Eternal Neverland The War or Freedom

[Natasha_Rogue]

I am badly in need of some people who know what they're talking about to take a look at my site and the chapters contained there and give me some feed back. Maybe this should be in the critique section, I'm not sure but I am really hoping this forum will be the place where I can find avid readers that could give me some quality responses. Looking forwardto hearing from you and thank you for your time. BTW you'll have to check my profie for the link...can't post it here yet but I'll increase my posting so I'll put it here soon! TY

[Natasha_Rogue]

One more request if it's not too much to as...for those who don't have time to do more then look at the first page do you have any suggestios to make it better? Things you like or don't like? Thanks again.

[Kith]

You might be better off posting a section from one of your chapters in the critiques forum rather that posting up a website. I'd imagine you'd get more bites.

[Natasha_Rogue]

Originally Posted by Kith

You might be better off posting a section from one of your chapters in the critiques forum rather that posting up a website. I'd imagine you'd get more bites.

You are so right! Lots more remarks there, thanks. Here's the link fr anyone who wants to see anyway!
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[chrispenycate]

Followed link, went into one of my correction sprees; and then couldn't E-mail it to you, because of lack of attachments on available 'mails.

Main point: “it’s” is always a contraction, usally of “it is” occasionally of “it has” ; the neuter third personal possessive is “its“, no apostrophe. Illogical as anything, as almost everything else indicates possessives with an apostrophe, but it drives grammarians into frothing at the mouth.

If you would like the other comments, PM me with an E-mail address

The pedant.

[Natasha_Rogue]

Thank you to everyone that's helped me out. So far I've changed the first page (twice) and have been working at improving some of the horrible grammar. Anyone who's got the time let me know what you think about the new first page!
http://eternalneverland.webs.com/

[Aes]

Originally Posted by chrispenycate

Main point: “it’s” is always a contraction, usally of “it is” occasionally of “it has” ; the neuter third personal possessive is “its“, no apostrophe. Illogical as anything, as almost everything else indicates possessives with an apostrophe, but it drives grammarians into frothing at the mouth.

It's actually not as bad to me as pluralizing things with an apostrophe:

"She keeps lots of dog's, cat's, and bird's in her various home's." = :'(

I only bring this up because I recall seeing you (Natasha, not Chris) do this a few times in various posts. Now I'm not trying to be picky; I figured bringing it up, to make you aware of it, might be useful in case it occasionally seeps into your writing.

[Natasha_Rogue]

Thanks for bringing that up I'll try and keep an eye out for that, I know I am probably one of the worst for grammical errors, I tend to look at my sentences more for how they sound and apply to the story then correct grammer, I guess I just don't 'see' the errors as someone more experienced probably would. It's obviously something I'll have to work on. As I've mentioned before whatever editor I'll eventually get is going to hate me!

Originally Posted by Aes

It's actually not as bad to me as pluralizing things with an apostrophe:

"She keeps lots of dog's, cat's, and bird's in her various home's." = :'(

I only bring this up because I recall seeing you (Natasha, not Chris) do this a few times in various posts. Now I'm not trying to be picky; I figured bringing it up, to make you aware of it, might be useful in case it occasionally seeps into your writing.