The Lord of Exiles?

[thaddeus6th]

Turns out to be a little too grisly (to be honest, that's probably just as well. She is a psychocannibal after all, I don't want her itnro to be heralded with butterflies and kittens).

[daisybee]

I think you introduce her very well-I would advise perhaps tightening her description, and introducing it before her servants, so that the focus is pulled immediately to B. A few places caught me up, although as an excerpt and not knowing the previous events I followed it well, like the opening of the carts coming in, I had to reread it, but that is a case of editing and more concise wording and a lack of background for me as a reader to reference.

The pov wobbled in part 2-it seemed from G to her, then back again at the end. The second part really stood out, very atmospheric, chilling, great build up of tension, and just enough shown to us for our imaginations to kick into overdrive. If the pov remained with either G or B, then I think the scene would be even better for it, as the switches however slight draw you out of the mood you have created really well.

Good stuff, not overdone, and subtle too, for such a horrific event.

You have created a very chilling character there!

[thaddeus6th]

Aww, thank you

Excerpts can be difficult, particularly when they're halfway into a story. Thanks for reading it, and glad you liked it.

[AlexM]

Mmm the whole grandma idea is a laugh to me =P Alright she eats humans but how the hell does she kill them!? Is she a powerful witch? Can't wait to find out the age

Cheers,

Alex

[The Pelagic Argosy]

I'm blind. Did you post an excerpt somewhere? I can't find it. (I checked the Critiques section.)

[thaddeus6th]

Er, no. I wanted to, but checked and discovered the ending was a bit too explicit for a family friendly site. Daisy was interested, and PMed me for the excerpt, which I sent her.