree with this prerequisite if popular, you are blonde and go to many parties... That leaves an awful lot of unpopular people. I understand your point, however this is a tale of Rebecca, who in spite of being popular just prefers her own company and actually has a lovely relationship with her mother. Also, have you read the whole synopsis i.e. the bit below?

“Elizabeth, her mother, lives a difficult life with James whose Victorian approach toward the women in this family is a burden to her. Despite an upbeat appearance, Elizabeth has a deep-rooted unhappiness fuelled by feelings of intimidation and an inability to deal with any form of conflict.”

“Victorian approach” etc... This should give you an idea as to the household environment and the possible restrictions...



I am sorry I just don’t buy this idea that to be popular you can’t also spend time with your mother and just prefer your own company. That has nothing to do with age it is about personality.

Steve

Just adding my tuppence worth to this.

In my all-girls school, the popular girls were the 'queens' and quite bitchy with it. Being popular was a status thing and didn't make them very nice. To be in their clique was supposed to be an honour, and they were always accompanied by at least one or two friends - I avoided them like the plague. However there were a lot of girls who were very 'well-liked' and popular in their own way, genuinely nice and fairly immune to 'popular' hype.

You are using certain terms like 'Victorian' to convey a meaning based on the general understanding of that word, so I think you have to concede that the word popular in this context isn't getting across the meaning that you want it too. With your explainations we understand what you're trying to say, but that's taken a while to get across.

Rebecca sounds like a well-liked girl, who is genuinely nice, without the hype that goes with being 'popular'. maybe finding another term would help?

Otherwise I really like the story, and look forward to reading more sometime

[Teresa Edgerton]

Originally Posted by ctg

Teresa, we just don't know the facts because there's no feedback. You know there's only standard replies.

Well, it's been a while since I got a rejection letter (I've been leaving the pleasure of reading them to my agents), but isn't the standard reply something along the lines of "doesn't meet our needs at the present time"?

[ctg]

Originally Posted by Teresa Edgerton

Well, it's been a while since I got a rejection letter (I've been leaving the pleasure of reading them to my agents), but isn't the standard reply something along the lines of "doesn't meet our needs at the present time"?

Thank you for sending us your submission.

We’ve considered your proposal carefully, but I’m afraid we don’t feel able to offer representation in this instance.

And we’re sorry you’re receiving a form letter but the volume of submissions we receive makes it very difficult to reply individually.

Thank you again for giving us the chance to consider your work.

Yours sincerely,

[2ndchance]

Okay Guys,

In the face of such debate, perhaps it may be time for me to try a slightly different approach. To this point, I have given four versions for your considered opinions...

1. 15-year-old Rebecca has always been well-liked for sure, but often sits alone during school free time. She just prefers to find a nice sunny corner somewhere and sit chatting merrily to herself, scribbling fantastical scenes of imaginative worlds.

2. 15-year-old Rebecca has always been popular enough for sure, but often sits alone during school free time, preferring to find a nice sunny corner somewhere and sit chatting merrily to herself, scribbling fantastical scenes of imaginative worlds. (Is this a run-on? Not sure.)


3. 15-year-old Rebecca has always been liked, but often during school free time, she sits alone, preferring to find a nice sunny corner somewhere and sit chatting merrily to herself, scribbling fantastical scenes of imaginative worlds. (Passive, yuk don’t like passive)

4. 15-year-old Rebecca often sits alone during school free time finding a nice sunny corner somewhere, she sits chatting merrily to herself, scribbling fantastical scenes of imaginative worlds. Even though she is well liked, she just prefers her own company occasionally. (Perhaps a little disjointed.)

Hmmm, I still like two, maybe one as well; however, your views are valued. Thanks, now look what you lot have done, coz’ I like three also...

Steve