Query Letter Questions.

[Troo]

Splendid stuff, Mharvey! You're definitely getting there, but this time, as Mr. L says, you've gone the other way now - focussing on the character and leaving out the plot.

Tricky, isn't it? But it's great to see that you're rising to the challenge

What you also want to get across with your query letter is some idea of your writing flair. Presenting facts in a plain way suggests that your novel is written the same way, and is likely to discourage an agent. As a journalist, part of your skill must be in presenting facts in an engaging way, and that's the kind of skill that you need to apply to this.

In fact, think of it as a News In Brief. See if you can tell your story in 200 words (so, a little larger than a real NIB, but the principle's the same). Get the facts across in a way that keeps your reader reading. See how that works

[Teresa Edgerton]

Originally Posted by Mharvey

My "attack plan" was to query agents using AgentQuery, and start reverse alphabetical order, querying the agents who only request the query letter first. Figured they'd be the quickest to get back to me. Then, on the second pass, work out a Synopsis as well as an Outline for those requesting a bigger package.

You do realize that this may not really speed up the process of finding an agent, since you will be inserting an extra step?

Anyway, I think your focus should be on other things besides how quickly you want an agent to respond. Which one would you rather have representing you: The experienced agent who knows which editors are likely to be receptive to your manuscript, has lots of contacts, and has the type of knowledge that will allow him or her to give you excellent guidance through the first few years of your career, not to mention the expertise to negotiate for you the most favorable contract possible for your particular book? Or, someone who may have none of those qualities, but will answer your query letter within the next month?

Do some research on the various agents who are willing to look at science fiction and fantasy and are interested in taking on new clients, then:

1) Prepare yourself to be patient. There are more important things at stake than how many responses you can get in a short period of time.

2)In terms of agents (and publishing houses, for that matter), aim high. You can always lower your expectations later.

[chopper]

being for the benefit of Mr Lime.....
here's the AbsoluteWrite forums that he mentioned. extremely extensive, but definitely worth a look if you've got time.

[Mharvey]

Again - thank you all for sticking with me through this adventure. I've enjoyed the last few days, cleared my mind, and now revisited this for another attack. My goal in this 5th rewrite was to keep as much of the character information as my previous rewrite, yet condense it enough to allow for a basic summary of the entire novel. I had to add another sentence or two, but I feel I've achieved the balance of plot/character that's required.

Now, my only question is whether or not it succeeds at hooking the reader.

Dear Mr./Ms. Agent

I am writing to you because you represented TITLE by Author, and I feel my book is similar. My novel, WOLVES IN THE SHADOW, is a low fantasy novel, written in the same vein as Robert E. Howard’s Conan the Barbarian novels.

It was only a matter of time before his scent was picked up by Imperial wolves. Shortly after, everyone began to die. Brother, father… mother, even his 12 year old best friend. There would be no quarter, not for the true, rightful heir of the throne, and those he loved. All the while, his legend would build and more would line up to defend the last icon of freedom. When the Imperial army arrived to deal the final blow to the royal line, they found hundreds of free men defending fortified walls. All but a handful would pay the ultimate price to keep their hope alive. None would be forgotten, he promised over their graves.

I’m a 26 year old freelance writer. I’ve written hundreds of syndicated articles for AHN MEDIA and other newspapers, and am currently pursuing a masters degree in Journalism from Harvard.

Thank you for your consideration.

[Mr. Lime]

Mharvey, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we've been happy to help you.

I am writing to you because you represented TITLE by Author, and I feel my book is similar. My novel, WOLVES IN THE SHADOW, is a low fantasy novel, written in the same vein as Robert E. Howard’s Conan the Barbarian novels.
I'd delete the bolded.

It was only a matter of time before his scent was picked up by Imperial wolves.
A little cliche. I'd combine the first two sentences.

Shortly after Corliss's scent was picked up by Imperial wolves, everyone began to die.

All the while, his legend would build and more would line up to defend the last icon of freedom.
I'd delete this whole thing. It's pretty general, doesn't really advance the plot with any concrete details, etc.

When the Imperial army arrived to deal the final blow to the royal line, they found hundreds of free men defending fortified walls.
A little general. I'd try to elaborate a little...

IE,

Corliss goes into hiding in a small, inconspicuous town on the edge of the Empire. When the Imperial army arrived to deal the final blow to the royal line, they found hundreds of untrained free men manning hastily erected wooden 'walls'. (this still leaves us wondering how they tracked him down though.)


All but a handful would pay the ultimate price to keep their hope alive.
All but a handful would die so that hope might live on. The whole ultimate price thing is a tad cliched.

None would be forgotten, he promised over their graves.
I think you could do without this, but it's your call.

Just my take on it.

[Mharvey]

Thanks so much everyone.

I've made your revised changes. I've also registered on Absolute Write, and will be using that also as a resource to writing the best cover letter I'm capable of, as well as learning to critique others - tried my hand at my first one today. It's so satisfying to know how much information has sunk in, thanks to your recommendations and Mr. Lukeman's how-to.

Anyway, once again, thanks so much!

[Troo]

Sorry I vanished. Did my back in and can't sit at the computer.

Anyway. Yes. Continue!

[gary compton]

Originally Posted by Troo

Sorry I vanished. Did my back in and can't sit at the computer.

Anyway. Yes. Continue!

There seems to be alot of 'Doing youre back in.' happening in the publishing industry. You, John etc. What do you all do in your spare time?

[Troo]

Sit at computers for long hours, thus straightening what should be the natural curvature of the spine. It's bad for you, I tells ya!

[John Jarrold]

Too right...

[Troo]

My back is now functioning! Hurrah!

[Scarfy]

Originally Posted by Troo

My back is now functioning! Hurrah!

Cool! High Five!!

[Troo]

How about a mid-five, just in case?

[ctg]

* hands Troo a AmesTech Cybernetic Spine Mk III and a wad for the backstreet body shop.

or a real life version

* hands Troo a pair of walking boots

[Troo]

I have walking boots, and a pilates ball, and exercises... My back just flips out now and again anyway *sniff*