Beginning of my story.. do comment

[src_101]

I am looking for two things.

1. Is the passage below generating interest? I have recently taken to writing and still dont have a definite style, so any suggestions which will make my writing more readable are welcome.
2. How many grammatical errors are there and where? English is not my first language, so there might be mistakes that I might not even know about, though hopefully not too many. Please point out as many as you can, so that I dont repeat them in the future

The plane flew soundlessly through the moonless night. The engines had been magically made soundless. It was not a very strong defense against the radars of the Duradors, but it was something. There was a remote chance that the radars might not pick them up, in which case the silence of the engines could mean the difference between success or failure of the mission. The plane, an old AF11, was traveling as fast as it could, with its special cargo, four wizard warriors. Captain-in-charge Charlie Stewart and his officers Noel Kuntz, Philip Johnson and Martin Walker.


The mission was simple. The four were to land in different Durador controlled areas, meet at a spot , which Charlie would decide and relay to them, and then proceed from there to destroy the Durador crystal factory at Terkin. The execution, though, could be complicated, since they were not supposed to do any magic till they got to the factory. If the chances of them destroying the factory were low, the chances of them getting out alive were practically nil. This was the third such mission in as many years. The only difference was that this was the first time they were actually sending wizards. Ordinary humans had tried and failed. Maybe wizards could make a difference?


Inside the plane there was a strange silent noise. The four were joking and laughing, but there was a tense undercurrent to all of it. They were all thinking of the mission, but no one was saying anything about it. The unsaid fears were screaming louder than the forced laughter and bonhomie.


"Be ready", the radio crackled, "Position one is approaching."


Noel jumped at the sound. He looked up, his eyes wide and scared. He was to jump on position one. He moved towards the exit door. Though he was trying to hide it, his knees were shaking uncontrollably. The green light on the door went off. Twenty seconds to door opening. Noel leaned against the hold. Everybody else tightened their seat belts. They didn't want to be pulled out. The green light started blinking. Ten seconds to door opening. Nine... Eight... Seven... Good bye, said Charlie, in a strangled voice, unlike his booming usual self. Noel moved his lips, but nothing came out. Five... Four... Three... Philip gave him a wave, with a strained smile. Noel looked a him and let go of his hold. One... The door opened with a bang pulling Noel out as if he was weightless. The darkness of the night engulfed him within a moment. The door closed. And the storm inside the plane ceased.


"God willing", thought Martin, "Noel will make it safely to ground.". Incidentally, it was the last time Martin ever saw Noel.


The trouble started two minutes after Charlie left at position two. "We have been detected", the pilot crackled through the radio. "I repeat, we have been detected. Starting evasion procedures."


Like that would work, Martin thought. The technology of the Duradors was too advanced. If they had been detected, it was over for them. The only question was, how long would they last. Position four was out of the question, but could they at least get to position three, where he had to jump?


"Declare yourself." This time the voice was different. The diction and accent was different. It had a Durador slur to it. The Duradors had two tongues and when they spoke Humanese, they tucked one tongue into the bottom of their mouths, which gave their speech a drunken slur. The AF11 was a twenty year old plane, most of its technology obsolete. It was so old that the Duradors would not be actually able to take control of the plane. The plane was more mechanical than otherwise. It didn't even have an autopilot. But then, if the humans couldn't autopilot it, neither could the Duradors. This plane had been selected for this very reason. Even after detection, there was a chance that the mission could be completed. In more modern planes, the Duradors would have just taken control of the entire plane and landed it on their closest base. But the communications system on the plane had to be modernized to enable them to communicate with home base. The Duradors had taken control of the system.


“Declare yourself”, the voice spoke again on the radio, “Or else you will be eliminated. You have 5 seconds to reply.”


Apart from the magical silencing of the engines, the plane had also been magically shielded. This again, was not the best protection, but if the Duradorian missile was a weak one, the plane could still get away relatively unharmed. Also if the pilot was able to evade the missile and not get a direct hit, the shield would work.

[Alexa]

Go on and follow you story. As I could see, you have the potential to make a good story.