A Note From Most Men To Most Women

[mosaix]

1. Men are NOT mind readers.



2. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
 We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



3. Crying is blackmail.



4. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work!
 Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it!



5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.



6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. 
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.




7. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.




8. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 

Don't ask us.



9. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



10. You can either ask us to do something
 Or tell us how you want it done. 

Not both.
 If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



11. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the adverts.



12. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.



13. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



14. If it itches, it will be scratched.
 We do that.



15. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. 

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.



17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 



18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Motorcars, or Football 
or golf, or Darts etc.


19. You have enough clothes.



20. You have too many shoes.



21. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!



22. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


 but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Precision Grace]

1. Men are NOT mind readers.


--Fine. That's why you are so crap in bed, you realise?

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
 We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


--The lid should be down - the WHOLE thing, so that nobody looses a toothbrush or similarly important small things down the toilet

3. Crying is blackmail.


Sometimes it's a release from anger and frustration of having to live with men

4. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work!
 Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it!


So why do you always behave as if our No means Yes?

5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
What?



6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. 
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



What happens when our problem is that you don't listen to us?

7. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
Fine. You're hung like a hamster. See you in a week.




8. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 

Don't ask us.


Anorexic people think they are fat.

9. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
We know this but we want you to tell it to us yourself



10. You can either ask us to do something
 Or tell us how you want it done. 

Not both.
 If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


Fine. You can also shut up when we are driving, we know how to do it by ourselves.

11. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the adverts.
You too!



12. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


Yes, but he didn't drag his wife with him on the directionless trip either.

13. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


Unless you are gay. Do gays have different dna?

14. If it itches, it will be scratched.
 We do that.


Do it in private though.

15. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. 

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
We feel the same. It's just not worth the hassle trying to explain how upset we feel and then being shouted at for being upset about nothing.



16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.


You too.

17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 


Right, now where's that grapefruit suit I had made for the last Halloween...

18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Motorcars, or Football 
or golf, or Darts etc.
Thank you for reminding us.


19. You have enough clothes.


No we don't. Liar.

20. You have too many shoes.


You haven't got enough brain cells.

21. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!


And we should love you because...?

22. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


 but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
That's lovely. Did you know that women really don't like snuggling in bed and use it as a device to drive men out and keep the whole bed to themselves?

[Allegra]

Excellent, guys!!

[purple_kathryn]

God men whine an awful lot

[The Judge]

To misquote Clive of India: Precision Grace, at this moment I stand astonished at your moderation.

Is there a Mrs Mosaix? And if so, for how much longer?

[Ursa major]

Originally Posted by purple_kathryn

God men whine an awful lot

God man.


I like the sound of that.

[Precision Grace]

Originally Posted by Ursa major

God man.


I like the sound of that.

Where is a coma(sic) when you need it.

[Ursa major]

I took it as a subconscious (or should that be unconscious?) recognition of the truth.

[Precision Grace]

Originally Posted by Ursa major

I took it as a subconscious (or should that be unconscious?) recognition of the truth.

Well, there is certainly some issue with consciousness in that understanding.

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Personally, I think Mosaix left one out:



23. We don't mind if you go out shopping all the time. Just don't drag us along.

[Precision Grace]

Originally Posted by Manarion

Personally, I think Mosaix left one out:



23. We don't mind if you go out shopping all the time. Just don't drag us along.

See I don't get that either. I;
a) hate shopping
b) hate shopping with any other people in tow be they male or female

Does this make me gender confused?

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Perhaps. But I've been drug around shopping against my desires plenty of times-and never with another guy.

[Precision Grace]

Originally Posted by Manarion

Perhaps. But I've been drug around shopping against my desires plenty of times-and never with another guy.

No, I shall resist. I shall. I am strong, and I will not succumb!

*wanders off with both hands clamped firmly over mouth*

[Cayal]

24. Jokes are ruined when you try and rationalise it. So sit back and enjoy the ride.

[dustinzgirl]

Note to ALL men from most women:

If you just do what we say when we say it then life will be much easier on you.



PS: I hate shopping too. Thank god for the internet, now I don't have to go anywhere.