Alliteration

[Threddy]

I have alliteration in my book, which I don't want, but I can't see a way of getting rid of it. Shall I just leave it? Or can someone help me please?

A familiar sensation came over Toshu, the same feeling he had had when he healed Hacha

Ed - Threddy

[pyan]

Originally Posted by Threddy

A familiar sensation came over Toshu, the same feeling he had had when he healed Hacha

How about this?

A familiar sensation came over Toshu, the same feeling that had affected him when he'd cured Hacha.

[j. d. worthington]

I'm curious: why would you want to avoid alliteration (in general, that is, not in a particular instance, where it might well work against the emotional response you're aiming for)? Alliteration is, when used judiciously, one of the most effective prose techniques going... but it does have to be used judiciously, rather than indiscriminately....

[Amalthea]

Originally Posted by Threddy

A familiar sensation came over Toshu, the same feeling he had had when he healed Hacha

The sensation that had coursed through him when healing Hacha filled Toshu again.

That is they way I would write it. It is not really the alliteration that is the problem with your sentence. As j.d. said, alliteration can be a useful tool in reaching your reader's emotions. The sentence you wrote doesn't flow very well. "Had had" is awkward to read. Of course, maybe that is just a personal preference on my part.

[ctg]

What is Alliteration? Sorry to ask but the word doesn't mean anything to me.

[HoopyFrood]

Alliteration is when you have words that begin with the same letter in close proximity to each other. Like in Threddy's example, you can see "h" appears quite a lot.

"S" is special -- when you have words beginning with that letter, or the "sh" sound, it's called sibilance.

[SJAB]

Originally Posted by ctg

What is Alliteration? Sorry to ask but the word doesn't mean anything to me.

Alliteration is the repetition of initial sounds in neighbouring words.

This might help explain it

ALLITERATION

All a matter of choice and style, least I think so.

[littlemissattitude]

There's nothing wrong with alliteration as long as it isn't used so much that it becomes overwhelming and takes the reader out of the story.

There is a tool you can use if you find it popping up more than you'd like and want to avoid it. That tool is called a thesaurus. As a writer, it is your friend.

[j. d. worthington]

Originally Posted by littlemissattitude

There's nothing wrong with alliteration as long as it isn't used so much that it becomes overwhelming and takes the reader out of the story.

There is a tool you can use if you find it popping up more than you'd like and want to avoid it. That tool is called a thesaurus. As a writer, it is your friend.

And a modern, unabridged thesaurus in trade paperback is actually quite inexpensive... downright cheap:

Barnes*&*Noble.com - Books: Roget's International Thesaurus, by Barbara Ann Kipfer, Hardcover, 6TH

[Threddy]

Seeing some of your example sentences, i think i could probably easily avoided this, but I wanted to know what you thought of alliteration.

Some of you asked what problem I had with it, and it's because whenever I think of alliteration, I always see it as a petty poetic (see what I did there?) tool. Honestly, I hate poetry, and I only use alliteration when in school, we have to come up with a sentence where you use as much alliteration as possible.

Anyway, I'll change a couple of the words, but not just because of the alliteration. Thanks for your opinions.

Ed - Threddy

[Threddy]

Originally Posted by littlemissattitude

There is a tool you can use if you find it popping up more than you'd like and want to avoid it. That tool is called a thesaurus. As a writer, it is your friend.

I do use the thesaurus if i need to, but in this case, I don't know why, I couldn't think of anything to change, I just knew it seemed wrong.

Ed - Threddy

[JDP]

I like the occasional use of alliteration to help texturise prose. As an example, in my WIP, I use some alliteration of plosive 'b' sounds; the character is hacking at his enemy and the alliteration helps to give the sentence rhythm, which in turn emphasizes the action of his sword:

'"You think I'm gonna yield to you?" the big man bawled between blows.'

When I read it, the last part gives me the idea of the 'bam, bam, bam' of his strokes.

This is perhaps a little weak, but you see my point that sometimes alliteration can have positive uses . Over use it at your peril, though - you'll end up sounding like Doctor Seuss!

[Culhwch]

I would interpret bawled as cried or wept, but that might just be me. Mayb it's a cultural thing...

[JDP]

As I understand it, to bawl can be either to cry and wail, or to shout intensely. Interesting to know that the latter might not be inferred. The point about alliteration is the same, though - just ignore my example

[The Pelagic Argosy]

No, I think your example is great, JDP.

I tend not to like it when writers use stylistic tricks, even if I admire them, because it pulls me out of the story. I never want to pause in the middle of an intense fight scene to think, "Good use of personification. Well done, Mr. Author." Or whatever. But the good thing about your example is that it would probably work subconsciously.

The problem I have with Threddy's example...

Originally Posted by Threddy

A familiar sensation came over Toshu, the same feeling he had had when he healed Hacha

...is that it's a bit awkward. You've got the "had had" in there. At first glance, I might think this was some sort of typo. When I go back to read it more slowly, I might notice, "Damn, that's a lot of h's!" And the whole point about the healing and the feeling would be lost. (A bit of rhyming there.) In this case, I would rewrite the sentence.