Dear Dad ...

[Mark Robson]

A father was passing by his son's bedroom, when he was astonished to notice the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.' With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the School Report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home

[Jinxs]

oh man I would be mad if my kid did that, but it is all in good fun!

[manephelien]

Thanks for the laugh!

[Erunanion]

My friend has a penchant for doing stuff like that. On the day of his A-Level results he told his parents he was gay, on the basis that after that shock really bad grades would be hardly any surprise at all.

[Jbshare]

I might do that sometime...

JUST KIDDING...

[Urlik]

that's a good one
it's almost as bad as sending your mum a text saying "don't worry. I'm safe" then switching off your phone

[TheEndIsNigh]

Well as a father I would be very disappointed with the contents of the letter.

For a start the lack of ambition or achievements. I mean eloping with only one girl for a start. Then growing and 'trading' marijuana - come on, surely everyone wants a better life than that for his son even at fifteen he should be well up the pecking order of the local, if not nationalm drug dealing gang. This is presumably be due to the lack of mention of guns or gratuitous violence in his life and then the final giveaway surely he would end with some mention of escaping the abuse and deprivation he had suffered in his early life and how he knew now he had been adopted and that there would be no love lost on his departure.

[Boneman]

But it occurs to me that I could do the same to the children:

Dear Son,
please don't come home until tuesday, as it was your mother and mines turn to host the pensioner's swingers' annual get together this weekend. I know you didn't mind us using your room, as it's so untidy, and the older ladies always like to tidy up after them, so that will be a bonus for you. Please don't worry about the KY jelly containers, I'll get round to clearing them up when I've recovered. They liked your clothes, and two of the old ladies tried every pair of your boxer shorts when we did the 'wear someone else's clothing' parade. They covered the colostomy bags really well. I think your mother washed them all, but there might have been a pair or two that slipped through the net.
Let me know who your dealer is, because old Mrs Greene found your stash and baked brownies for us all. How we giggled. I think the stains should come out of the mattress, but Mr Brown's incontinence was definitely made worse by the marijauna. According to Doctor Smith, it is a diuretic, which isn't what we need at our age.
Your room was such a success that we've decided to make it a monthly event. It was such a thrill for Mrs Harper to sort through all those magazines stashed under the bed, I always thought she was a bit lesbian, and she said some of those poses made her back ache something awful.
Your loving Dad.

Ps: if your room is kept tidy, naturally we won't be able to do these meetings any more....