A Note From Most Men To Most Women

[The Procrastinator]

"If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie."

Words to live by.

[Ursa major]

Let's look at this logically.


If the natural state of both parts of the seat were to be up, there'd never be any result of sprinkling to sit on (once the lower half of the seat was lowered).


(If the aim was worse than that, the position of the seat is irrelevant.)

[The Procrastinator]

The position of the seat is irrelevant as far as this goes - if you are a sweetie, you will clean up after yourself and not leave it for the person who did not make the mess.

[TheEndIsNigh]

And another thing, if the purpose of the lid is to prevent objects from falling in then why are bidet's never fitted with a lid.

On this subject why don't bidet's have a decent flushing system either. Personally I find they are a poor imitation of the real thing. I mean, the paper get stuck, it takes ages to fill and why, if you need a drink in the middle of the night, can't you just provide a glass rather than all this kneeling down to use the fountain. I tell you in every respect they seem to be a badly thought out accessory to the bathroom.

Moving on

3. Crying is blackmail.


Sometimes it's a release from anger and frustration of having to live with men

This is a ridiculus. Men are the easiest creature on the planet to live with. Gentle and considerate, polite and most of all direct.

If we are frustrated with something we don't find release by resorting to emotional blackmail in this way. Crying is for when things are bad or when something tragic happens. Tears are not so you can make someone feel guilty about some trivial thing ( toilet seats for instance).

No we men, if frustrated are more direct. We tell you what's wrong and do something about it.

This is why men are so much better in dealing with emotional stress. We don't go off in some week long sulking session refusing to say what's wrong: no we talk about our troubles, invariably in rational and calm manner allowing everyone to have their say and inject oppinions to the debate. In this way a reasonable solution can be found that suits everybody.

[Precision Grace]

Originally Posted by TheEndIsNigh

3. Crying is blackmail.


Sometimes it's a release from anger and frustration of having to live with men

This is a ridiculus. Men are the easiest creature on the planet to live with. Gentle and considerate, polite and most of all direct.

If we are frustrated with something we don't find release by resorting to emotional blackmail in this way. Crying is for when things are bad or when something tragic happens. Tears are not so you can make someone feel guilty about some trivial thing ( toilet seats for instance).

No we men, if frustrated are more direct. We tell you what's wrong and do something about it.

This is why men are so much better in dealing with emotional stress. We don't go off in some week long sulking session refusing to say what's wrong: no we talk about our troubles, invariably in rational and calm manner allowing everyone to have their say and inject oppinions to the debate. In this way a reasonable solution can be found that suits everybody.

Not at all delusional then.

The trouble with this one is that it contradicts the one about 'don't come to us if you are upset and need to talk, that's what your girlfriends are for'.

It's funny about sulking though, and I agree that women do have a terrible habit about it by an large. My family (part of) being the biggest sulkers the world has ever seen. Me, not so much. So when Mr PG contrived to really annoy me recently and I decided that I've had enough and wasn't going to speak to him for a while (after years of cohabitation this was my first sulk, honest); imagine my utter surprise (and difficult to conceal mirth) to discover he just couldn't cope with me not talking to him. It was so hard not to laugh and keep a stroppy face on and now I feel annoyed that I haven't employed this stupendeous tactic sooner!

[TheEndIsNigh]

Whilst I would gainsay your claim that those of your genetic pool are the biggest sulkers in the world (my own branch of the tree of life not being backward in this area) I will let it pass since it would be off topic to get into and argument about it. (and there is a perfectly good thread for arguments of that nature anyway) so...

4. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work!
 Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it!


So why do you always behave as if our No means Yes?

It's obvious why this is the case. It's because as the saying goes

' It's a womans privilege to change her mind '

Most women take this as Carte Blanche permission to never make up their minds in the first place. So being reasonable and considerate fellows we always check before assuming that when you thought you were saying No that in fact you didn't really mean to say yes.

This is a perfect example of 'checking the facts before proceeding' - Another one of the great male qualities. Not for us the hasty rush to a conclusion, or the assuming things where no assumption should be made.

Oh no.

[Boneman]

by TEIN

' It's a womans privilege to change her mind '

if she can find it...........

