A Short Ballad on the Lord of Misrule

[MJRevell]

I'm working on a ballad for a class on myth. It's about the Lord of Misrule ... this is what I have so far. It feels quite clunky in places, and thought I'd post it here for some criticism.

-------

Misrule

Christmas was coming, cold and white
The Scott’s were joyous indeed
Until, that was, a fly took flight
Wings abuzz with greed

It flittered here, and fluttered there
Alit upon a window
But the Scott’s were drinking gleefully
It’s presence they did not know

It watched, untouched by wind or snow
In no way ordinary
With a buzz of wing, and a flick of tongue
To feed on all things merry

Then up it leapt, took flight again
Adopting another guise
Now a spider climbing through a vent
With gleaming, malicious eyes

The Scott family were the perfect target
Their innocence intoxicating
So the spider became a scuttling rat
What point was there in waiting?

An argument here, a break up there
Oh, how very exciting
Down the stairs, towards the kitchen
It needed no inviting

The Scott’s looked on as it changed again
A racoon, a raven, a mule
With a smile, a cackle, it changed them too
For here was the Lord of Misrule

[Boneman]

hee hee, I love it. It's almost a limerick, and humourous poetry turns me on more than any other. One thing: it's 'its' not 'it's' in line 8....

the 'window' rhyme grates a little as we always accent the first part of the word, could always try:

It flittered here, and fluttered there
Alighting just below
But the Scott’s were drinking gleefully
Its presence they did not know

Verse five first line has too many syllables, breaks the penatameter, so:

The perfect target, this family here
Their innocence intoxicating
So the spider became a scuttling rat
What point was there in waiting?

[BookStop]

Christmas was coming, cold and white - 8
The Scott’s were joyous indeed - 7
Until, that was, a fly took flight - 8
Wings abuzz with greed - 5

It flittered here, and fluttered there - 8
Alit upon a window - 7
But the Scott’s were drinking gleefully - 9
It’s presence they did not know - 7

It watched, untouched by wind or snow - 8
In no way ordinary - 7
With a buzz of wing, and a flick of tongue - 10
To feed on all things merry - 7

Then up it leapt, took flight again - 8
Adopting another guise - 7
Now a spider climbing through a vent - 9
With gleaming, malicious eyes - 7

The Scott family were the perfect target - 11
Their innocence intoxicating - 9
So the spider became a scuttling rat - 10
What point was there in waiting? - 7

An argument here, a break up there - 9
Oh, how very exciting - 7
Down the stairs, towards the kitchen - 8
It needed no inviting - 7

The Scott’s looked on as it changed again - 9
A racoon, a raven, a mule - 8
With a smile, a cackle, it changed them too - 10
For here was the Lord of Misrule - 8

I'm no poetry expert so, technically speaking, I'm not sure what all I have to offer, but here ya go:

I put the syllables in so you can easily see where some of the uneveness lies. You don't need any of your apostrophes. Only use them for possesive nouns or contractions (it's = it is, rule exception its = possesive).

If you want to stick with 8/7 it will be easy to adapt most lines, although, I really believe poetry should be free flowing and just sound good.

'Now a spider...' does sound a little heavy and out of rhythm, you could lose, 'Now'. Verse 5 does feel chunky.

I like it; it's light and amusing.

[TheEndIsNigh]

Originally Posted by MJRevell

I'm working on a ballad for a class on myth. It's about the Lord of Misrule ... this is what I have so far. It feels quite clunky in places, and thought I'd post it here for some criticism.

-------

Misrule

Christmas(this is the only reference to Christmas so why is it here) was coming, cold and white
The Scott’s were joyous indeed
Until, that was, a fly took flight
Wings abuzz with greed

It flittered here, and fluttered there(flittering and fluttering flies???)
Alit upon a window
But the Scott’s were drinking gleefully
It’s presence they did not know

It watched, untouched by wind or snow(why would it be it's inside and not many flies live in the winter)
In no way ordinary
With a buzz of wing, and a flick of tongue
To feed on all things merry(feed on merry?)

Then up it leapt, took flight again
Adopting another guise
Now a spider climbing through a vent(vent? why not down a thread or something relevant to spiders)
With gleaming, malicious eyes

The Scott family were the perfect target
Their innocence intoxicating
So the spider became a scuttling rat
What point was there in waiting?(for what)

An argument here, a break up there
Oh, how very exciting
Down the stairs, towards the kitchen
It needed no inviting

The Scott’s looked on(hang about, LOM has just whizzed to the kitchen yet the Scotts are still looking? on they didn't move) as it changed again
A racoon, a raven, a mule(but they don't react?)
With a smile, a cackle, it changed them too

For here was the Lord of Misrule

There is good imagery here however, they don't fit together even if you make the excuse that misrule demands no coherence and as Boneman says sometime you mess with the rhythm of the structure.

[MJRevell]

Thanks for the replies. Arg, I'm usually good with my "its" - I messed it up a bit here.

