What not to put in a children's fantasy?

[misscousins]

The only issue i see with having a 7yr old protagonist, is whether or not you asre writing for the 7yr old crowd? 7yr olds read at, approximately, a second grade level, so you need to be very careful about word usage in general and make sure you aren't making it too difficult. Kids older than 7 may not be as interested in reading about a child too much younger than themselves.

True I guess.
I wanted to write for 9yr olds and older, or at least I wanted my book to be relatively universal. Something like "Willow", "Legend", "The princess bride" or even "Magical world of the leprechauns" type of stuff. I wanted this, because I tend to think of stories of which will lead to becomming a series of books eventually, I tend to do this a lot. Using the same world and occasionally the same characters in order to construct a familiar world and society for children and adults to become accustomed to, so they feel they know everybody and what they are about.

I know when I read a book that I like, I end up wishing that the author had written a series of books about each character, as I grew more fond of someone other than the protagonist of the first book; so I guess in some ways I am somewhat of a biographer of my characters.

I do this for my fantasy adventure books and my horror books.

I just seem compelled to write deeply about every little detail and I used to think that perhaps I used too much description once, that I gave up writing for other people for a year or two; until one day, I made a new friend who is an English teacher and he was shown some of my work and heard about my concerns, and he told me, I had my balance right. Now, me being sceptical of my own abilities went to look for some other people about whether or not I use too much descriptions in my stories and they said that I was fine, so I think I just lack a lot of self confidence.
I write because I love it, but I always worry about what other people are going to think when I decide to take the plunge again.

Here's a sample of what I'm talking about...

When I was little, I lived in a typical London suburban town aligned with picket fences and privet hedges lining the street in perfect military unison, every house or so had pink or yellow roses draping down the trellis arch porches, welcoming in everyone to their home.
At the back of the street was a large meadow where children played on their bikes with their dogs, a game of rounders, or just hung about literally on the playgrounds handrails.
It was a wonderful community, everyone knew everybody else, and there was a small sweet shop next door to the corner shop, called "Lucky Sweets" ran by a lovely old Indian woman named Chandrakanta. In this shop you could buy a huge bag of sweets for as little as 50p, and stuff your face all day long, till you became sick.
Sadly, when I was six years old, we had to move away from this lovely little village, and move deeper into London, where everybody rushed about; too busy to notice I was there. It was a BIG difference, and pretty scary too, I felt I could be lost in such a big town, and I held my mummy's hand tightly to ensure I didn’t get lost or mistaken for somebody else’s little girl!

[TheEndIsNigh]

Regarding the too much description. I don't think you can overdo it for children. In fact I would think extra description is quite good (though I may be shot down on this) as it helps the younger reader to build up the picture in their minds. an old decrepit like me can fill in the spaces and implications so shouldn't need to be led by the hand.

Tell me there's a summer meadow with a river running through and I can fill in the birds, the long grass, the blossom and the gargantuan Splogwand battle cruiser blasting things to kingdom come.

A younger reader would need to be told these things as he/she has no experience of such events.

I appreciate that this isn't a critique section I couldn't help noticing a few things about your sample.


Obviously, ignore if you wish.

misscousins:


When I was little, I lived in a typical London suburban town aligned with picket fences and privet hedges lining the street in perfect military unison (most typical london suberbs don't have millitary precision, normally thery are a hotch potch) , every house or so (odd) had pink or yellow roses draping down the trellis arch porches, welcoming in everyone to their home.
At the back of the (my? perhaps) street was a large meadow where children played on their bikes (or?) with their dogs, a game of rounders, or just hung about literally on the playgrounds handrails (that would be a park not a meadow).
It was a wonderful community, everyone knew everybody else, and there was a small sweet shop next door to the corner shop ( is the corner shop relavent or was it actually the corner shop), called "Lucky Sweets" ran by a lovely old Indian woman named Chandrakanta. In this shop you could buy a huge bag of sweets for as little as 50p, and stuff your face all day long, till you became sick. (you could really go to town (no pun honest) describing the sweet shop)
Sadly, when I was six years old, we had to move away from this lovely little village (was a town - urban regression?), and move deeper into London, where everybody rushed about; too busy to notice I was there. It was a BIG difference, and pretty scary too, I felt I could be lost in such a big town, and I held my mummy's hand tightly to ensure (make sure? nine year old maye too old) I didn’t get lost or mistaken for somebody else’s little girl! (**this is straying over to a darker area which, as Teresa says, my be frightening to younger children in that it possibly generates a fear of big cities that'll haunt them for years to come)

[Teresa Edgerton]

Originally Posted by diegesis

I think the most you try to hide things that happen in real life, the more the children will know they are "deceived". Maybe you can use a "softer" language, or present things funnier but if you have a fest with alcohol it is unatural not to have drunk people.