[Ursa major]

* Imagines some lids not so much being up or down as being blown.... *

[Precision Grace]

Oddly, my lid was well truly blown by two women today. I really can't decide which sex is more annoying to be perfectly and brutally honest with ya'll. At the end of the day there are cool people and not so cool people; whether those people be women, men, children or animals is entirely coincidental. This is my studied opinion and I am going to stick to it.

[The Procrastinator]

Bears are all right, though. Bears are always cool.

[dustinzgirl]

Originally Posted by TheEndIsNigh

A
This is a ridiculus. Men are the easiest creature on the planet to live with. Gentle and considerate, polite and most of all direct.

I laughed so hard I couldn't think of a reply.

[Karn Maeshalanadae]

Despite the fact I'm a guy, DG, I can't help but agree with you.....and, of course, I'm the exception that proves the rule. Must have something to do with living around mostly women all my life.....

[Ursa major]

Originally Posted by dustinzgirl

...I couldn't think of a reply.

The end must be nigh....

[TheEndIsNigh]

5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
What?


PG: I agree that

"WHAT!"

is also a perfectly good response to most questions. Especially those asked by most women, due to the incredibly preposterous nature of most feminine questions. This is often a defence mechanism, allowing men time to weigh the consequences of replying to questions that will usually result in either further third degree like examination of the minutest details of the mans psyche or even worse upsetting the questioner causing one of those sulks previously mentioned.

Let me give an example of the kind of things we have to put up with.

Do you find her attractive? - The 'her' here would be a reference the most attractive girl in the room. She is usually a lot younger, slimmer, a lot less dressed and has stirred the passions of every man in the room and probably most of the women too.

Now this is obviously not a 'Yes or No' question. "What!" is the answer that gives us thinking time and the possibility to misdirect the question since it forces your companion to reconsider the wisdom of asking the question in the first place.

Now your companion has multiple choices (something almost guaranteed confuse the issue and make the problem go away which is good)

1. She can ask the question again, this time more directly pointing out the blond in the black dress with the body of a goddess wearing little under underneath.

The man can then opt for almost any answer, (first using the opportunity gained by the "What! " to fully observe the apparition of loveliness) after which he can then use some remark to reassure his companion that he would not be seen dead with the girl as in -

No she's seems a bit slow ( implying stupidity)

or

"No, she's too small" (being careful not to mention which aspect is undersized)

or the old favourite

"Oh, her, I hadn't noticed, Er,,,, well I suppose she's OK."

The more ambitious escort will add "

"I was only looking at you my love"

or some such comment. A dangerous strategy though if successfully applied brings excellent rewards.

At this point it should be explained that all these answers are always lies and the "What!" has worked it's magic to defuse the situation in the mans favour on so many levels.

Again let me elucidate :-

There is no room on this planet where men and women congregate where any man within the first 20 seconds has not observed and weighed the relative merits on a scale of 1 to 10 of every female in the room. Within 30 seconds the most attractive girl will be the man's sole focus of attention and her every move will be noticed, logged and stored for future reference in case in some way her movements and his can brought into closer proximity. Within a minute he will know her name what she drinks and if possible her telephone number (or so he hopes).

The most annoying aspect of this is that all women know this (though many choose to forget) and also know that by asking the question it will throw there companion into a paroxysm of panic since in asking it he knows that he must gauge the real reason for the question. Invariably this must be due to the womans innate sense of insecurity and it must be a ruse to draw some reassuring comment from the man. This is very confusing for us men. We also know our limitations and attributes and although the girl will invariably be more desirable than his current companion, deep down he knows that his hope of any relationship with the girl (more than the she would give a dog turd in the street) has as much chance as the proverbial snowflake in hell (although it must be said there are a lot of men out there that would settle for even this small crumb from the goddesses table).

And so... in order to weigh all this in the instant following the question would task Big Blue or even Deep Thought and we come up with -

"What!"

By the way - If you really want to confuse us about the nature of the girl don't ask stupid questions ask -

"Where's the blond gone?"

or

"Do you think she's got anything on under that dress?"

Then you'll see panic on a grand scale.