Help! I've been Trapped by Monsters!

[Mark Robson]

It's true, I tell you! And they didn't just get me - others are being held as well. Messages of support can be sent to me (or the monsters!) at www.Trappedbymonsters.com

Warning: some would-be writers of fantasy or horror might find the news report at About Trapped By Monsters | Trapped By Monsters disturbing!

[Threddy]

Mark, I hate to be the one to break it to you.. but I think you've finally lost it.

[Mark Robson]

It's been a while coming, Threddy, but you could just be right!!!

[Patrick Mahon]

This looks like great fun, Mark! Which one of you mad authors came up with the idea? Or was it a joint effort?

Or was it the monsters who came up with the idea...?

[Nesacat]

Since everyone seems to be having a lot of fun, it was probably a joint effort; though I suspect the poor monsters will get blamed.

Tell us if you need emergency care parcels Mark.

[Mark Robson]

Given the size of the site already, it's hard to believe the idea was only conceived just over a week ago. It has snowballed out of control like me attempting to ski down a double black diamond mogul field! We have already had Eoin Colfer and Alan Gibbons agree to come and visit us in the cave (with the monsters' permission, of course,) and it looks likely that we will have more visitors as the thing continues to grow.

The food's not great, but it's amazing what having seven other creative minds around can spark off ... to say nothing of the motivation that having a huge slavering beast slobbering drool over your shoulder grunting something that sounds like 'Write, Robson, write!' brings!

[Threddy]

At least you have internet access though Mark, the monsters must be kinder than some I've met.

The site looks quite good and is an interesting idea.

[M@.Price]

Hang on, I don't seem to remember you ever offending monsters...

Very entertaining to read

[Mark Robson]

Originally Posted by M@.Price

Hang on, I don't seem to remember you ever offending monsters...

Very entertaining to read

Not offending, as such, no. I did kill off quite a few, though, as I foolishly pointed out in my post on 18th January. That cost me all the priviledges I'd earned with my poetic message to my Mum on day one! I just never learn.

[chrispenycate]

Dear Mr. Robertson,
-- sorry, Robson.


I have been approached by a spokesbeing for the Monsters Anti-Deformation Society (yes, I did point out to them that having MADS on their letterhead might give a negative image of their sociability, a thought which had apparently not occurred to them. There again, the one with whom I communicated did not give the impression of being over intellectually gifted.)


It would appear I was selected as a go between as a number of my stories feature a or several monsters in a sympathetic light, treating them as heroes and failing to kill them off at the end (I will add that I am paraphrasing his exposition; the actual words were more like "You not allus got it in fer us, right?", which was fairly typical of his speech, except that one of the words was bisyllabic) I suggested tha Piers Anthony might make a better ambassador, in that a number of his Xanth books feature monstrous protagonists, but they wanted someone from the old world.


They claim that your imprisonment is entirely self-imposed; all you need to do is state publically in some print or broadcast medium that actually some monsters are jolly good chaps, and that there are adolescent human beings who are ten times more disagreeable, and a hundred times more numerous (he, she or it seemed to have something against adolescent human beings, for some reason) And that, while you are incarcerated, you are being given conditions they would like to be able to give all their offspring; hardly dank at all, and choice food they were starving themselves to give you. They had even offered each of you a change of clothing, which had been universally rejected, an obvious insult to their attempts at friendship.


If this seems like standard terrorist propagander; indeed, they could well have hired the same attaché de presse as did the Basque separatist group, but I will admit I agrred fairly rapidly to their commission, as the leader was fairly fragrant while his two assistants were seriously aromatically challenged; I feared Airwick would be no match for the odours impregnating themselves into the furnishings. Our next meeting, if there should be one, will be in one of Geneva's 'smokers' clubs', where olfactory pollution should pass unnoticed.


I would like to add that nothing I do will be financially rewarded, nor will it have any solid legal basis; lawyers generally feature in my stories as considerably worse beings in the long run than the innocently violent monsters. But if you should desire to pursue this matter I remain at your, and their service to attempt to negotiate an end to this regrettable situation.


Your very humble servant,
Chrispy.

[Mark Robson]

Originally Posted by chrispenycate

Dear Mr. Robertson,
-- sorry, Robson.



They claim that your imprisonment is entirely self-imposed; all you need to do is state publically in some print or broadcast medium that actually some monsters are jolly good chaps, and that there are adolescent human beings who are ten times more disagreeable, and a hundred times more numerous (he, she or it seemed to have something against adolescent human beings, for some reason) And that, while you are incarcerated, you are being given conditions they would like to be able to give all their offspring; hardly dank at all, and choice food they were starving themselves to give you. They had even offered each of you a change of clothing, which had been universally rejected, an obvious insult to their attempts at friendship.

If this seems like standard terrorist propagander; indeed, they could well have hired the same attaché de presse as did the Basque separatist group, but I will admit I agrred fairly rapidly to their commission, as the leader was fairly fragrant while his two assistants were seriously aromatically challenged; I feared Airwick would be no match for the odours impregnating themselves into the furnishings. Our next meeting, if there should be one, will be in one of Geneva's 'smokers' clubs', where olfactory pollution should pass unnoticed.


I would like to add that nothing I do will be financially rewarded, nor will it have any solid legal basis; lawyers generally feature in my stories as considerably worse beings in the long run than the innocently violent monsters. But if you should desire to pursue this matter I remain at your, and their service to attempt to negotiate an end to this regrettable situation.


Your very humble servant,
Chrispy.

Dear Chrispy (MADS Ambassador),

We, the aforementioned authors, humbly request that all future representations be made by someone in possession of chocolate (preferably in large quantities). However, despite the lack of sugar-filled foodstuffs, we have discussed your assertion that our incarceration be self-imposed and find that a ridiculous statement. We certainly agree that many teenage humans are indeed most monstrous, but find what appears to be loo roll dipped in swarfega, served in a bed of what can only be described as pink snot, totally inedible.

Since being held captive I have indeed written a book for younger readers, the draft name of which is A Monster Adventure, featuring a most amicable Monster-under-the-bed, who is in no way harmed during my story. Indeed, none of the monsters in the story are harmed in any way, but has this brought me favour? Has this gained my release from captivity? No and no!

I appreciate your brief encounter with the aromatically challenged representative with whom you conversed. Please imagine what it's like to be in their company day in day out.

At least we are gaining some support. Radio Broadcasts are being allowed from the cave - there is a recording of one of these now available to listen to on www.trappedbymonsters.com and there will be a live interview on Radio Northamptonshire at about 1045 this Wednesday for anyone able to tune in.

We've been co-operating - honest! They just don't seem to be showing any sign of letting us go.

[Mark Robson]

As a postscript to my last post, the live interview was fun! If you want to listen to it, the easiest way is to go to the press release page, where you can listen to both interviews (canned and live) by using the players at the bottom of the page: Press Stuff | Trapped By Monsters

[Jinny_Afersin]

Originally Posted by Patrick Mahon

This looks like great fun, Mark! Which one of you mad authors came up with the idea? Or was it a joint effort?

Or was it the monsters who came up with the idea...?

nice try, Mahon

[Jinny_Afersin]

Originally Posted by Threddy

At least you have internet access though Mark, the monsters must be kinder than some I've met.

The site looks quite good and is an interesting idea.

nice remark indeed,
but what do you mean by "monsters must be kinder than some I've met"..... if it's ok to ask

[Mark Robson]

Can't believe it's been nearly a year since my abduction. Still no sign of a credible rescue.

On the up side, I've made some good friends in the cave ... met some talented authors, too.