But what purpose would a "fest with alcohol" serve in a book for six-or- seven-year-old readers? Children want to read about children doing things they can identify with and/or want to do themselves. If you are writing for and about children you have to be able to see the world from their viewpoint. How many six-year-olds think it would be funny to stand around and watch adults get drunk? From a realistic standpoint most children would be disturbed, possibly even frightened, so treating it as humor would be the deception. Unless you mean to treat it honestly, it would be best to leave it out, particularly as it doesn't sound like anything that moves the plot forward.

And while children do want to take a peek at what older people are reading, very often a peek is all they want. They may skim through something looking for the gory parts or the sexy parts, but that's not the same thing as engaging with the story and the characters, because once they've satisfied their curiosity the subject matter doesn't really interest them. In fact, it may put them off. (French kisses ... euww, gross!) And it's not about what they may or may not be able to engage with intellectually. It's about matching the story to their emotional development and to the thoughts and feelings that are most likely to occupy them at their particular stage in life. (Which for a six-or-seven-year-old usually involves, "What is it going to be like when I'm two or three years older?")

Of course there will always be very bright children who like to read books with more complex themes, but when that's what they are looking for they aren't going to be picking up a book about an eight-year-old protagonist.

[misscousins]

The drunk in the story I'm writing is a comedy aspect in my book, as his drunken waddle adds character to his peculiar features.

The festival which is celebrated annually in the story is a celebration of the harvesting of the apples, which is the staple of the leprechauns diet, as they rely on the magical qualities of the enchanted orchards fruits, and in order to consume enough magical energy the leprechauns produced the apples into a drink form, and leprechauns are generally known for their drunkardness, so I thought I'd use this.

In the story, little Amber (the protagonists name) is amused by one particular leprechaun who is always drunk and accident prone and he is always getting into scraps with his brothers about things which are out of his control. His clumsiness whilst on the quest will proove in the story to be quite lucky for the adventurers, in ironic ways. However, in one part of the story his clumsiness will upset a witch because it did something to her familiar, which could jeopardise the whole quest, and there is this battle of bringing him away from drink in order to concentrate his behavior and focus for a very dark and scary part of the mission, where the drunken leprechaun is always trying to get a sneak drop of cider, and his brothers bribe him into doing a particularly difficult task with Amber by offering him a half pint of cider when his finished!
So really, this is quite important to the plot, and will be very funny, as I do love to put in comedy in my fantasies.

[Teresa Edgerton]

Well, I think you need to think very hard about whether real children would be particularly amused by this sort of comedy, and whether publishers of children's books would be interested in a story that depends so much on public drunkenness.

If there is a way that you could achieve the same sort of humor by, for instance, making your character just naturally clumsy (which is something young readers might actually sympathize with), I think you should give it very serious consideration if you are genuinely interested in selling your book to a children's publisher.

But if getting published is not a real goal, just something you think would be nice if it happened, then the question of whether your ideas would or would not be appropriate for a children's fantasy is pretty much beside the point.

[KESpires]

I agree. I don't know if a chronic alcoholic is an appropriate plot device for seven year old readers.

If, however, you want to write a parody type of fantasy for teen readers then I'd assume that'd be fine. Still, it sounds like it might be cute, but either the six or seven year olds won't get it, won't care, or they'll know all too well about drunken parental figures and it might not be too fun for them.

[TheEndIsNigh]

OR they'll think it a marvellous idea and raid the drinks cabinet. I'd go with clumsy.

You could use something else for the things leprechauns will do anything to get.

Gold, I believe is traditional.

[dreir]

I agree with Teresa, too. I mean, yes, as an adult, I get the humour in it, but would a seven year old? They'd probably laugh at the funny/clumsy parts but at the back of their minds there'd be this vague notion about intoxicating apples. Even if you've tried to explain it in a bright, cheerful way in the story, imagine the questions their parents would have to deal with. And I seriously don't think the publishers are going to be impressed with it, either. They'd be concerned about some parents complaining to them about how their children's story is showing drunkenness as something fun (despite that not being your intention, of course).

Btw, that last sentence from Kes really sent a chill down my spine. Those children in such a situation might be in the minority, but I can't even begin to imagine what effect the story might have on them.

- Dreir -