Originally Posted by Boneman

Verse five first line has too many syllables, breaks the penatameter, so:

The perfect target, this family here
Their innocence intoxicating
So the spider became a scuttling rat
What point was there in waiting?

I like that change a lot.

@ TheEndIsNigh -- it's some form of powerful being, not actually a fly or a spider, and it's outside, going inside. I might not have written it clearly enough in the piece... but I think perhaps changing some things around to better suit the creatures could be a good idea.

The only structure I was using was sort of a rough beat... nothing to do with syllables, which might explain why it seems clunky. It was basically supposed to be:

/ / / /

/ / /

/ / / /

[BookStop]

Hey, if it flows and sounds good leave it be. Don't forget the Scott's apostrophe is also a baddy.

[Peter Graham]

Hi MJR,

Its quite fun, but I'm not sure that it's really a ballad. A ballad is usually a story in verse form - often with a refrain that is repeated at regular intervals. Ballads tend to be longer than other poems and, like stories, have a defined plot and a clear ending.

The rhyme structure varies, but ABAB couplets are very common, as are iambic pentameters (the "da dum da dum da dum da dum" rhythm). By way of an example, look at Coleridge's "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" (apologies if my memory has rendered this wrong):-

"Water, water everywhere
And all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere,
Nor any a drop to drink"

The rhythm and rhyme pattern of the Rime are classic ballad - Coleridge was trying to write something that looked and sounded like an old ballad which he had rediscovered.

There is no repeated refrain as such in the Rime, but within each stanza there was often repetition of a word or phrase - like "water, water" in the above stanza. The use of repetition was originally a verbal cue from an illiterate age which made it easier for those reciting the ballads to remember the words!

Your poem has characteristics of the classic ballad in the rhyme structure and stanza length, but the rhythm is out (as BookStop has commented) and it doesn't really tell a self-contained story.

Regards,
Peter

[The Judge]

Originally Posted by Peter Graham

By way of an example, look at Coleridge's "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" (apologies if my memory has rendered this wrong):-

"Water, water everywhere
And all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere,
Nor any a drop to drink"

A slight misquote, Peter. The last line is "Nor any drop to drink" ie without the 'a' you've inserted, which makes a difference to the rhythm.

I'm not sure if this is typical of old ballads though, as the stanza and rhyme structure varies. Many of the four-line stanzas have a ABCB rhyme, but there are also five- (ABCCB occasionally ABAAB) and six-line stanzas (ABCBDB and once at least AAABCB - though the first 'A' is only a sight-rhyme to the others), even a nine-line stanza.

Sorry MJR, have rather gone off subject here!

I have to confess that I always associate ballads with song: even if they are poems themselves, I feel there should be a kind of sing-y feel to them. I wasn't sure I got this here. And yes, I found it a little clunky in places. I think a traditional ballad would be smoother, polished by all those voices which had sung-recited it.

And do, please, change Scott's to Scotts as Bookstop says.

J

[MJRevell]

Hi guys,

Here it is in edited form, because I couldn't edit my original post. I'm thinking of adding one or two more stanzas in at the end to wrap it up, but this is how it stands at the moment:

-----------------------

Misrule

Christmas was coming, cold and white
The Scotts were joyous indeed
Until, that was, a fly took flight
Wings abuzz with greed

It flittered here, and fluttered there
Basking in their glee
Inside the Scotts were warm, happy
The fly the did not see

It watched, untouched by wind or snow
In no way ordinary
With a buzz of wing, and a flick of tongue
It fed on all things merry

Then up it leapt, took flight again
Adopting another guise
Now a spider climbing into the house
With gleaming, malicious eyes

The perfect target, this family here
Their innocence intoxicating
So the spider became a scuttling rat
What point was there in waiting?

An argument here, a break up there
Oh, how very exciting
Down the stairs, toward the kitchen
It needed no inviting

The Scotts screamed as it changed again
A racoon, a raven, a mule
With a smile, a cackle, it changed them too
For here was the Lord of Misrule

[BookStop]

'Thier innocence intoxicating' is the only phrase that jumped out of line for me this version.

[Precision Grace]

Hmmm. See, I've never heard of Lord of Misrule before (had to look it up) and now that I have it turns out he is also called Abbot of Unreason (I like that!).

I'm a bit rubbish when it comes to ballads and such, so I was having some problems figuring out why the fly and rats caused all that mischief - I thought you were talking about the plague! But the festival is really about turning things upside down for the purpose of general merriment and, according to wikipedia, teaching children the joys of capitalism.

Was the use of fly metaphoric? Like..fly in the ointment..type of affair? And the spider and the rat and the rest of menagerie?
Btw, this is not a critique, just curiosity.

[MJRevell]

It is all metaphoric in a way. I just wanted to take the general concept of turning things upside down and run with it in a crazy way.

Abbot of Unreason is a very good name, isn't it.